Good Morning....Everyone......HOT>>>HOT>>>HOT
"Witchy" be careful.......
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Now this is a pretty Gypst vanner....

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I have nothing to say.....

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Ugly man......

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He wants a "Wopper".....

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Oh...Yahhhhhhhhhhhh

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Was he good??

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♥♥♥

~~~ Columbus traveled around the world at public expense and they called him an explorer. Today they would call him a congressman.

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~~~ Pat told me: After noticing how trim my husband had become, a friend asked me how I had persuaded him to diet.
It was then I shared my dark secret: "I put our teenage son's shorts in his underwear drawer."

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~~~ My sky-diver husband and the pilot of his plane were driving to a jump zone when they were pulled over by a police officer for speeding.
The officer approached the car and jokingly asked for a pilot's license and flight plan.
These were promptly passed over to him.
His face expressed amazement, then amusement.
"I always knew one day I'd get caught with that line," and he let them go with a warning.

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~~~ After struggling unsuccessfully in a Tokyo restaurant with a Japanese-only menu and a waiter who spoke only Japanese, I turned for help to a young woman seated at a nearby table. She was eating what appeared to be a club sandwich.
Pointing to her plate, I politely inquired, "Do you mind telling me what you call that?"
She looked at me blankly for a moment, then replied in perfect English, "I call it a sandwich."

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~~~ You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

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~~~ While on a trip in India, my sister and I dined in an exquisite restaurant in Bangalore.
I decided to try the smorgasbord, which was beautifully displayed and loaded with a multitude of unknown delicacies.
I was savouring the last morsel when the waiter asked if I had enjoyed the meal.
I told him I had, adding, however, that the yellow-green slices of a squash-like vegetable had not been to my taste.
With great respect the waiter replied, "Madam, you ate the decorations."

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~~~ The final step before my mother earned her private pilot's licence was her first solo cross-country flight in a Cessna 150.
Just before leaving for the airport, she received a call from my grandmother.
"Now you be careful," Grandma admonished.
"And for heaven's sake, make sure you fly low and slow."

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~~~ We would sometimes have trouble with skunks getting under our house.
One morning we awoke with the smell of a skunk.
I was a sophomore in college.
This was the day for ROTC drill and I had to wear my ROTC uniform to school.
I took the uniform out of the closet, put it on and left for school.
I went to my first class and was sitting in the middle of about a hundred students. All of a sudden, I could smell a skunk in the science classroom.
For some reason, everyone was looking at me.
I then realized that my ROTC uniform had a strong skunk smell and I got out of that room as fast as I could. I went to the college dean to get an excused absence.
He was usually difficult to deal with.
But, when he got a whift of me, I had no problem getting an excused absence for the rest of the day.

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~~~ My mother, a master of guilt trips, showed me a photo of herself waiting by a phone that never rings.
"Mom, I call all the time," I said.
"If you had an answering machine, you'd know."
Soon after, my brother installed one for her.
"When I called the next time, I got her machine: If you are a salesperson, press one. "If you're a friend, press two. If you're my daughter who never calls, press 911 because the shock will probably give me a heart attack."

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~~~ Having passed the enlistment physical, Robert was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, Sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, Sir."

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~~~ On his 91st birthday, Milton Berle (1908-2002) was honored at the Friars Club, the famed fraternity for comedians and ribald humor.
At the end of the evening, Berle, the club's abbot emeritus (with roots going back to the original Friars Club in New York), approached the dais to address the gathering: "I'll be brief," he declared.
"And if you believe that, you believe there'll be a Richard Simmons, Jr!"

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~~~ A most frustrated fellow was the man who bought a new boomerang and had a terrible time throwing the old one away.

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~~~ Robbie, my nine-year-old grandson, recently asked his mother, "Mom, what is puberty?"
She gently explained that puberty occurs when children's bodies begin to change.
"Boys," she said, "Grow taller and develop muscles.
Their voices change and deepen, and they start to grow hair such as facial hair."
After her lengthy explanation, she asked, "Do you understand, Robbie?"
"Yes" he replied...... "I just hope it happens on a Saturday, when I'm not in school."

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~~~ When potatoes were first introduced to Europe, people were skeptical and only ate the leaves, which made them sick.
They would then throw away the rest, including the actual spud.

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Todays thought: My mind works like lightning...... One brilliant flash and it is gone.
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☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺

Good Morning...Friends! My friends in Florida are hot!

Their having some really hot weather......

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Some of my flowers.......

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Bee's are busy.....

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And this is a cutie.......

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Water spout.......Pretty but dangerous.......

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He's keeping cool......

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Look out for for the claws.......

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I have nothing to say....

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Mister Ugley.......(I got him beat)

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♥♥♥

