Good Morning......Everyones ready for the weekend?
Some have to work,..right "Taz". Oh, well I hope all goes well.
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These cats are cute now, but later.........
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Now this is a cute guy........

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A shy one.......

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Train the bird to hunt....? I see them in the fields. hope they don't like cats.

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Free parking....??

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Who needs a wrecker ? when you got shopping carts.....

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A little cramped?

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♥♥♥

~~~ You know you're a real dad when you discover a kid's happy face sticker on the report you were handing over to the boss.

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~~~ My favorite spot at our local zoo is the House of Night, where nocturnal creatures crawl and fly about.

One very bright day, I stepped into the exhibit and was plunged into total darkness.

Almost immediately, a small hand grabbed mine."

And who do you belong to?" I asked.

His answer came swiftly: "I'm yours till the lights come on."

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~~~ A man goes to the doctor with a swollen leg. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.
"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.
The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience.

He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat.

He hobbles back into the examining room.
The doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water.

"Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that leg for at least 30 minutes."

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~~~ Door of a plastic surgeons office: "Hello, can we pick your nose?"

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~~~ A patient of was recovering from heart surgery and went to a classical-music concert. During the performance the man in front of her turned around and demanded, "Are you responsible for that infernal clicking noise?"
"It's my new artificial heart valve," she explained.
"Well, could you at least try to make it keep time with the orchestra?" he replied.

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~~~ My mother hadn't been feeling well, so I was worried when she didn't answer the phone.

I jumped into the car and raced over to her house, only to find her sitting in her living room calmly watching TV.
"Why didn't you answer the telephone?" I asked.

"I was worried."

"Sorry dear. I heard it ringing, but I thought it was on the television."
"Oh," I said, relieved. "What were you watching?"

"Spartacus."......

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~~~ One day at the office of the orthopedic specialist I work for, we had to make arrangements for an elderly patient with spinal arthritis to have a special injection.

We said we would phone him with the information.
Two days later, the patient called us, concerned that he had missed our call because of his poor hearing.

"I can barely hear, barely see and barely walk," he told me.

Then he added cheerfully, "Things could be worse, though.......

At least I can still drive."

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Todays thought; Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

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Good TGIF day.....Are you ready for the weekend............................
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Now, if I was sitting on that dock with my "Honey", with my feet in
the water,, I would be in heaven.....
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Worlds longest ear hair....EAR HAIR...?? I don't quite know what to say....

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If looks could kill.....we would be dead.........

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Yah....well your next..........

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Cheap way to fly.....got any flites to Fla.?

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I have heard of a "Shot gun" wedding,...but this is over kill....

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Might as well do it up right...take all the in-laws out.......ha-ha...

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Had a goat...got up one morning, goat on car walking around....

no more goat........

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♥♥♥

~~~ Two Viking invaders are trudging up the beach in the pouring rain.

One looks skywards and says, "So this is England.

What's it like?"

The other snarls, "Well, if you like the weather, you'll love the food."

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~~~~ First cave man to 2nd cave man: "I don't care what you say.

We never had such unusual weather before they started using bows and arrows."

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~~~ There's a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days.

It's called Monday.

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~~~ MAN TRYING TO SELL A TREADMILL TO A WOMAN IN HIS STORE: "Due to the space-age materials used in making this model, this one collects less dust than other exercise equipment."

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~~~ The Titanic was sinking, and there weren't enough lifeboats.

So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters to make room for women and children.

To the British he said.

"You must act like gentlemen."

They jumped.

To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes."

They complied.

To the Germans he said, "It's the rule."

They obeyed.

To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus."

They obliged.

Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."

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~~~ Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the colour of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life."

Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why is the groom wearing black?"

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~~~ While planning one of her last birthday parties, Ethel Barrymore (1879-1959) was asked whether she wished to have a cake.

"Yes," she replied, "we'll have cake for everyone."

Next she was asked whether she wished to have any candles.

"No," she replied.

"This is a birthday party, not a torchlight procession."

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Todays thought;

Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.

- Jerry Garcia

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Good Morning.....
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Just laying around........
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Now....This chicken is fluffy...........
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A naked Chick....?

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This is a zonkey..........
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Spares.....??

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Wanna play.............................

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♥♥♥

~~~ Computers will never replace man entirely until they learn to laugh at the jokes that the boss makes.

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~~~ Happy birthday to Abraham Lincoln.

He would have been 200 years old .

I might be naive, but I like to think that somewhere up in heaven, he is proud that this country named a town car after him.

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~~~ Nurse: Your blood pressure is amazingly high.

Is your job very stressful?

Patient: Well, I work at a petting zoo.

Nurse: That seems easy enough.

Patient: I determine which animals are too vicious to be petted.

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~~~ Q: Who buys more chocolate, men or women?
A: Well, 75 percent of chocolate purchases are made by women all year long, but during the days before Valentine's Day, 75 percent of chocolate purchases are made by men.

Over $1-billion of chocolate is bought for Valentine's Day.

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~~~ minister was talking to a group of children about forgiveness.

He asked them, "What must happen before we can expect to be forgiven for doing wrong?"

The children seemed unsure about the answer, but one boy made a guess, saying.

"First we have to do something bad?"

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~~~ Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.

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~~~ Seeing my 11-year-old perusing a website filled with photos of Britney Spears, I commented, "She sure is pretty.

Which picture do you like best?"
"I don't know," he mumbled, embarrassed by his newfound interest in girls.

"I'm just reading about her."
I came closer and peered at the screen.

"Oh, really?" I said.

"So, when did you learn to read Spanish?"

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Todays thought; Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet.

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Good Morning.....Friends....Everybody doing Okay?
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Breakfast is being served.......
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Now...I bet he can eat a big breakfast..........

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Stay away from this place........

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No me.........

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Now he'll give you a lick.............

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Don.t eat here.....I don't need another one......

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Looks good.....But, ready to go to the hospital?

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Oh....Oh......

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♥♥♥

