Wednesday, February 18, 2015


My brother came over to borrow the lawn 
I told him she was still sleeping and try back in 
an hour. 

Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick with his left 
leg and his right leg. 
At the same time. 

The success of the "Wonder Bra" for 
under-endowed women, has encouraged 
the designers to come out with a bra for
over-endowed women.
It's called the "Sheep Dog Bra"...
It rounds them up and points them in the 
right direction. 

What we really need is a vaccination to protect our 
children from politicians.

How long a minute is depends on what side of 
the bathroom door you're on.

Best Buy will start selling solar panels in an 
effort to promote energy conservation. 
Best Buy says you can find the panels right next 
to the 300 flat-screen TVs they leave on all day. 

Why is herbal tea allowed to be called tea when there 
 isn't a single tea leaf in it? 

A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll
in the fields when they came across a cow and a
calf rubbing noses.
"Boy," said the farmer, "that sure makes me 
want to do the same."
"Well, go ahead," said his girlfriend. 
"It's your cow." 

Why is it called Meteorology when meteorologists 
do not study meteors? 

The angry wife met her husband at the door. 
His breath stunk of alcohol and his face was 
plastered with lipstick. 
"I assume," she barked, "there is a very good 
reason for you to come drifting in at six o'clock 
in the morning?"
"There is!" he replied, "Breakfast."

I have an ape that only eats 
chocolate-peanut butter candies. 
That's what I get for owning a Reese's monkey.