~~~ Judging by the time they picked up their morning newspaper, my newly retired neighbours were getting up later and later.
One morning I was outside when my neighbour slipped out to pick up his paper.
"Sloth is one of the seven deadly sins, you know," I teased him.
He replied, "So is envy."

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~~~ While I was in college a friend rented a house just off campus.
The owner was a bit of an a**hole and refused to do most repairs so Pete did them himself. After the place was fixed up a little the owner contacted Pete and told him that he had decided to sell the place and Pete had 30 days to get out.
Pete asked if he could paint the place (he was a part-time house painter as well as a student) in lieu of the last months rent.
The owner agreed so Pete and a couple of his brothers did a great job.
Except, they painted the entire house black.
Everything, including inside the closets, all of the wall switches and outlet cover plates, the windowframes, the entire basement, even the fireplace. No, he didn't get his security deposit back.
I don't understand why....

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~~~ A brothel in Britain was raided in Yorkshire and was found to be full of illegal immigrants where the average age of the 'workers' was 73.
Police labeled it 'A den of antiquity'

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~~~ Visiting a restaurant, Bobbie and I decided to order steak.
As the waitress put our plates on the table we noticed the strange way she was holding them.
"You've got your thumbs on our steaks!" complained Bobbie.
"Well, you don't want me to drop them again, do you?" the waitress replied.

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~~~ When my oldest son was four, I decided to give him a little culture and take him and his three year old sister to the library for the first time.
This was a last minute thought, before going grocery shopping, and we didn't get into town often. As we were nearing the library, I sprung this thought, and asked them "How about we go into the library?"
After a few second I heard my little son sobbing in the back seat.
"What's the matter Joe?" I asked curiously.
"I promise mama I wont do it again" he sobbed.
"Do what?".....I was really curious now.
"Please, please don't take me there. I won't tell no more lies", he was now wailing at me.
I chuckled just a little to myself and then explained that libraries were NOT a place people took LIARS.

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~~~ A political candidate stood on a platform and announced to the assembled crowd that he was going to fight radicalism, socialism, communism, and anarchism.
One old man snorted and said, "I'll vote for you when you can do something about rheumatism."

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~~~ It was four in the morning when Mr. Dartle's phone rang.
The voice at the other end was pleasant and sweet.
"I'm Mrs. Weber, and I would like to tell you that the refrigerator I bought in your store works like a charm.
"Mr. Dartle said, "Thank you.
But why call me about it at four in the morning?"
Mrs. Weber said, "Because they just delivered it!"

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~~~ During the Depression my aunt Angelina was a young bride.
She was fond of telling her family about all the luxuries that we take for granted and how she had to do without, often telling us that on her bridal bed she had to use sugar bags for bedsheets. When her granddaughter, Marie, was getting married, Angelina offered to buy her a set of designer bedsheets. "Grandma," Marie replied. "Just promise me they won't say "Sweet, refined and granulated."

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~~~ During one of the English classes, the teacher decided to give us as homework the use of common phrases and clichés.
We had to demonstrate their meanings by using them in sentences.
Now, this is a good exercise for ten year olds, but we were to graduate the following semester. So I decided to have some fun.
I wrote down some really funny sentences.
The next day, we had to read out loud what we had written.
One of the phrases was “ to call a spade a spade” and my homework read: “ Farmer Brown always called a spade a spade until one day, he tripped over it.”
The whole class laughed, and we never had such assignments again.

