Friday, January 30, 2015



Flex man rushed to hospital after mistakenly 
consuming daffodil bulbs...doctors say he'll be 
out in Spring.

Oscar-nominated actor Benedict Cumberbatch 
has apologized for referring to black actors as 
“colored” in a recent appearance on a U.S. talk 
But, on the plus side, now we’ll get to hear 
Al Sharpton try to pronounce 
“Benedict Cumberbatch.” 

Our office couldn't afford a paper shredder, so 
we just have a room with a pissed off badger in it 
that we toss documents we don't need into.

Road Crossing Instructions in Syria: 
"Look both right and left for cars, motorcycles, 
animals and pedestrians, look up for American 
drones, down for bombs and land mines, side 
and back for kidnappers and suicide bombers, 
hold your bags tight and watch every person near 
you...then walk zigzag to avoid bullets."

My next door neighbor. Mohammed hasn't let 
his wife out of the house since I mentioned 
that I think veils are sexy. 

There's always one of my uncles who watches 
a boxing match with me and says, “Sure. 
Ten million dollars. 
You know, for that kind of money, I'd fight him.” 
As if someone is going to pay $200 a ticket to 
see a 57-year-old carpet salesman get hit in the 
face once and cry. 

Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. 
Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson 
about leaving his clothes in the bathroom. 

If you lead a horse to pretzels and then to water, 
he will definitely drink. 

This blonde buys a box of laundry detergent, 
and it says on the box, “20 uses”. 
A day later, she calls the laundry detergent 
company and says” I bought your product and 
the box says ’20 uses’, but all it does is my 

Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport, 
where two dudes hold hands.