Good Morning...Going to be a fine day...
Mostly sunny in the morning...
then becoming mostly cloudy.
Highs in the lower 70s.
45º now.....
☼

☼

☼

♥♥♥

~  "Does anyone in this room need to be dismissed
from jury duty?" my father, a judge, asked a roomful of
prospective jurors.
 A nervous young man stood up.
"I’d like to be dismissed," he said.
 "And why is that?"
 "My wife is about to conceive."
 Slightly taken aback, Dad responded, "I believe, sir,
you mean ‘deliver.’
But either way, I agree.
You should be there."

☼

~  My laptop was driving me crazy.
"The A, E, and I keys always stick," I complained to a
friend.
 She quickly diagnosed the problem.
"Your computer is suffering from irritable vowel
syndrome."

☼

~  A distraught mum rushed into the back yard,
where eight-year-old Tommy was banging on the bottom
of an old upturned tin bath with a poker.
"What do you think you're doing?" she demanded.
"I'm just entertaining the baby," explained Tommy.
"Where is the baby?" asked his Mum.
"Under the bath."

☼

~  Dewey and Odell met on the Brownsville main street.
"Say," said Dewey, "Ah hurd yew and yore wife is goin'
 ta night school ta take Spanish lessons.
How cum?"
"Uh huh," answered Odell.
"We went and adopted us a little Mexican baby, and we
wanna be able ta understand him when he gets old
 enough ta talk!"

☼

~  Mrs. Martin was called to serve for jury duty,
but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in
capital punishment and didn't want her personal
thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper
course.
 But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and
quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was
appropriate to serve on the jury.
 "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial!
 It's a simple civil lawsuit.
A wife is bringing this case against her husband because
he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use
to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."
 "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Martin, "I'll serve.
I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment
after all."

☼

~  A logging company needed to hire another
lumberjack, the first guy to apply was a short little skinny
fellow, who was laughed at by the manager and told to
leave.
"Just give me a chance," the little guy pleaded.
"Okay," the manager replied, "Grab your axe and cut
down that cedar over there."
Two minutes later he was back at the manager's office,
"Tree's cut....... Do I get the job?"
"I don't believe it, that is so much faster than even my
best lumberjack could have done it.
Where did you learn to use an axe like that?"
the manager inquired.
"Sahara Forest," the little guy replied.
"Don't you mean the Sahara Desert," the manager
corrected him.
"Sure, that's what they call it now."

☼

~  In a rough football game tempers were high. 
The referee called a penalty and walked off fifteen yards.
 Infuriated, one of the players yelled out.....  "You stink!"
Without stopping, the referee stepped off another fifteen
 yards and called back, "How's the aroma from here?"

☼

~  An attorney ran over to the office of his client. 
"I can't believe it!" said the angered attorney. 
"You sent a case of Dom Perignon to the judge in our
case?
That judge is as straight as an arrow.
Now we're certain to lose this case!"
"Relax," said the client, "I sent it in the prosecutor's
name."

☼

☼

Todays Thought:

* "The pessimist complains about the wind;
the optimist expects it to change;
the realist adjusts the sails." - William Arthur Ward

Rae's Trivia......

Humphrey Bogart’s ashes are in an urn that also
contains a small gold whistle.
Lauren Bacall had the whistle inscribed
"If you need anything, just whistle" the words she spoke
 to him in their first film together, To Have and Have Not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good Morning....Every one....
Today we're having....
Patchy fog in the morning.
Sunny. Highs in the upper 60s.
51º right now.....
☼

☼

☼

♥♥♥

~  I'll never forget the day I met my wife.
We were at a Holloween party.
She was standing there, looking gorgeous and slim,
with her fat girlfriend.
 They'd gone together, dressed as the number ten.
I knew then and there, she was the one.

☼

~  The teacher said: Tommy, this is the fifth day this
week you’ve had to stay after school.
What have you to say for yourself?
I'’m certainly glad it’s Friday, said Tommy.

☼
 ~  A friend is teaching an introductory biology class at
a local university.
The topic last week was mammals, and she was
preparing a Power Point slide show with images of
various animals to illustrate the huge diversity of the
mammals.
Of course the obvious place to look for images is on the
Internet, and she had great success with searches for
"armadillo photos," and "whale photos," even
"monkey photos."
Then she made her mistake: she did a search for
"beaver photos."

☼

~  A couple moved into a new house, and within the
first month they had to call an electrician, a painter,
a carpenter, and a roofer. 
One afternoon, the husband returned home from work
early and found a plumber's van in the driveway. 
"Lord," he sighed, "please let her be having an affair."

