Good Morning...friends.. looks like a nice summer day...

But the leaves are starting to fall........
I'm wondering about the fall colours.......
.

The meeting...... The kid and the Tiger...
.

Salvador Dali, walkin' the anteaters.....
.

Somebodys been the food bag........now, I wonder...
.

Shark soup.......?
.

Rare photos of three bald eagles fighting.........
.

Why would you do this?? Looks so unreal......
.

This tat is so sick........
.

What can you say......I guess he liked his woman and his cards......
.

Ready for a hot shower?

.

♥♥♥

~~ Robert L. Ripley (1890-1949) had one of the largest

automobile collections in the world, yet he never knew
how to drive.

.
~~ A cinematographer worked on a movie with the same
glamorous actress he had worked with six years earlier.
This time she was unhappy with the result.
"I looked much better last time you filmed me," she said.
"Well," said the tactful man, "I was six years younger then."

.
~~ My daughter Ree worked in my law office while she
attended graduate school.
One morning a call came in for her.
I said she wasn't in yet and offered to take a message.
The caller said she'd phone back later.
At 11:00 a.m., the caller tried again, and I reported that Ree
had gone to lunch.
The last call came in at 3:30 p.m.
"I'm sorry," I said, "she's left for the day.
May I take a message?"
"Yes," the caller replied.
"How can I get a job with you?"

.
~~ Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,
and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

.
~~ Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to
become the next Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed
the teenager over to the weight-lifting department.
"Please, Dad," whined the boy, "I promise I'll use them every day."
"I don't know, Michael.
It's really a big commitment on your part," the father pointed out.
"Please, Dad?"
"They're not cheap either."
"I'll use them Dad, I promise....... You'll see."
Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed
for the door.
From the corner of the store he heard his son yell, "What!...
You mean I have to carry them to the car?!"

.
~~ VISITOR - "Do you like playing the trombone, dear?"
CHILD - "Oh, no, I hate it, really, but Mommy makes me do it when
she wants people to go."

.
~~ My husband is a car nut.
That's why I could appreciate the card he gave me on our
fifth wedding anniversary.
It read, "The last 72,000 miles of my life have been the best ever!"

.
~~ For every problem there's a simple solution.
Unfortunately it's usually wrong.

.
~~ At my twelve-year-old's request, I loaded my Rolling Stones
tunes onto his iPod.
"I had no idea you liked the Stones," I said.
"Sure. I like all that old-fashioned music," he said.
"What do you mean, 'old-fashioned music'?"
"You know," he said defensively. "Music from the 1900s."

.
~~ QUESTION: Why are teeth like verbs?
ANSWER: They are regular, irregular and defective.

.
~~ George V (1865-1936), an avid stamp collector,
was with his private secretary one afternoon when his
secretary remarked,"I see in The Times today that some
damn fool has given fourteen hundred pounds for a single
stamp at a private sale."
The king replied, "I am that damn fool."

.
~~ A small town is a place where there is little to see or do,
but what you hear makes up for it.

.
~~ Gus took his family to visit a living history museum,
which included seeing houses and stores that were more than
one hundred years old.
After they entered an old one-room schoolhouse Gus pointed
to a desk that had an empty hole for an ink bottle.
"What do you think this hole was for? he asked his kids.
His twelve-year-old son Arty replied, "It's a Coke can holder."
.
.

Todays Thought: Those who do not read are no better off than those who cannot.
.

Good Morning....friends....Warm for the first day of Autumn...
We're going to have showers today........
.

Okay....I'll get you a nut..........
.

Got to be careful picking black berries.....

.

This little guy wants to smoke........or is he just hungry?..

.

Moving this old house..... with a pick-up ???

.

Kind of different head stone..... Worlds best??

.

Now....this little guy was hungry........

.

No thank you.........

.

Things to do while eating your whooper......

.

Well, I guess I'll get some rest.........

.

♥♥♥

~~ On my way to a picnic, I stopped at a fast-food place to
order a quart of potato salad.
"We don't sell it by the quart," the clerk snapped.
"Okay, then give me two pints, please," I replied.
I'm proud to say I held my tongue when she asked,
"Do you want it in one container?"

