Tuesday, December 23, 2014



She believed me when i said concentration 
camps were for people with Attention Deficit 

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and 
studying the wrinkles on his old face. 
She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the 
Then she touches her own face and looks more 
Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God 
make you?" 
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her 
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl. 
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," 
answers her grandpa. 
"Boy," says the little girl, 
"He's sure doing a lot better job these days 
isn't He?

If you're ever bored in a taxi I recommend 
mouthing, "Help Me" to strangers and watching 
their facial expressions.....

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? 
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit 
gets all the credit. 

A blonde was hunched over the bar, toothpick in 
hand, spearing futilely atthe olive in her drink. 
A dozen times the olive eluded her. 
Finally,another patron, who had been watching 
intently from the next stool, became exasperated 
and grabbed the toothpick.
"Here, this is how you do it." he said, as he easily 
skewered the olive.
"Big Deal," muttered the blonde. 
"I already had him so tired out, hecouldn't get 

If you could switch genders for one day what 
would you do?
Men: play with my boobs....

The factory foreman inspected the shipment of 
crystal vases leaving the plant, and approached 
his new packer. 
He put his arm around the man’s shoulder and 
said, “Well, Ole, I see you did what I asked. 
Stamped the top of each box, ‘This Side Up,
Handle With Care.’”
“Yes sir,” the worker replied. 
“And just to make sure, I stamped it on the 
bottom too.”

Pollen count so high, junkies are trying to 
uncook their meth back to Sudafed. 

A woman reported the disappearance of her 
husband to the police. 
The officer looked at the guy's photograph, 
questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to 
give her husband any message if they found him.
"Yes, please," she replied. 
"Tell him Mother didn't come after all."

“Never ask a podiatrist for conversions to metric 
- he only knows feet.”