Friday, February 20, 2015


A Dutchman was explaining the red, white and blue 
Netherlands flag to an American.
"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. 
We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our 
tax bills, and blue after we pay them."
The American nodded. 
"It's the same in the USA only we see stars too!" 

"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" 
asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist. 
The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a 
long, painful groan. 
He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on 
him a bit. 
"Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. 
It isn't that serious."
"It isn't?" cried the motorist. 
"Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"

I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, they dig. 
It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.

Whenever it rains my girlfriend just stands at the window 
looking sad. 
Maybe I should let her in.

Why is it that meats one has never eaten is always described
 as "It tastes just like chicken"... 
Why not pork chops or t-bones or hamburgers? 

Horse whispers are such naysayers....

I found an email in my junk folder from 
The subject is “Dear Match Customer, Unlock Your Account”.... 
No idea why they sent it - I don't have an account there. 
Heck, I don't even use matches... 

I leave notes on people's windshields  
telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing 
job fixing it. 

"Where's the barber who worked on the next 
chair?" asked the old customer as he was getting 
a shave.
Hadn't you heard about Bill? said the barber. 
It was a very sad case.
He grew nervous and despondent over poor 
business, and one day when a customer said he 
didn't care for a massage he suddenly went out 
of his mind and slashed the customer's throat. 
He is in the asylum for the criminal insane now. 
Will you be having a massage, sir?
Sure, go ahead! said the customer......

If the cops arrest a mime artist, do they tell him he has the 
right to remain silent?