This ones mine.....
"He's been working with glue too much."
"Donated his brain to science before he was
done using it."
"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge;
he only gargled."
"If you give him a penny for his thoughts,
you'd get change."
A factory in Philippines had the following sign on
the main gate:
"Female workers - BEWARE
If your skirt is long, guard yourself from Engines
If your skirt is short, guard yourself from
This is the first time I have made it through the
month of October without hearing "Monster Mash"
Bobby goes to see his psychiatrist Dr. Smith and
says to him, "Doc, I am getting a terrible dream
time and again."
Dr. Smith asks him, "What do you see in your
Booby replies, "I see myself as a sadist,
necrophilic and beastialist.
Is it cause for concern or am I beating a
Did you hear about the impotent snake that
became virile after taking a massive dose of
I miss the days if you were angry while on the
phone, you could slam it down without costing
A couple is fooling around when they hear a key
in the door.
The woman breaks away and yells, "It's my
husband, quick, jump out the window."
"I can't," the man says, "We're on the thirteenth
"For Christ's sake!" cries the woman.
"This is no time to be superstitious."
Danny asked his lawyer friend,
"How did that old tycoon get acquitted of
The lawyer friend replied, "Huh, the evidence
refused to stand up in court!"
*Puts air guitar back in air case* "Listen if you
wanted a "real guitarist" maybe you should put
that in the ad!"
Two management executives, Mark and Jim,
saw the finance head go out for lunch with a
sexy and attractive secretary.
Mark remarked, "Doesn't look like she has much
Jim replied, "I don't think that's the floor the
finance head is getting off at."
Mrs. Griffith, the Maths teacher discovered that
little Harry had not done his homework.
She scolded him, "Where is your Arithmetic
Little Harry replied, "Miss it had too many
problems, so it took its own life!"
My annoying little cousin is bragging about how
he sleeps in a race car bed.
Whatever, you little idiot.. I sleep in a real car.