Merry Christmas....Friends and neighbors....

I hope you have peace in your world.....

.

~~~~~~

Do you like wet gifts?.....

.

Beer tree??

.

Happy out house?? I don't know about that..

.

Santa's getting it , Huh.....

.

He's just hanging out......

.

The baby sistter's got a suprise waiting for him......

.

Eno's Christmas........

Don't drink the egg nog.......and drive or walk......

.

♥♥♥

~~ DIETING---NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS:

2006: I will get my weight down below 180 pounds.
2007: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200 pounds.
2008: I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
2009: I will work out 3 days a week.
2010: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.

.
~~ Pete: I have a chance for the soccer team.
Gus: I didn't know they were raffling it off.

.
~~ "Excuse me," said the game warden approaching Pete,
"but you need a permit in order to fish here."
Pete glanced at his full basket of fish.
"Why?" I'm doin' just fine with a worm..

.
~~ A man was telling of his power at home, saying,
"I'm the boss at home.
Just this morning there was no hot water, I blew up.
I demanded hot water and got hot water.
I can't wash dishes in cold water!"

.
~~ Toward the end of the year, the television screen is filled with
one football game after another.
One football widow put on a sheer negligee and paraded herself
in front of her husband.
He looked up from the TV set long enough to say,
"Why did you buy a gray negligee?"
The wife answered, "I didn't. It's dust!"

.
~~ "Here's a fun fact: You know how much Christmas wrapping
paper is on the average roll?
Four inches less than you need." -Jay Leno

.
~~ A little girl walked into the local drugstore,
held out a dime, and asked for an ice cream cone.
The clerk said, "An ice cream cone is a quarter."
"How about a Coke?"
"That's also a quarter."
"A pack of gum?"
"Thirty-five cents."
The girl sighed, put the dime on the counter, and started to walk
out.
The clerk said, "Honey, you've forgotten your dime."
The little girl said, "What good is it?
It doesn't buy anything!"

.
~~ Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

.
~~ "In China, an animal trainer taught his monkeys Kung fu,
and then they attacked him using his best kung fu moves.
Luckily, they were no match for the parrot he'd taught to fire a
gun." -Conan O'Brien

.
~~ "Now, class," said Mrs. Ackerman, "would someone please
tell me where elephants are found?"
"Gee," squealed little Roderick, "I thought they were so big they
never got lost!"
.
.
Todays Thought:  Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has

never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
.
.
Stolen from Carol...
We Wish You a Merry♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ Christmas♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥


¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪We Wish You a Merry ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪Christmas

♥ ♥ ♥We Wish You A Merry ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪Christmas ♪♫•

*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪...And A Happy New Year!♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪...

Good Morning...Friends and neighbors.....
Ready for Christmas...?  Gonna be bad weather...
but we are ready....
.

I hope Everyone has a great Christmas, and a happy Holiday..

.

Oh, No...there goes my nose....help!

.

What a gift....

.

Watch him,..SANTA!!...

.

A redneck Reindeer.....??

.

You will think different when he grabs you.....Squirrels can be mean...

.

Santa's not gonna like this......

.

This is why I like "ENO"...

.

"Eno's" the MAN/....

.

Well, I guess I will leave after this.....

.

.♥♥♥

~~ On Christmas Eve, Gus thought it would be nice to buy his

Lady friend a little gift for the next day.
Always short of money, he thought long and hard about what
that present might be' Unable to decide,
Gus entered Target and in the cosmetics section he asked
the girl, 'How about some perfume?'
She showed him a bottle costing $150.00
'Too expensive,' muttered Gus.
The young lady returned with a smaller bottle for $75.00
'Oh dear,' Gus groused, 'still far too much.'
Growing rather annoyed at Gus's meanness,
the sales girl brought out a tiny $20 bottle and offered it to him.
Gus became really agitated, 'What I mean', he whined,
'is I'd like to see something really cheap.'
So the sales girl handed him a mirror.

.
~~ Bobbie was going to the Christmas office party but needed
a new party dress.
In the clothing store she asked,
'May I try on that dress in the window, please?'
'Certainly not, madam,' responded the salesgirl,
'You'll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.'

.
~~ What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.

.
~~  What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.

.
~~  What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.

.
~~  How do you explain ice to a child?
Skid stuff!

.
~~ Just before Xmas, an honest politician,
a generous lawyer and Santa Claus all got into the elevator at
the Ritz Hotel in R-ville.
As the elevator travelled from the 5th floor down to the ground
level, one-by-one they noticed a $50 note lying on the elevator's
floor.
Which one picked up the $50 note, and handed it in at reception?
Santa of course, the other two don't actually exist!

.
~~ 'I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with
a note on it saying, toys not included.'

.
~~ Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

.
~~ Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and
adults pay for it.
Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and
their kids pay for it.

.
~~ Blonde goes into a pet shop to buy a goldfish.
The store owner says 'do you want an aquarium'.
The blonde says, 'I don't care what star sign it is'.

.
~~ You know how people do the wave at stadiums..
What do you call it when midgets do it?
A ripple.


.
~~ Richard Milhouse Nixon was the first United States President
whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal."
