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"Television has done much for psychiatry by
spreading information about it, as well as
contributing to the need for it."
-- Alfred Hitchcock
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My congressman just wrote to tell me if I don't
re-elect him, whatever-scares-me-most will
probably happen........
Send money.
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"The more you read and observe about this
Politics thing, you got to admit that each party
is worse than the other.
The one that's out always looks the best."
-- Will Rogers
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Why did the snail paint an “s” on his car?
So that when he drove down the street, his friends
would say, “look at that s- car go!”
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Quit calling me to the front of the store to claim
my lost child!
Drop her in the lost & found and I'll get her when
I'm ready.
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I picked up this chick who said she was a witch...
"Bullshit," I said.... "Prove it."
So she leaned over and whispered something in
my ear and *POOF*
I turned into a motel.
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Murphy Laws Applied to Aviation Sector........
The best-looking woman on your flight is never
seated next to you.
The crying baby on board your flight is always
seated next to you.
If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably
will be delayed.
Only passengers seated in window seats ever have
to get up to go to the lavatory.
If you are running late for a flight, it will depart
from the farthest gate within the terminal.
If you must work on your flight, you will
experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen
to paper.
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Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough
to suit some people."
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Somebody suggested to only smoke when drinking
to cut back.
Great, now I'm a smoker AND an alcoholic.
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A woman who plays cards one night a month
with a group of friends was concerned that she
always woke up her husband when she came
home around 11:30.
So she decided to be considerate and not rouse
him this time.
She undressed in the living room and, purse over
arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom, only to find
him sitting up in bed, reading.
"Oh No!" he exclaimed.
"Did you lose EVERYTHING?!?"
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I sure buy a lot of alcohol.
Hope I'm not a shopaholic.
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