Tuesday, March 10, 2015




An attractive older lady was invited to a night out on the town 
by the younger ladies from the office. 
Reluctantly she went. 
She sat at the bar and one after another, young guys kept 
walking up to her and talking with her.
 But the younger ladies were amazed that she would run them 
all off. 
Finally her co-workers ask, "Why have you ran off every 
young guy that approaches you?" 
She replied, "They all keep asking me if they're real?....
and I ain't taking my teeth out for anyone!" 

Two ladybugs landed on me so I gay-married them,
and now we’re being picketed by the Westboro 
Baptist praying mantises. 

Pigeons always look like they're jamming out to  
an invisible iPod. 

Boss:  "My laptop computer is locked up.  
Can you help?"
Dilbert:  "Remember you have to hold it upside 
down and shake it to reboot."
Boss:  "Oh, that's right."
Wally:  "I wonder if he'll ever realise we gave him 
an "Etch-A-Sketch."

Every squirrel is a flying squirrel if  
you've got a good throwing arm. 

A stress ball can be used for throwing at people 
who stress you out. 

I had a few too many beers at an art exhibition 
and threw up all over the floor. 
Someone offered me three grand for it.

My car is equipped with the best anti-theft  
device in Florida. 
They call it "No air conditioning". 

Sweeping a woman off her feet is easy if you  
know karate. 

I really don't get Astrology but I just hope  
my daughter stays a Virgo until she's at least 18. 

Pretty nervous about the guy who dropped out of 
mechanic school the second they showed us how 
to cut a brake line.