♦♦
♥
"It's been proven that 9 out of 10 single women
who sit at home and have conversations with
their cats are mentally disturbed."
My dog's full of useful information like that.
♦♦
President Obama now says he didn't know how
bad the economy was when he took office.
And if it doesn't improve soon, that's what the
next president is going to be saying.
♦♦
I've just been fired by Pepsi.
I tested positive for Coke.
♦♦
David hurried into the elevator of a posh hotel
and shouted, "Ballroom please!"
A smartly dressed lady standing in front of him
turned to him and said, "Sorry, we didn't
realize we were crowding you."
♦♦
The State Department issued a new travel
warning, urging American citizens to avoid
Syria.
It was part of a new set of warnings called,
'Things you were probably doing already.'
♦♦
Q: What is the difference between
George Washington, Richard Nixon, and your
Mother-in-Law?
A: Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon
couldn't tell the truth, your Mother-in-Law
doesn't know the difference.
♦♦
I was a salesman at one of the big department
stores in R-Ville.
One day, a lady walked in and asked me to help
her select a sky blue shirt that she wanted to
gift her husband.
When I asked her about the size, she seemed
to be at a loss for a while, then suddenly she
was cheerful, and holding up her arms, she
formed a circle with her thumbs and forefingers.
"I am not sure about the size, but his neck fits
perfectly between my hands!"
♦♦
The walgreen's pharmacy was broken into and
a large amount of viagra was taken.
The local police said to be on the look out for
two hardened criminals.
♦♦
“Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
It's very time consuming.”
♦♦
A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to
be "macho," so he went out walking with one
of the hired hands.
As they were walking through the barnyard,
the visitor tried starting a conversation:
"Say, look at that big bunch of cows."
The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.'
"Heard what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Sure, I've heard of cows.
There's a big bunch of 'em right over there."
♦♦
That depressing moment when you
dip your cookie into milk for too long,
It breaks off, and you wonder why
bad things happen to good people.
♦♦♦♦
