The east coast is experiencing a "Snowpocalypse"
or as Canada calls it "Monday"...
People are obsessed with this storm but in ten
years no one will talk about it anymore, which is
why they named it after the movie Juno...
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean
all parachutes are perfect.
A guy was lost on the Mall by the Washington
He stopped a policeman and asked, "What side
is the State Department on?"
The cop answered: "Ours, I hope."
Kids have so many food allergies these days.
In 15 years you'll be able to rob a bank with a
bag of peanuts.
When I'm bored.....
I send a text to a random phone number saying,
"I hid the body... Now what?"
I took a course in speed waiting.
Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
I failed my Politics exam.
"Describe the role that India plays in the modern
Apparently "Tech Support" is not the correct
Lying about my age has gotten easier
now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
I have decided to produce and sell a strong
alcoholic drink called "Responsibly"..
That way everyone in the country can get shit
faced drinking responsibly.
And all the other drinks makers will be
advertising for me on their cans with the slogan
"Please Drink Responsibly"..
Probably will piss off the government as well.
Dating is like a 2-day-old box of chocolates.
The good ones are already taken.