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~~~ A woman took her dog to the parlor for a haircut and asked what it would cost.
Being told that it would be fifty dollars, she was outraged.
"I only pay thirty for my own haircut," she said.
The groomer said, "That may be true, but then you don't bite!"

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Todays Thought: Enjoy yourself.
These are the good old days you're going to miss in the future.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~☺~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good Morning.... Friends...well we finally are going to get some great
weather......
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Isn't this a beautiful beast......
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Taz, and Carol....Ha-ha.....I'll get ragged for that......

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Future Man.....ha-ha.....

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Yea! right!.... I'll get "Milo" to take care of my Lite work.....

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Where did he go???

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You better be scared...."Milo's" on his way.......

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Kissing a cow??

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Pretty Picture.........

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♥♥♥

~~~ Bobbie: Where are you taking that skunk?

Gus: To the gym.

Bobbie: What about the smell?

Gus: Oh, he'll get used to it.

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~~~ I'm paranoid about everything.

On my stationary bike I have a rearview mirror.

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~~~ Pete: Lost you job as a caddy?

Gus: Yes, I could do the work all right, but I just couldn't learn not to laugh.

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~~~ DOCTOR: Sorry I made you wait so long.

PATIENT: I didn't mind the wait so much, but I did think you'd like to treat my illness in its early stages.

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~~~ My seven-year-old niece Julie was visiting our farm.

At milking time, I put Victoria the Goat on the milkstand and was preparing to milk her when Julie walked up behind her.

Now, Julie was an inquisitive sort, always asking her parents (and others) about things, and was in the stage of learning about bodies.

Julie stood there for a moment, contemplating the goat from the rear, and remarked, "My, what big testicles she has".

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~~~ Diplomacy is the art of saying something when you have nothing to say, or of saying nothing when you have something to say.

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~~~ A friend of mine was enjoying his new car's powerful sound system by driving along with the volume way up.

At a traffic light, he heard someone shout, "Hey do you mind?"

Stopped next to him was a young man in an open convertible.

He pointed to an object in his hand and said, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

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~~~ Most of my boarding school students are more computer literate than I.

So I was surprised to find one sophomore writing a term paper on an electric typewriter.

In a reminiscent mood I said, "When I was in school my typewriter wasn't even electric."

She looked at me in shock and asked,.... "Do you mean it was battery- operated?"

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~~~ There was once an elderly, despondent woman in a nursing home.

She wouldn't speak to anyone or request anything.

She merely existed - rocking in her creaky old rocking chair.

The old woman didn't have many visitors.

But every couple mornings, a concerned and wise young nurse would go into her room.

She didn't try to speak or ask questions of the old lady.

She simply pulled up another rocking chair beside the old woman and rocked with her.

Weeks or months later, the old woman finally spoke.

'Thank you,' she said...... 'Thank you for rocking with me.'"

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~~~ In ancient China, doctors could receive fees only if their patient was cured.

If the patient deteriorated, they would have to pay the patient.

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~~~ A prince had a curse put on him when he was a little boy.

He could only speak two words every year.

But, if he didn't speak for a whole year, he would then be able to speak 4 words the next year and so on.

One day he met a princess named Josie and he wanted to say: "My Princess".

The next year he saw her he wanted to say: "My princess, i love you".

The third year he saw her he wanted to say :"My princess I love you, will you marry me?"

But, the young prince, now growing older knew he would have to wait a couple more years.

So, on the fifth year, excited to finally present his question, he visited the princess.

He approached her respectfully and asked, "JOSIE, MY PRINCESS, I LOVE YOU.

WILL YOU MARRY ME?"

And the princess said,....... "Pardon?"

.

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Did You know: Andrew Jackson's wife, Rachel,was the only first lady who smoked a pipe.

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<><><><><><><><><>♣<><><><><><><><>

Good Morning......Happy Fathers Day to all the fathers out there.....
A special thanks to our Father Solders who aren't home.....
Semper Fi....Dad!
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Yes.....to his old man too........
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A nice bundle of joy......

This one needs ice water.......

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What can you say.......

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They see eye to eye...........

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What is this thing??................................

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I wonder?? leaves?

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Truer words were never spoke......................

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♥♥♥

~~~ "Daddy, before you married Mommy, who told you how to drive?"