.
~~~ If you think marriage is going to be perfect,
you're probably still at your reception.

.
~~ While driving in the car with my son,
I had an "oldies" radio station on.
It played a song that I remembered from the 1960's.
"You know, Bobby, this song was on when I was in bed
with a broken leg when I was young."
"Gee, Dad, that's too bad," he replied.
"You couldn't even get up to turn it off."

.
~~ A mother walks in on her 6 year-old son and
finds him sobbing.
"What's the matter?" she asks.
"I've just figured out how to tie my shoes."
"Well, Honey, that's wonderful."
Being a wise mother, she recognized his victory in the struggle
of autonomy versus doubt:
"You're growing up, but why are you crying?"
"Because," he says, "now I'll have to do it every day for the rest
of my life."

.
~~ "I have no respect for gangs today.
None...... They just drive by and shoot people.
At least in the old days, like in West Side Story,
the gangs used to dance with each other."

.
~~ He (awkward dancer) -
"It was nice of you to give me this dance."
She (sweetly) - "Not at all...this is a charity ball."

.
~~ Bobbie: Gee, you smell good.
What have you got on?
Gus: Clean socks.

.

~~ Sherry, was exasperated with her younger sister,
who bought an unreliable car and called her for a ride
every time it broke down.
One day Sherry got yet another one of those calls.
"What happened this time?" she asked.
"My brakes went out," her sister said.
"Can you come and get me?"
"Where are you ?" Sherry asked.
"I'm in the drugstore," her sister responded."
And where's the car?"
"In here with me."

.
~~ If you're having trouble trying to distinguish among all the
sporting events that take up so much of television programming,
here is a simple rule to help you:
baseball is a game played to pipe organ music and
football is a game played to marching band music.

.
~~ Sign posted in the Army recruiting office:
"Marry a veteran, girls.
He can cook, make beds, sew and is already used to taking orders."

.
~~ A survey sent out to our contractors posed the question
"What motivates you to come to work every day?"
One guy answered, "Probation officer."

.
~~ While out walking on the African veld one day,
a missionary suddenly came face to face with a lion.
Thinking that his situation was hopeless,
he sank to his knees in prayer,
but then became greatly relieved when the lion got down on
his knees beside him.
"Dear brother lion," said the missionary,
"how heartening it is to find you joining me in Christian prayer
when a few moments ago I feared for my life!"
"Don't interrupt," growled the lion, "while I'm saying grace!"
.
.
Todays Thought: Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
.

Good Morning, Friends.........Well, I guess Summers over.........
We had a good one this year...... my garden didn't do much tho....
.

Carol sent me a picture of her newest picture she's painted...
I think she has talent...... I think it's very good......
.

Not a good place for a ship to be........
.

Brokeback Chihuahua...................

.

Look alikes................... cute..

.

How Taliban hide from the Americans.........................
.

A Baby siamang... Not a cute critter........

.

Oh...Oh.... don't get too close.....nothing worst then one from a bird....

.

Kids....don't try this at home...........

.

Wasn't a good read.........sorry!

.

♥♥♥

~~ My grandson asked why I called my wife Hon.
"It's a term of endearment," I explained.
My wife mumbled, "After more than 40 years,
it's a term of endurement."

.
~~ Teacher: What family does 'Shantungosaurus' belong to?
Jimmy: I don't know.......
I don't think any family in our neighborhood owns one.

.
~~ So many of Lassie's fans want to ask,
"Was she allowed on the furniture?"
Of course she was, but then, she was the one who paid for it.

.
~~ In order to pay his nursing school tuition,
a student was working two jobs over the summer,
as a butcher's assistant and as a hospital orderly,
both jobs that required the young man wear a long white coat.One night he was wheeling a woman into surgery,
when she sat up suddenly, looked him in the eye,
and screamed, "God save me! It's the butcher!"

.
~~ A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is
away to paint the toilet seat.
The wife comes home sooner than expected,
sits, and gets the seat stuck to her butt.
She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband
to drive her to the doctor.
She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat,
and they go.
When they get to the doctors,
the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament.
The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"
"Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but never framed."

.
~~ A husband is about to leave on a business trip,
"Honey, if my business requires me to stay longer in that town.
I'll send you a card."
"Don't bother dear, I read it already, it's in the pocket of your coat."

.
~~ A man walks into a doctor's office.
He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear
and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

.
~~ It's so ridiculous to see a golfer with a 1-foot putt and
everybody is saying "Shhh" and not moving a muscle.
Then we allow nineteen-year-old kids to face a game-deciding
free throw with seventeen thousand people yelling.

.
~~ My wife and I were in the woods searching for some
hard-to- find wild blackberries when I fell over some logs.
In quite a bit of pain, I yelled for my wife, who rushed right over.
With a look of grave concern, she asked, "Did you spill your berries?"

.
~~ Struggling to manage parenthood and a full-time job,
my wife finally reached her breaking point,....
"Sweetie," I consoled her, "you're a great mom, a great wife and
a great teacher.
You can't expect to be great at all three, all the time."
I was proud of how understanding I'd been, until she replied,
"Okay, I won't be a great wife."

.
~~ From Actual Court Records;
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body.
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.Attorney:
And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why
I was doing an autopsy on him!

.
~~ As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to
"make a difference" in the world.
It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable
achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to
take on challenges that would make many of us wither.
Phil is such a person.
"I've often been asked,
'What do you old folks do now that you're retired'?
Well, I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background,
and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch,
and margaritas into urine.
I'm pretty darn good at it, too."

.
.
Todays Thought: "An exaggeration is a truth that has lost its temper.".

Good Morning....friends and neighbours...

Everyone have a good weekend?....

.

You gotta watch out for this dude....knows Karate.....

.

It's Gus....thinks he's a super Chicken..........

.

Oh.....No......

.

Any lower and they will fall......How do you walk??

.

He thought that last picture was weird.....

.

Yep....thats right......

.

Coke party??....

.

Blowing tea pots contest......... Why?

.

Not mine....you keep him.........

.

♥♥♥

~~ I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer

spectators. - Gerald Ford -

.

~~ Our son asked, if he could borrow some money to buy a car.

Gus explained that borrowing money is a bad habit.

"Son, I got my first motorcycle when I was 18, and with my

own money!

I got my first car at 23, and with my own money!

And I got my second car when I got married,

and with my own money!"

At this point the son interjected excitedly,

"So there's no problem...

this car would be with your own money as well!"

.

~~ While filling up at a gas station,

I accidentally spilled gasoline on my shirt.

When I went inside to pay, I noticed a woman crinkling her nose.

Embarrassed, I tried to put her mind at ease.

"If you smell gas," I said, "it's me."

.

~~ QUESTION: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that

sometimes she's borderline irrational.

ANSWER: So what's your question?

.

~~ Did you hear about the long-distance runner who took part

in a 100-mile race?

Well, he was in the lead and had one more mile to go, but he was

too tired to finish, so he turned around and ran back.

.