☼

~ I should have known better than to take my
four-year-old son shopping with me.
I spent the entire time in the mall chasing after him.
Finally, I'd had it.
"Do you want a stranger to take you?!" I scolded.
Thrilled, he yelled back, "Will he take me to the zoo?"

☼

~  Signs You Have a Hangover.....
1. You'd rather have a pencil driven through your retina
 than be exposed to sunlight.
2. Trying to gain control of the situation,
you continue to tell your room to "stay still."
3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same
reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint.
4. You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's pets.
5. You set aside an entire morning to spend some
quality time with your toilet.
6. You replaced the traditional praying on your knees
with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
7. The bathroom reminds you of a carnival barker
shouting, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
8. All day long your motto is, "Never again."
9. You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the
bottles around your bed.
10. Your natural response to "Good morning," is
"Shut up!"

☼
 ~  A lawyer was on his cell phone, calling a locksmith.
 'I locked my keys in my sports car!' said the nervous
lawyer.
 'No problem, I should be there in about an hour,'
replied the locksmith.
 'Do you think you can make it a little sooner?'
pleaded the lawyer.
'My top is down and it?s starting to rain.'

☼

~  On his first day on the job, a rookie New York City cop
 went out on patrol with his more experienced partner.
 When they reached 42nd Street, they saw a group of
people gathered on a street corner. 
"I'll handle it," said the rookie excitedly. 
He approached the crowd and shooed them all along. 
The crowd reluctantly dispersed, looking puzzled. 
The rookie got back in the car and said, "Not bad, huh?"
"Yeah," said his partner. 
"You did okay......  Too bad that was a bus stop."

☼

~  Two small boys were hesitant about approaching
their mother for a permission which was almost certain
to be denied. 
They felt they must take the long shot..."You ask her."
said Billy to his younger brother...
"No, you do it," said the younger boy .......
"You've known her longer than I have!"

☼

*  We were sitting down for dinner one evening and it
was my three-year-old son Roy's turn to say grace.
He sat on his chair, bowed his head, folded his hands
and said, "Dear Jesus, thank you for the lasagna. 
You can't have any.
Amen."

☼

☼

Pete's Thought of the day:

 Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from
nowhere to nothing. - Ambrose Bier

Rae's trivia......

South Korea's disgraced former "supreme scientist"
Hwang Woo-suk is making headlines again, this time
for allegedly having successfully cloned coyotes for the
first time.
In 2005, Hwang scandalized the international scientific
community when his breakthrough research involving
the cloning of human embryonic stem cells was found
to have been fabricated.
The one-time national hero was stripped of his titles
and fired from his post at Seoul National University,
but he hopes that his new work will help him reclaim his
standing in the scientific community.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good Morning....
I will sell you a great cold....Cheap!
I have a good one..... you know the routine....
Can't sleep...so here I am.... Aint I lucky??
Any way today; Mostly cloudy in the morning...
then becoming partly sunny.
Highs around 70. Southwest winds 5 to 10 mph.
I'm reading 46º right now......
☼

A few clouds yesterday morning...

☼

☼

♥♥♥

~  A pickpocket was up in court for a series of petty
crimes.
The judge said “Mr. Martin you are hereby fined $100.”
The lawyer stood up and said “Thanks, my lord, however
my client only has $75 on him at this time,
but if you’d allow him a few minutes in the crowd......

☼

~  Pete wasn't very good at spelling.
During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the
word "new" on the blackboard.
"Now," she asked Pete, "what word would we
have if we placed a "K" in the front?"
 After a moment's reflection, Pete said, "Canoe?"

☼

~  Two children went into their parent's bathroom and
noticed the scale in the corner.
 "Whatever you do," cautioned one child to the younger
one, "don't step on it!"
 "Why not?" asked the sibling.
 "Because every time mom does, she lets out an awful
scream!"

☼

~  "I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop,
"we don't have potted geraniums.
Could you use African violets instead?"
 Replied Pete sadly, "No, it was geraniums my
wife told me to water while she was gone."

☼

~  Q: Why did the blonde quit her job as a restroom
attendant?
A: She couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer!

☼

~  Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up
a storm.
Johnny asked his mom, "Where did he come from?"
"He came from heaven, Johnny."
"Wow! I can see why they threw him out!"

☼

~  The drunk staggered up to the hotel reception and
demanded his room be changed.
"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in
the hotel."
"I insist on another room!!" said the drunk.
"Very good, sir.
 I`ll change you from 502 to 555.
Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?"
asked the clerk.
 "Well, for one thing," said the drunk,.... "it's on fire."