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~~~ My wife asked me if we could trade gender roles for a week, so she could sit around all the time and watch TV.
I agreed, and then immediately started nagging her about how she watches too much TV.

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~~~ "Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture."

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~~~ After his return from Rome, Pete couldn't find his luggage in the London Gatwick airport baggage area.
So he went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that his bags hadn't shown up on the carousel.
She smiled and told him not to worry because they were trained professionals and he was in good hands.
"Now", she asked Pete, "has your plane arrived yet?"

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~~~ Life is unfair.
Take shaving......
How is it that we never get bald on the face?

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~~~ Two farmers were driving their tractor down the middle of a country road.
A car comes around the corner brakes hard to avoid them, skids, tumbles twice and lands in a field.
Jimmy say to Mike, "It's just as well we got out of that field."

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~~~ think NASCAR would be much more exciting if, like in a skating rink,every 15 minutes someone announced it was time to reverse direction.

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~~~ My American literature class required a lot of reading in very little time.
One day, my friend Steve came to class unprepared.
"Quick," he said, poking the girl in front of him, "tell me something about The Grapes of Wrath." "Okay," she replied...... "I read it, and you didn't."

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~~~ The young male race horse came from a long line of winners, and did wonderfully in workouts.
However, in actual races he proved a little too romantic, and could never quite bring himself to pass a mare.
So one day the trainer went to him and told him he'd have to be castrated.
The young horse, knowing that it was either this or the glue factory, took it philosophically.
After all, having the operation was almost a certain guarantee of a long and illustrious racing career.
After a short recovery period, the horse was again run in workouts, and found to do as well as ever.
But the first time he actually ran in a race, he only went about ten paces, before getting a dejected look on his face, turning around, and ambling back to the starting gates.
"What's the matter?" asked the trainer, "you were doing great!"
"Yeah, well how would you feel" replied the horse, "if five thousand people took one look at you and shouted 'they're off!'?"
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Todays Thought: Eagles fly alone, but sheep flock together.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good Morning.... Early today.....gotta go out for a wee bit.....
So hang inthere "Bubba"...
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Good place to have coffee in the morning....
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Sad lookin....wants breakfast....

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She just wants to sleep....

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New "Mom"???

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I don't know about this guy....

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Lookin cute.......

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Now here is cuteness......right?

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Just you wait until I get loose!!!