The second? William Jefferson Clinton.
.
.
Todays Thought:  'Peace on earth will come to stay, when we live Christmas every day.'

Good Morning...Friends and neighbors...
The Snow is slowly melting...
.

He's watching you..HE KNOWS!.....

.

Alvin...is that you??...

.

Okay, Okay...shut my pie hole up.....

.

Hey!.. we gots a box to play in.....

.

I'z gots a box too......

.

Bus riders don't need oil.... Who knew??

.

Needs a landscaper?? call this guy..he's cheap.

.

Who builds a snowman..with all this snow?....

.

Their giving them away in crackerjacks too...

.

I have no idea, whats going on here??

.

Well, their shooting....So I gotta be leaving...

See you later.....

.

♥♥♥

~~ "I'm going to tell you some jokes now, and I'll be honest with you, a lot of these jokes have been re-gifted."

.

~~ When I checked into a cheap hotel,
the receptionist said: "I hope you have a good memory for faces."
I asked "Why?"
"Because he said; there's no mirror in the bathroom."

.
~~ Pete was walking past a blind woman using a cane on a
street corner downtown, when she said,
"Excuse me, but if it's not too much trouble,
can you see me across the street?"
Pete replied, "Just a minute."
He walked across the street, looked back and yelled,
"Yes, I can see you!"

.
~~ A 4-year-old boy was asked to give the meal blessing before
Christmas dinner.
The family members bowed their heads in expectation.
He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming
them one by one.
Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister,
Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles.
Then he began to thank God for the food.
He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad,
the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip.
Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited.
After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother
and asked, "If I thank God for the green beans, won't he know
that I'm lying?"

.
~~ A TREE OF LIGHTS
Holiday Past - In 1949, the tree at Rockefeller Center in New York
City, New York was strung with 7,500 bulbs.
Holiday Present - Now more than 25,000 bulbs are strung on the
tree - that's more than 5 miles of lights!

.
~~ Notes from home to the teacher ----------------------------------
"Please excuse Albertine from choir today.
Her head cold makes it difficult for her to breed."

.
~~ A teenager was nervous as he took the wheel for his first
driving lesson.
Two other students waited their turns in the back seat.
As the driver was pulling out of the parking lot, the teacher said,
"Turn left here, and don't forget to let the people behind you
know what you're doing."
The young driver turned to the students sitting in the back seat
and announced, "I'm going left."

.
~~ Did you know....
Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."

.
~~ Some Triva......
The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days
when the engines were pulled by horses.
The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out
how to walk up straight staircases.

.
~~ The three most valuable brand names on earth are:
Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

.
~~ Harry was a compulsive gambler who would bet on anything,
cards, horses, roulette, dogs, football, baseball, dice, basketball.
One day after a run of bad luck, he said to his best friend:
"Buddy, I hate asking you this, but I need $3,000 urgently.
We've got no food in the house, I owe three months' rent,
the kids need new clothes and my wife is too ashamed to go
0ut because we have bad cheques at every store in town.
Is there any way you can help me out?"
The friend thought for a moment before writing Harry a cheque
for $4,000 so that he could get back on his feet.
"But there's one condition," he said.
"I don't want you using the money for gambling."
"No worries," said Harry.
"I've got money put aside for that."
.
.
Todays Thought:   Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never fires, and a touch that never hurts.

Good Morning.....Friends and Neighbors.....
Still cold, and still got snow on the ground...
.

Merry Christmas...

.

Friends waiting for breakfast.......

.

Oh...NO!!...Don't worry,  wrong S. Claus......

.

What happened?  

.

Has a hard time picking up country music....

.

Little heavy....Huh!

.

Nachos??

.

~~ENO, the MAN~~

.

Well, time to go...Later...

.

♥♥♥

~~ Gus went into a barber's shop and asked how much it would be for a haircut.

"Twenty-five dollars," said the barber."
"Twenty-five dollars, that's crazy!" exclaimed Gus.
"I've hardly got any hair.
How can it be that expensive?"
The barber explained: "It's $5.00 for the actual cut,
and $20 for the search fee."

.
~~ VaDan a country fellow was explaining about his applying
for a job in town at Mrs. Fielding's grocery store, saying,
"I came in all spiffed up and she liked that.
She wanted to know if I had the muscles to lift up heavy boxes.
I showed her my arm.
She liked that.
Then she asked me if I could raise those boxes up to the
highest shelf.
I showed her my strong back.
She liked that.
Then she asked me to show her my testimonials.
I guess that's when I lost the job!"

.
~~ An eighty-year-old man was accused by his ex-nurse of
being the father of her baby.
The old man's family tried to get the charge dropped, but the
old man refused to let them.
His middle-aged daughter said,
"Dad, you know you couldn't have fathered her child."
The eighty-year-old man said, "Of course not,
but I'll be so proud when I plead guilty!"

.
~~ Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his
parents for days.
Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny,
"especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"

.
~~ My teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I'd
said, "Fried chicken".
My teacher said I was being disrespectful.
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right.
Everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be honest and I am.
Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was
probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened and he laughed too.
Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite
live animal was.
I told her it was chickens.