☼

~  A couple 'hippie hangovers' had a daughter whom
they decided to name Destiny.
No one ever thought she would make anything of herself,
but after high school she went through hair cutting
college and was soon receiving praises far and wide for
her unique and fashionable styling skills.
People from all over now come in to have.......
 a brush with Destiny.

☼

~  A doctor was woken at 3 a.m. to make a house call. 
He forced himself to get out of bed and make his way
through a terrible snowstorm to his patient's house. 
After he examined the patient, the doctor told the man
to send immediately for his lawyer, friends, and relatives,
and to make a will.
When the doctor got home, he told his wife what he'd
done. 
"Why? Was the man that sick?" she asked.
"No" replied the doctor. 
"I just didn't want to be the only one called out on such
a horrible night."

☼

☼

Thought of the day:

* Advertising may be described as the science of
arresting human intelligence long enough to get money
from it. - Stephen Leacock

Rae's trivia......

In 1867, Russia sold Alaska to the United States for
$7,200,000.
The purchase was accomplished solely through the
determined efforts of US Secretary of State
William H. Seward, and for many years afterward the
land was derisively called "Seward's Folly" or
"Seward's Icebox" because of its supposed
uselessness.
It was not until after the discovery of gold in the Juneau
region in 1880 that Alaska was given a governor and a
local administration.

º▼▲▼▲▼▲▼▲▼º

Good orning, Friends....
Patchy fog in the morning. Sunny, today....
Highs in the mid 60s.
Reading 39º this morning....
☼

☼

☼

♥♥♥

~  When Colonel Gaddafi had a gun aimed at him,
I hope somebody had a sense of humor to yell....
"Gaddafi, Duck!"

☼

~  I was reading in the Readers Digest that if you want
your spouse to feel more appreciated you should at
least treat her as well as the family pet.... you know....
greet her when you come in the door from work each
night like you greet the dog or the cat.
 So I got home from work last night, went up to her,
patted her on the head, told her she was a good girl,
and threw her a milk bone.
 Now I'm in the dog house .... dang Readers Digest....

☼

~  Men are like an automobile......
As it gets older, the differential starts slipping,
and the U-joints get worn, causing the drive shaft to go
bad.
The transmission won't go into high gear and
sometimes has difficulty getting out of low.
 The cylinders get worn and lose compression,
making it hard to climb the slightest incline.
When it is climbing, the tappets clatter and ping to the
point where one wonders if the old bus will make it to
the top.
 The carburetor gets fouled with pollutants and other
matter, making it hard to get started in the morning.
It is hard to keep the radiator filled because of the
leaking hose.
 The thermostat goes out, making it difficult to reach
operating temperature.
The headlights grow dim, and the battery need constant
recharging.
 But if the body looks good, we can keep it washed and
polished, giving the impression it can compete with
newer models and make one more trip down the
primrose lane before the head gasket blows.
 Gentlemen... start your engines!!

☼

~  You know, when I was 25, my haircuts took 20
minutes, now they take 5.
The good news is that I have used the same barber the
whole time.
They charge by the minute, so I have not seen a price
increase in 31 years.

☼
 ~  Lindsay Lohan was taken into custody --
the good news for her parents is they can see her
growing up in with all her mugshots.

☼

~  One day, while they were lounging in the Garden of
Eden, Eve turned to Adam and said, "Darling, do you
love me?"
To which Adam replied, "Of course, dear. Who else
could I love?"

☼

~  Two drunks are walking along.
One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night.
Look at that moon!"
 The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend.
"You are wrong..... That's not the moon; that's the sun!"
 Both continued arguing for awhile when they came
upon another drunk walking along.
So they stopped him and said,
"Sir, could you please help settle our argument?
Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining.
Is it the moon or the sun?"
 The third drunk look at the sky and then looked at them
and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."

☼

~  Did you hear?
 A giant fly attacks police station....
Don't worry, the Swat team's been notified.......

☼

~  A man walked into a hotel and asked to book  a room.
  The clerk said, "I'm sorry sir, but we're completely full."
 Frustrated, the man said, "If the president of the United
States came in, I bet you'd have a room for him,
wouldn't you?"
 The clerk replied impatiently, "Of course, sir"
 "Well," said the man, "he won't be able to make it
tonight, so how about giving me his room?"

☼

~  Hell hath no fury....
like a pop tart that wasn't allowed to cool enough!

☼

☼

Todays Thought:

* The book says, "We might be through with the past,
but the past ain't through with us." - Magnolia

Rae's Trivia.......

Desi Arnaz, from I Love Lucy, saw a dubbed Lucy show
while in Japan and heard himself "speaking" Japanese.
"It sounded so genuine," he later recalled, "that I had
to ask how they handled my lousy English.
 It was easy,’ said the producer.
 ’We just hired an actor who spoke lousy Japanese.'

▬▬▬▬▬ºº▬▬▬▬

#1,444

Good Morning...readers..
Sunny in the morning...then becoming partly sunny.
Highs in the upper 50s.
I'm reading 40º right now....
☼

Yesterdays sunrise.....

☼

☼

♥♥♥

~ Time for some jokes.....
The President(all of them)
Congress
The Senate
That's the top three jokes right now.

☼

~ Hello, this is On Star Mr Gadaffi.
We noticed that your car is not moving,
is everything OK? ..... Hello,...Hello?

☼

~  Hey,what game is banned in libya?
Follow the leader!!

☼

~  Just a thought.....
Maybe if the Libyans spent less time firing into the air,
the civil war could have ended 4 months ago.

☼

~   A drunk was in front of a judge.
The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking."
The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

☼

~  Two guys met in a bar one day and started talking.
The usuall where you from kind of stuff at first.
Turns out one guy was from Texas and liked bragging
how big everything was there.
He told his new friend that he could drive all day long
and still not be on the other side of his ranch.
His friend nodded and said "I had a car like that once".

☼

~  New border patrol technique.......
The mayor of Mexico City has been giving out free Viagra.
That’s going to make it harder for the guys to crawl
under the fence now.

☼

~  As I walked around the grocery store an old lady
approached my with a can of fly spray.
' excuse me young man, do you know if this is any good
for flies? ' she asked.
' no, it kills them ' I replied....

☼

~ My friend, An American Coast Guard pilot, served in
England.
Everyone who drove through the base's gates was
required to hold an official ID card up to the windshield
for inspection by the guards, who never seemed to be
particularly vigilant.
So my friend's squadron started flashing different forms
of ID, such as a driver's license, just to see what they
could get away with.
The winner: the guy who breezed past waving a piece of
toast.

☼

~  People are saying that Lindsay Lohan was thumbing
 her nose at the law.
She was probably just holding it on from all the coke.

☼

☼

Todays Thought:

* Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball
into a even smaller hole, with weapons singularly
ill-designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill

Rae's Trivia.....

At the outset of the Manhattan Project, Albert Einstein
was one of the scientists who forecast that an A-bomb
would have to be so large and heavy that it would
require a ship to deliver it to its target.

Good Morning, Friends....

Today...Partly sunny. Highs around 60.

West winds 5 to 10 mph.

Yesterday's wind gusts were pretty fast....

Acorns and leaves were coming down....

☼

 

No waffles...Please.....

you can tell I love these toons....

☼

☼

♥♥♥

~  I woke up this morning at 8 and could smell
something was wrong.
I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the
kitchen floor, not breathing!.
I panicked. I didn’t know what to do…………………
Then I remembered I Hop serves breakfast until 11.30.

☼

~  The math teacher saw that little Jimmy wasn't paying
attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Jimmy!
what are 24, 11, 4 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "ESPN, FOX, NBC and the
Nickelodeon!"

☼

~  Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds
fee" on money they already know you don't have?

☼

~  I love my children as much as anybody in here.
I let them watch TV and stuff .......
when I let them out of the shed.

☼

~  what do you get when you cross an elephant and a
rhino?
el if i know

☼

~  Many years ago, I attended the University of North
Texas. 
 I decided to enroll in first-year French for an easy credit.
 Our professor cracked me up when she explained,
"Now remember, class, 'tu' means 'y'all'
 and 'vous' means 'all y'all.'

☼

~  Father O'Malley answers the phone. 
"Hello is this Father O'Malley?"
 "It is"
 "This is the IRS.  Can you help us?"
 "I can!"
 "Do you know a Ted Houlihan?""
 "I do"
 "Is he a member of your congregation?"
 "He is"
 "Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"
 "He will"

☼

~  All kids like vegetables, after the potato has been
turned into a chip, the carrot into a cake, the cucumber
into a pickle, and the tomato into a pizza sauce.

☼

~  A customer in the luggage store had looked at almost
 every bag when a salesman approached him and said,
"Can I help you find something?"
 "Actually,"the customer said, "I'm not buying. 
I'm just looking for a friend."
" Very well," replied the salesman.
"would you like me to open up the last few to see if
he's in one of them?"

☼

☼

Todays Thought:

~ Power is like a fried egg no matter how you cut it up
somebody always get's more than the rest....

Rae's Trivia......

The valves of the human heart are as thick as a single
piece of tissue paper. 
Women reject heart transplants more often than men.

or how about....

Coca Cola was originally described as an
"Esteemed Brain Tonic and Intellectual Beverage".

~~~~~~~~~ºº~~~~~~~~