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♥♥♥

~~~ My friend Pete sez: I can't lose weight.
I go jogging......
I gain weight......
I keep running into restaurants........

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~~~ The sermon was endless.
Getting to another point, the minister said, "What else can I say?"
A member of the congregation yelled out,..... "Amen!"

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~~~ Perhaps one reason budgets often don't work is that most of us only work five days a week but we spend money on all seven.....

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~~~ According to a new scientific theory, lifting weights kills germs.
The only problem is getting the germs to lift weights.

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~~~ A little girl from the city, seeing a horse being shod, rushed to her mother.
"Mother," she cried, "there's a man out there building a horse.
I just saw him nailing on the feet!"

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~~~ In my early driving days, I had the bad habit of running out of gas frequently.
Once, I was stranded at the mall and called my father for help.
When he arrived, I was under the hood, poking around.
"I think there's something preventing the gas from reaching the carburetor," I said.
"Yeah," he shot back...... "A five- dollar bill."

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~~~ British physicist William Thomson Kelvin (1824-1907) worked out an improved method for measuring the depth of the sea, using piano wire and a narrow-bore glass tube, stoppered at the upper end.
experimenting with this invention, he was interrupted one day by his colleague James Prescott Joule.
Looking with astonishment at the lengths of piano wire, Joule asked him what he was doing, "Sounding," said Kelvin.
"What note?" asked Joule.
"The deep C," returned Kelvin.

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~~~ A few years ago, I opened the invitation to my cousin's 100th birthday party.
On the front in bold letters, it screamed, "If he's heard it once, he's heard it a hundred times. Happy Birthday, Harold!"

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~~~ While my third-grade class was completing a writing exercise, one of the students asked me how to spell "piranha."
I told him I was unsure.
To my delight, he went to the dictionary to solve his problem.
That's when I overheard another pupil say to him,"Why bother to look it up?.... She doesn't know how to spell it anyway."

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Todays Thought: The safest way to cross life's streets is to hold hands.
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>(☺)<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Good Morning....friends.... a very hot day....
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pretty picture.....
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I have no idea...what this is?????
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Mean looking kid......

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Wanna play ball??

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Or...like this guy, play in peanut butter?

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Swimming with Lions?...not me.....not this "Super Chicken."

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Got enough??

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My Bud......Eno....

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♥♥♥

~~~ After working for months to get in shape, my 42-year-old husband and I hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
At the end of two gruelling days, we made it back to the canyon's rim.
To celebrate, we each bought an "I hiked the canyon" T-shirt.
About a month later, while my husband was wearing his shirt, a young man approached him. "Did you really hike the canyon?" he asked.
My husband beamed with pride and answered, "Sure did!"
" No kidding!" the fellow said........ "What year?"

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~~~ Liz said....I was halfway through a meeting with a photocopy salesman, when he suddenly mentioned his wife and children, and how contented he was.
I was puzzled, but let him continue.
It was only when I glanced down that I understood his reason for imparting this personal information: The table leg against which I had been rubbing my itchy foot wasn't a table leg at all!

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~~~ On tour with the Boston Celtics, coach Arnold Auerbach (1917- 2006) met three of his players, each with an attractive young woman on his arm, in the hotel lobby at five o'clock in the morning.
One of the players covered his embarrassment by introducing the young woman as his "cousin." Auerbach nodded politely.
The player, desperately trying to make the unlikely tale sound more convincing, continued, "We were just on our way to church."
Auerbach, relating this story on a later occasion, remarked, "I couldn't take that.
I fined him twenty-five dollars for insulting my intelligence."

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~~~ Most of my boarding school students are more computer literate than I.
So I was surprised to find one sophomore writing a term paper on an electric typewriter.
In a reminiscent mood I said, "When I was in school my typewriter wasn't even electric."
She looked at me in shock and asked,.... "Do you mean it was battery- operated?"

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~~~ When a son said that his ambition was to drive an army tank his father said 'I won't stand in your way'.

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~~~ During the summer, my daughter Theresa's air conditioning broke down, and the company that installed it was closed for vacation.
She sweltered in the heat for two weeks.
One day while preparing dinner, the fridge door was open and Holly, her miniature shih tzu, saw her chance.
Just as Theresa was about to close the door, she saw Holly sitting inside the fridge between the lettuce and the eggs.

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~~~ The Gallup poll conducted before the presidential election of 1948 wrongly predicted a win for Thomas E. Dewey.
Shortly after the announcement of Harry Truman's victory, George Gallup (1901- 1984) was stopped by a policeman for driving down a one-way street in the wrong direction.
On reading the name on Gallup's driving license, the policeman grinned broadly and exclaimed, "Wrong again!"

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~~~ I work as a cashier at a grocery store that was celebrating its grand re-opening.
To draw customers, we were mailing out coupons for various free items, such as eggs, soda, chips, etc.
The coupon for the chips was very specific: it had to be a 13 1/4 bag of Lays Potato Chips.
One lady was a bit confused.
Upon handing me her bag of chips and the corresponding coupon, she said, "The coupon says thirteen and one fourth, but I guess this is close enough, right?"
I checked.
The net weight of the bag was given as 13.25 ounces.
I looked up, certain she was joking.....She wasn't.

