••
♥
Best garage sale ever!
It's not advertised, nobody's here and it's all free!
It's like my neighbor accidentally left his garage
door open.
••
I hope that fat guy didn't notice me glancing at
the weight limit sign on the elevator just now.
Or clearing my throat and pointing at it.
••
What do you get when you ask a politician to
tell "the truth, the whole truth and nothing but
the truth"?
Three different answers.
••
A Muslim suicide bomber dies and goes to
paradise.
Once in paradise, he finds himself surrounded by
72 of the ugliest skanks anyone has ever set eyes
upon.
A bemused Allah then says to him, "Why do you
think they're still virgins, you dumbass?"
••
Republicans are already trying to paint
Hillary Clinton as too old to be president.
In fact, a new ad claims she's so old that she
could be a Republican....
••
While looking at a house, my brother asked the
Real Estate agent which direction was north
because He didn't want the sun waking him up
every morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the
east And has for sometime.
She shook her head and said,
'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'
••
An inexperienced college girl asked her doctor,
“What is a good time for sex?”.
The doctor replied, “between noon and one p.m.”
Surprised, she asked, “and why is that, doctor?”
“Well,” the physician responded, “that’s when my
nurse goes to lunch.”
••
A Women's mind is cleaner then a mans because
she changes it so often.
••
With age comes wisdom.
Apparently wisdom weighs about 30 pounds.
••
I took what I thought was liquid Viagra last night.
It was, in fact, whiteout.
I woke up this morning with a massive correction.
••
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed party,
so I invited all of her Friends over and made
them clean the house.
••
You may remember me from such maneuvers as
crossing the street to avoid you.
••••
