Tuesday, March 17, 2015



I hate it when I think I'm buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I
get home I discover they're just REGULAR donuts.

A thief who was stealing ladies' underwear evaded capture 
today........ He gave police the slip.

My neighbor called my dog fat the other day. 
Took me two hours to convince my dog that he
just had thick fur. 

I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.

I can't see those guns made on 3D printers catching on. 
If HP make the cartridges, it will be cheaper to 
buy an AK-47.

Not sure if i should be proud of this or not, 
but our employee handbook had 37 new rules 
added since i started working here....

In my dream I see us all standing together, 
throwing away differences and rallying for the 
abolition of mayo escape-holes in loaf bread. 

According to these Father's Day gift sections, 
all dads are clean shaven business men that love 
playing golf and think they're #1. 

"The place where optimism most flourishes is the 
lunatic asylum."
       -- Havelock Ellis

Instead of chasing after Taylor Swift, I'm just 
going to wait until she breaks up with everyone 
else so I'm all that's left. 

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the 
head with a can of soda? 
Luckily, it was a soft drink.