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~~~ I used to work in an art supply store.
We sold artists' canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches.Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?
"Me: "Certainly, what width?"
Customer: (confused and slightly annoyed) "Scissors?"
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Todays Thought: Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.....
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()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()<(º¿º)>()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Good Morning.....friends..
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Weird looking toad......
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You ready to play yet ??

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I hate you..........

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I would not ride in this car....too weird.....

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Boy....that's a no, no......

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Oh, My....thats gotta get someone a big BO-BO!

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Cool................................

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Wow.....Try this "Taz".....

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♥♥♥

~~~ I'd offered to drive my mother-in-law to the doctor's.
But when I arrived at her house, I found her gossiping away with a neighbor.
"Mom, we've got to go," I interjected, but she couldn't hear me over the chatter.
"Mom!" I repeated as I pulled her away."
Sorry, but I didn't know what to do," she said, getting into the car, "That woman wouldn't stop listening to me."

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~~~ gardening and laughing are two of the best things in life you can do to promote good health and a sense of well being.

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~~~ For our Sunday school pizza party, I had told the children they could bring a friend. Just before serving, one of the mothers asked if anyone had any allergies.
A little hand went up and, in a worried voice, five-year-old Shane said, "You're not going to try to feed me penicillin, are you?"

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~~~ Marlene said: I was reminded of my younger days when I came across my charm bracelet one morning.
I decided to wear it to school, thinking it would do the same for some of my colleagues.
However, the bracelet fascinated my students.
One of my fifth grade students watched the shiny, jingling items on my wrist for a few minutes, then put his hand up and asked, "Are you on a major medical alert?"

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~~~ The richest person in the world is not the one who still has the first dollar they ever earned. It's the person who still has their first friend."

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~~~ A little girl from the city, seeing a horse being shod, rushed to her mother."Mother," she cried, "there's a man out there building a horse.
I just saw him nailing on the feet!"

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~~~ Joseph Hyrtl (1810-1894), Austrian anatomist, professor of medicine at the University of Vienna, once examined a particularly nervous candidate for a medical degree:
"What can you tell me about the function of the spleen?" he began.
"Herr Professor," the candidate stammered, wiping his brow. "
I did know exactly what it was...I knew it just a moment ago, but I've now forgotten."
"Miserable creature!" Hyrtl cried.
"You're the only man in the world who knows anything about the function of the spleen...and now you've forgotten it!"

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~~~ Seeking sponsorship for an expedition, famed Arctic explorer Ernest Shackleton (1874-1922) once asked Prime Minister David Lloyd George (1863-1945) for fund-raising advice. Honored by the request, Lloyd George introduced him to a certain millionaire of his acquaintance.
Some time later, Lloyd George asked Shackleton how the meeting had gone.
"Very well indeed," the explorer replied, "your friend was most charming and considerate.
He offered me ten thousand pounds for my expenses, provided I would take you along with me to the Pole.
And he promised me one million pounds if I were to leave you there by mistake."

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~~~ A few years ago, I opened the invitation to my cousin's 100th birthday party.
On the front in bold letters, it screamed, "If he's heard it once, he's heard it a hundred times. Happy Birthday, Harold!"

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~~~ Approaching 40, my frugal husband yearned for a boat.
Frugality won out until the day he came across the obituary of an old high- school classmate, Ted.
Certain this was a sign that life was too short, my husband purchased a boat that weekend.
Days later, a former classmate called.
"Sure was a sad thing, wasn't it?" he said.
"You know, Ted's boating accident and all."

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~~~ Have you heard of the garlic diet?
You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner.
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Todays Thought: Failure is the opportunity to begin again, more intelligently.
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\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\(☺)/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\