Monday, November 3, 2014


This ones mine.....


Performance Appraisals:
"He's been working with glue too much."
"Donated his brain to science before he was 
done using it."
"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; 
he only gargled."
"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, 
you'd get change."

A factory in Philippines had the following sign on 
the main gate:
"Female workers - BEWARE 
If your skirt is long, guard yourself from Engines
If your skirt is short, guard yourself from 

This is the first time I have made it through the 
month of October without hearing "Monster Mash"

Bobby goes to see his psychiatrist Dr. Smith and 
says to him, "Doc, I am getting a terrible dream 
time and again."
Dr. Smith asks him, "What do you see in your 
Booby replies, "I see myself as a sadist, 
necrophilic and beastialist. 
Is it cause for concern or am I beating a 
dead horse?"

Did you hear about the impotent snake that 
became virile after taking a massive dose of 

I miss the days if you were angry while on the 
phone, you could slam it down without costing 

A couple is fooling around when they hear a key 
in the door. 
The woman breaks away and yells, "It's my 
husband, quick, jump out the window." 
"I can't," the man says, "We're on the thirteenth 
"For Christ's sake!" cries the woman. 
"This is no time to be superstitious." 

Danny asked his lawyer friend, 
"How did that old tycoon get acquitted of 
molestation charges?"
The lawyer friend replied, "Huh, the evidence 
refused to stand up in court!"

*Puts air guitar back in air case* "Listen if you 
wanted a "real guitarist" maybe you should put 
that in the ad!" 

Two management executives, Mark and Jim, 
saw the finance head go out for lunch with a 
sexy and attractive secretary.
Mark remarked, "Doesn't look like she has much 
Jim replied, "I don't think that's the floor the 
finance head is getting off at."

Mrs. Griffith, the Maths teacher discovered that 
little Harry had not done his homework. 
She scolded him, "Where is your Arithmetic 
Little Harry replied, "Miss it had too many 
problems, so it took its own life!"

My annoying little cousin is bragging about how 
he sleeps in a race car bed. 
Whatever, you little idiot.. I sleep in a real car.