~~~ Turtles are helping science.

Not long ago, the heart of a turtle was put into a man.

The man walked out of that hospital one week later, and six weeks

later he reached his car!

.

~~~ Bobbie a friend of mine, told me about her weekend spent

babysitting her grandkids.

Her grandson wanted desperately to show her how well he dived

off the "big" diving board at the pool.

So she watched as he courageously climbed up the ladder, got into

position and jumped off, only to do a lopsided bellyflop.

She cringed and went to console him.

"That sure looked like it hurt!" she told him..... "Are you okay?"

"Grandma," he replied, "it hurt so bad that I think it broke a bone in my

heart!"

.

~~~ (March 1989, South Carolina) Michael Anderson Godwin was

a lucky murderer whose death sentence had been commuted to

life in prison.

Ironically, he was sitting on the metal toilet in his cell and attempting

to fix the TV set when he bit down on a live wire and electrocuted

himself.

.

~~ A lady went to see a tarot reader,

TAROT READER: Lady, I'm sorry to inform you that

your husband will die in the near future.

LADY: Don't tell me things that I already know,

tell me if there would be an investigation!!

.

~~ Professor Gonnen Dunnit of the physics department,

has spent a lifetime pursuing the as-of-yet unreachable goal

of creating cold fusion in the lab.

In his latest effort, he used molecules from corn to

trigger the process on the atomic level.

During one attempt, it seemed that Professor Dunnit actually

achieved his goal - the process resulted in a spherical burst

of energy.

The professor wrote it up and submitted it, but no other

scientist could duplicate his results.

The Nobel Prize committee considered his results but

dismissed Professor Dunnit's efforts, saying he had only

created a ball of corn fusion.