She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children.
So I told her it was because you could make them into fried
chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office again.
He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand.
My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like
it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we
admire most.
I told her "Colonel Sanders". She sent me to the principal's office
again.
This school stuff is really confusing.

.
~~ The highlight of their zoo trip was a peacock showing off its
plumage.
Wyatt was particularly taken with it.
That evening, he couldn't wait to tell his grandfather:
"grampa, guess what! ....
I saw a Christmas tree come out of a chicken!"

.
~~ One evening late in his life, former senator Chauncey Depew
found himself seated at a dinner party beside a young woman
in a low- cut, off-the-shoulder dress.
Looking the scantily clad woman over, the senator leaned in
towards her.
"My dear" he asked, "What is keeping that dress on you?"
The woman replied: "Only your age, Mr Depew!"

.
~~ "It's true," the weekend golfer told his wife on his way out the
door.
"I love golf more than I love you.
But," he proclaimed, "I love you more than tennis."

.
~~ A wife served some homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast
and waited eagerly for her husband's reaction.
When none was immediately forthcoming, she said:
"If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I
could get for one of them?"
Without looking up from his newspaper, he replied:
"About ten years."

.
~~ A young driver caught speeding was told to pull over to the
side of the road.
Realizing he didn't have his seat belt on, he quickly buckled up
before the police officer reached his window.
After lecturing him about speeding, the officer said:
"I see you are wearing your seat belt.
Do you believe in wearing it at all times?"
"Most definitely, officer," he replied.
"I see.
And do you always wear it looped through the steering wheel?"

.
~~ "Nurse," said the doctor, "would you please take Gus's pulse
"Why?" demanded the Gus, "doesn't she have one of her own?"
.
.
Todays Thought:   "keep away from people who try to belittle your ambition.

Small people always do that, but the really great people make
you feel that you, too, can become great." ~Mark Twain~

Good Morning....Friends....Are you ready for Christmas?
Looks like a white Christmas for us......
Makes for a great Christmas...
.

Christmas tree in Shanghai made of 1,000 Heineken beer bottles..

I didn't drink any........

.

Any body got a long straw??

.

Rest well, sleep easy my brothers

Know the line was held, Your job is done
Rest easy, sleep well
Others have taken up where you fell, the line has held
Peace, peace, and farewell ....
Semper Fi.....
.

Kinda a weird house..I bet the neighbor don't like it...

.

Philippines'volcano eruption.......

.

What can I say???

.

I thought this was a great picture.....

.

Opppppps.......

.

I bet it is.....

.

Well, It's time to go....and I gotta go....

.

♥♥♥

~~ "You'll sleep," the doctor said.

"This green pill will make you think of a beautiful native girl in Tahiti.
With the the white pill you'll dream of a fiery, dark-haired Italian
girl in Venice.
And with the yellow pill you'll dream of a voluptuous senorita in Rio."
Pete went home and told Pat his wife....I have to take three pills
Don't wake me!"

.
~~ Tony a golfer was having a terrible game.
First he sliced the ball into bushes, then into a trap,
and finally deep into the woods.
He searched for the ball but couldn't find it.
His caddy suggested that he give up looking.
Tony replied, "No way!... That's my lucky ball."

.
~~ When he saw how astronomically high his latest phone bill
was, the head of the house called a family meeting.
"This is unacceptable," said the father.
"You have to limit the use of the phone.
I never use this phone, I always use the one at the office."
The mother said: "Same here, I hardly ever use the home phone,
because I use my work phone."
The son said: "Me, too.
I never use the home phone.
I always use the company's mobile."
"So what is the problem?" asked the maid.
"We all use our work telephones."

.
~~ When I moved to California, I was a nervous wreck about
earthquakes.
My friend Linda, who was born and raised there, was completely
blas´.
I remember once when we pulled up to a light, her Honda began
to shake.
She looked worried until I stammered, "I think that we're having
an earthquake."
"Thank goodness," Linda said.
"I thought something was wrong with my car."

.
~~ Working out a budget is my determined attempt to live below
my yearnings.

.
~~ Alex was five...all his Christmas presents were always signed,
"from Santa Claus."
A little while after Alex had opened all his presents on Christmas
morning, we became aware that he was looking quite down in
the mouth for no obvious reason.
"What's the matter, Al?" I asked.
"Ummmm," replied Alex slowly,
"I really hoped that you and Mommy would give me something
for Christmas."

.
~~ I was asked to participate in a video for work,
so I brought in a couple of outfits and played thespian for a day.
At the end of the shoot, the receptionist eyed me suspiciously
as I walked around in outfit number two.
"Have you changed clothes?" she asked.
"Or did I forget to go home?"

.
~~ A husband went to a florist to buy a dozen red roses for his
wife's birthday.
However the guy behind the counter said:
"I'm sorry, sir, this isn't a florist, it's a male clinic specializing in
circumcisions and vasectomies."
The husband was mystified.
"So why have you got all those flowers in the window?"
The guy behind the counter replied:
"And what do you suggest we put in the window?"

.
~~ Q: How did Tiger know he's been sleep-walking?
A: He woke up in his own bed.
.
.
Todays Thought:  "Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree......
In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall."