Thursday, December 18, 2014



One evening an avid bird watcher stood in his 
backyard and heard an owl hoot. 
So he thought he'd give a hoot back. 
To his surprise and delight the bird hooted again. 
The next night the same scenario occurred. 
All Summer, the man and his feathered friend 
hooted back and forth. 
He even kept a log of the "conversations." 
Just as he thought he was on the verge of a 
breakthrough in inter species communication, 
his wife, had a chat with her next door neighbor. 
"My husband spends his nights calling to owls," 
the wife commented. 
"That's odd," the neighbor replied. 
"So does my husband." 
Then it dawned on them...

Where did The "Who" get the idea from to wreck 
their instruments on stage?
They thought they'd try something different to 
get their big break.

You know what my wife gets me every year for
Scratch tickets. 
Thanks for making the decision to gamble away 
my Christmas gift for me. 

An applicant was being interviewed for admission 
to a prominent medical school. 
"Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do 
you expect to be ten years from now?"
"Well, let's see," replied the student. 
"It's Wednesday afternoon. 
I guess I'll be on the golf course by now."

What do they call a dishonest lawyer?

My favorite sci-fi this year is... 
the Bank of America ad where the 30 year old 
dude with a new baby has $56k in his checking 

I hope when the machines take over the world 
they start by fixing my cable. 

Once again, I thought I'd fart in my midget 
wife's face for a joke. 
But as usual, it went over her head. 

Fed Ex & UPS packages.... 
tis the season for thieves stealing porch package 
drop offs...... 
So don't forget to leave one out just for them, 
a nice christmas wrapped box of dogshit should 
do..... or your used engine oil with an exploding 
put a ribbon on it cuz its better to give than 

Mommy, Mommy..... 
what's a vampire? 
Shut up and eat your soup before it clots. 

How do you top a car? 
Tep on the brake, tupid.