.

~~ After meeting with the boss, the head salesperson mustered the

troops.

"People," she said, "I've just been informed that we're going to be

having a fire sale."

"A fire sale?" spoke up one agent...... "But we sell insurance."

"I said a fire sale, and I meant it, she replied hotly.

"Anyone who doesn't make a sale gets fired."

.

~~ My friend and I were discussing our mutual weight problem

one evening, when I challenged her to a contest.

If I lost the most weight in the next month,

I wouldn't have to pay the $25 that I owed her.

If she lost the most weight, I would have to pay up.

Anything for an incentive!

"All right," said Bobbie happily.

"But let's wait two weeks before we start.

There are some things I have to eat first."

.

~~ A man goes to the doctor complaining about

stomach problems.

The doctor asks him what he's been eating.

"I only eat pool balls," he says.

"Red ones for breakfast, yellow and orange ones for lunch,

blue for afternoon snacks, and purple and black for dinner."

"I see the problem," says the doctor.

"You're not getting enough greens."

.

~~ GREETING CARDS: When you care enough to send the

very best but not enough to actually write something.

.

.

Todays Thought: "People never lie so much as after a hunt,

during a war or before an election."

.

Good Morning....friends........

In a hurry this morning....

.

Good place.........

.
Not a good person....

.

Momma sez: Keep it clean..

.
Don't give him your hand...he'll pull you in......

.

This lamp post is an ad for McDonalds in Vancouver...

.

Devil's Flower Mantis...

.

Fight....fight.....

.

Excuse me....I gotta..................

.

♥♥♥

~~ I got this new deodorant and the instructions said:

"Remove cap and push up bottom."

I can barely walk . . . but when I fart, it does smell pretty good.

.

~~ Taz the nurse said: Last Valentine's Day, I arrived at the

doctor's office where I work to find a mystery man pacing up

and down holding a package.

As I got out of the car, he declared warmly,

"I have something for you."

I excitedly ripped open the bundle.

It was a urine sample.

.

~~ There was a gentleman in the hospital bed next to me.

He was covered with bandages from head to toe.

I said to him, "What do you do for a living?"

He said, "Well, I used to be a window washer."

I asked, "When did you give it up?"

He replied, "Halfway down."

.

~~ An amateur pilot wannabe, I knew I'd finally made progress

with my flight training the day my instructor turned to me and said,

"You know, you're not as much fun since you stopped screaming."

.

~~ Sherry, After giving birth, she couldn't lose the 40 pounds

she'd gained.

So she dragged her husband to the mall in search of more

flattering clothes.

They were encouraged by a sign over a rack of suits:

"Instantly hides ten pounds!"

"Look," he said...... "You just need to buy four of these."

.

~~ Waiting my turn to enter a rotary intersection, I noticed a

guy drive around twice, then leave by the same road he'd entered.

His vanity license plate read "GENIUS."

.

~~ I walked into the lobby of my apartment building recently

and was greeted by this notice:

"To whoever is watering these plants, please stop.

They are the property of the building, and our maintenance

staff will take care of them.

They may have already been watered, in which case you will

be overwatering them.

Besides, these plants are fake."

.

~~ British novelist C.S. Lewis (1898-1963), returning home

from a walking tour, had just boarded the first class

compartment of his train.

An old lady, startled at seeing Lewis' unkempt appearance

asked him, "Have you a first-class ticket?"

"Yes, madam," he replied, "but I'm afraid I'll be needing

it for myself."

.

~~ While working as an airline customer-service agent,

I got a call from a woman who wanted to know if she could

take her dog on board.

I told her the dog was welcome, as long as she paid a

$50 charge and provided her own kennel.

I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough

for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around and roll over.

"I'll never be able to teach him all that by tomorrow!"

the customer complained.

.

~~ Two male flies are buzzing around looking for good-looking

females.

One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of cow dung and dives

down toward her.

"Pardon me," he asks, turning on his best charm, "...

but is this stool taken?"

.

~~ A jeweller called the police station to report a robbery.

"You'll never believe what happened, Sergeant.

A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened,

and an elephant came out.

He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in,

sucked up all the jewellery, and climbed back into the truck.

The doors closed and the truck pulled away."

The desk sergeant said, "Can you tell me, for identification

purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an

African elephant?"

