••
♥
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer
and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
••
Black folks who don't want to look like
they fell into a barrel of flour have a
special talcum powder developed just for
them,
a black variety called Talcum X.....
••
these people were invited to the big game....
Schubert said he'd come, but there was
something he had to finish first.
Chairman Mao said he'd write the date down
in his little red book.
Dr. Jekyll was in two minds.
Morse's reply was, "I'll be there on the dot.
Can't stop now, need to dash."
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
D.B. Cooper said he might drop in.
Archimedes was buoyant.
••
I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my
stomach started rumbling and I realized that I
desperately needed to fart.
The place was packed but the music was really
loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment
I timed my farts to the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs I started to feel much
better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone
was staring at me….
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to
my Ipod.....
••
The Washington Redskins are changing their
name because of all the negativity, shame,
humiliation, dissent, polarity, adversity,
defiance, hatred, animosity, contempt,
discrimination, division, violence,
counter-productivity, ill-spirit, un-Godliness,
and hostility associated with their name.
From now on they will be known simply as the
Redskins......
••
Two women were at a bar.
One looked at the other and said, "You know,
eighty percent of all men think the best way to
end a fight is to make love."
"Well," said the other woman, "if that was true,
that would certainly revolutionize the game of
hockey!"
••
What has two legs, spots, and bleeds?
Half a cheetah.
••
An old immigrant who had served as for the
US during WWII had been invited to speak at
a luncheon of the ladies' auxiliary of a VFW
post.
Of course the ladies wanted to hear of his
prowess in battle.
The ladies all gasped when he started "I was
flying recon when this fokker came right at me
out of the sun..." Another man interrupted and
said "Now ladies,it's not what you think you
heard.
A Fokker is a type of German airplane."
The old veteran said "Yea, well that fokker was
a Messerschmitt."
••
Q: What's black and brown and looks good on
an attorney?
A: A doberman pinscher.
••
The middle-aged married couple finally moved
into the condo of their dreams, but right next
door to a very sexy fashion model.
The husband had taken to borrowing this or that
from their neighbour and it seemed to the wife
that it always took him way too long to return.
One time the wife had had enough and actually
pounded on the wall between the two apartments.
There being no response she telephoned, only to
get the answering machine.
Finally she went to the model's door and just kept
ringing the bell.
When the model answered, the wife fumed,
"I would like to know why it is my husband takes
so damn long to get something over here."
"Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these
interruptions sure ain't helping none either."
••••
