••
♥
"I find television very educating.
Every time somebody turns on the set,
I go into the other room and read a book."
-- Groucho Marx
••
I think the funnest part of a prostate exam is
when I fake an orgasm.
••
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner
They're usually around 90 degrees.
••
My wife accused me of being immature.
I told her to get out of my fort....
••
I just did 25 sit-ups.
Ok, I tried to sit up 25 times...still laying here.
••
A young woman was preparing for her wedding.
She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice
long black negligee and carefully place it in her
suitcase so it would not wrinkle.
Well, Mom forgot until the last minute.
So she dashed out and could only find a short
pink nightie.
She bought it and threw it into the suitcase.
After the wedding the bride and groom enter
their hotel room.
The groom was a little self-conscious so he asked
his new bride to change in the bathroom and
promise not to peek while he got ready for bed.
While she was in the bathroom, the bride opened
her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had
thrown in there.
She exclaimed, "Oh no! It's short, pink, and
wrinkled!"
Then her groom cried out......
"I told you not to peek!"
••
My kids had a shirt made for me that says
'Father of the Year 2014 Quarter Finalist'.
••
I don't usually pick up hitchhikers
but this poor guy looks like he's running late to
hockey practice.
He already has his mask on.
••
If you find me passed out in R-ville this week end
with a Sharpie penis drawn on my face, at least
have the decency to not tag me in the Facebook
pic.
••
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on
a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can't
get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
••
Ran out of laundry detergent, so I poured in
some Windex.
It worked OK, except for all the birds smacking
into me.
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