"What's the difference?" asked the jeweller.

"Well," said the sergeant, "an African elephant has great big

ears and an Indian elephant has little ears."

"Come to think of it, I couldn't see his ears," said the jeweller.

"He had a stocking over his head."

.

~~ "Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods.

Cats have never forgotten this."

.

~~ My youngest child was thrilled when her turn came to enter

kindergarten.

To make sure we had plenty of time to eat breakfast and get

ready on the first day, I woke everybody up early,

so early that it was still dark.

I was getting dressed when my little daughter came into my

room looking troubled.

"What's wrong? I asked, mustering as much cheerfulness as

I could at that hour....... "This is your big day!"

She blurted, "You didn't tell me I was going to night school."

.

.

Todays Thought: There is no indigestion worse than trying to eat your own words.

.

Good Morning Everyone.....Going to have a nice weekend?

.

A little old time salvation is what we need.....

.

Bath time?

.
Yep...their chilling out...........

.

"Witchy", want to rent one of these? .........

.

Dog sleeping in the cats bed,...so the cats sleep on him....

.

I tried this once while working on a hot summer.......

rather keep my hair..... (what I got of it)

.

They been into "Summers", screech.......

.

Must spend alot of time back there.....?

.

Watch this thing....it bites.......could hurt, you know......

.

Arkansas bar-b-que......? Right Pete.........

.

I never heard these guys... wonder why I don't wanna now?

.

♥♥♥

~~ The ship sank....... He was the lone survivor.

He swam towards a distant beach.

When he arrived there, he crawled up on the shore to rest

and count his blessings; that's when he saw the first one,

a pecan pie.

He then saw a banana split, a cup of vanilla

gelatin, chocolate chip cookies, caramel apples and yellow cake.

Suddenly he realized he was on a desserted island.

.

~~ "I'm sorry, Gus," said the doctor,

"there's simply nothing I can do for you.....

Your condition is hereditary."

"Oh," replied Gus, "in that case just send the bill to my parents."

.

~~ Q: What's a practical nurse?

A: A nurse who marries a wealthy, terminally ill patient.

.

~~ COACH of the R-ville Devils.....

We have a great team this year.

So far we have had no losses, no draws and no goals

scored against us.

REPORTER: How many games have you played?

COACH: The first one is next Sunday.

.

~~ Why do so many go from air-conditioned houses,

offices, and cars to health clubs to sweat?

.

~~ My husband retired, and for the first time in over 40 years

I had to think about preparing midday meals.

Tired of it after several months, I said,

"I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch."

"Fair enough. From now on I'll make my own," he replied.

A few weeks later he had to go downtown on business and

invited me to join him afterwards.

"We could have lunch at that Chinese place we both like,"

he suggested.

I happily agreed.

At the restaurant the next day we were seated, and the waiter

came to take our order.

My husband looked up, a twinkle in his eyes and said,

"Separate checks, please..."

.

~~ Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory

banks of our children.....

.

~~ It was the beginning of term at a primary school in Brooklyn.

The teacher asked the children their names one at a time,

and for each to spell their name out loud.

When she came to a young Pakistani boy and asked his name,

he replied, "Ravashanka Vankatarataam Bannerjee."

"How do you spell that?" asked the teacher.

"My mother helps me," said the little boy.

.

~~ QUESTION: Who is more satisfied, a man with a million

dollars, or a man with six children?

ANSWER: The man with six children.

The man with a million dollars wants more.

.

~~ During a magazine and newspaper subscription drive,

our son Philip, a paperboy, learned about good salesmanship.

His supervisor had instructed the kids to maintain a positive

attitude, even when turned down.

One potential customer told Philip,

"I've got papers and magazines strewn all over the place - -

I don't need any more."

Philip's reply?...... "Well, how about a subscription to

'Good Housekeeping'?"

.

~~ One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was

attending a defensive-driving course to have points erased

from his license.

The instructor, a police officer, emphasized that being on time

was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked

when each session began.

Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked

door.

The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?"

The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket."

The officer let him in.

.

~~ "According to a new survey of all the social-networking sites,

Twitter had the highest percentage of older users.

In fairness, most of them just kept creating new accounts

because they forgot their passwords."

.

.

Todays Thought: An attitude is contagious..... Is yours worth catching?

.