~~~ Two prisoners were sitting in their cell talking, one said to the other,

“You are getting out in a couple of weeks, are you going straight or back in Politics.

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~~~ NOT REALLY SARDINES: A can of sardines doesn't actually hold sardines, it holds herring.

The herring came to be called sardines because the process for canning them originated in Sardinia.

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~~~ WHAT A NAME: We all learn as youngsters to dispose of our garbage.

In England, kids are told to put their garbage in a "wagger pagger bagger," slang for waste bin.

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~~~ "I don't know all Ten Commandments.

The only ones I remember are 'settle down', 'act your age' and 'take that out of your mouth'."

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~~~ HUSBAND: Doctor, doctor, my wife thinks she's a parking meter!
DOCTOR: My goodness, let me see her right away.
HUSBAND: She can't come in until next Tuesday.

That's when the meter maid takes the money out of her mouth.

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~~~ An honest weatherman says, "Today's forecast is bright and sunny with an 80% chance that I'm wrong."

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~~~ For years my sister's husband tried unsuccessfully to persuade her to get a hearing aid. "How much do they cost?" she asked one day after he had pitched the idea to her again.
"They're usually about $3,000," he said.

"Okay, well, if you say something worth $3,000," she replied, "I'll get one."

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~~~ How do you make a golf ball float?
Take two scoops of ice cream, add root beer, then drop in the golf ball.

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Todays thought: ......Discover wildlife...have kids!

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<<<<(¯`*•.(¯`*•.oOOo ( ^ . ^ ) oOOo.•*´¯).•*´¯)>>>>

Good Morning.....Got a cold and feel like crap....today.
Need a good looking nurse...."Witchy?"
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Now....I would feel better if I had this......
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Careful following him.....not too close!

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He's shy........even for his birthday fish cake.....

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This is scary..........

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Don't play with your food.........

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Eno...the Man......

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Don't jiggle the book......................................

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♥♥♥

~~~ LITTLE BOY TO HIS MOTHER: "Why do I need to learn potty training?

Is it something I'll use later in life?

Will it help me get into a good college?

Do chicks dig guys who are potty trained?"

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~~~ When my printer's type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop, where a friendly man informed me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.

Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job myself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly.

"We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

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~~~ My friend, "DIGGER" told me........It was the first time I had experienced a patient death and I was dutifully attending to the details, which included making the arrangements with a funeral home I wasn't familiar with.

I called directory assistance and was promptly connected to someone who was clearly confused by my request for a body pick-up.

She quickly transferred me to her manager, who seemed equally perplexed.
By now I was more than a little annoyed, so I snapped, "What kind of business do you run there, anyway?"

To my horror, the voice on the phone responded politely, "Sir, we make hamburgers here." Directory assistance hadn't connected me to McDonald's Chapel of the Flowers.

It turned out, but to the famous fast food restaurant instead.

These days, whenever I have to call a funeral home, my amused coworkers remind me not to forget the fries.

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~~~ Teeing off on the 12th hole at a golf resort, we stopped to buy cold drinks from the young woman driving the beverage cart.

As my buddy reached for his wallet, he said to her, "You're in great shape.

You must work out a lot."
Flattered, she gave him a big smile and gushed, "Oh, thank you so much!"
The next day a different young woman was driving the cart.

"Watch this," I whispered.

I walked up to her and said, "Wow, you must work out a lot."
"Yeah," she replied.

"You should try it."

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~~~ I took my wife out to a restaurant last night.

As I was eating I accidently dropped my fork on the floor.

Kindly enough, a waiter replaced it with a nice new one.

I thought that was good and tested it again by dropping my napkin on the floor.

Surely enough the waiter came along and replaced it with a brand new one so I pushed my wife off her chair and waited.

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~~~ Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office.

Why? Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Hubby: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
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~~~ An attorney I know once drafted wills for an elderly husband and wife who had been somewhat apprehensive about discussing death.

When they arrived to sign the documents, he ushered the couple into his office.
"Now," he said to them, "which one of you wants to go first?"

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<<<<<(¯`*•.(¯`*•.oOOo ( ^ . ^ ) oOOo.•*´¯).•*´¯)>>>>>

Good Morning.....Everyone ready for a new week ?
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Checking out the bird feeders..........
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A cutie..............................................

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Just resting................................

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Heart attack Grill...............................Hungry?

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no thanks......I don't have a death wish...........................

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Another one just resting..........

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Cool.................................................................

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♥♥♥

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~~~ Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear, kept us in a continuous

stampede of patriotic fervor with the cry of grave national emergency.

Always there has been some terrible evil at home or some monstrous foreign power that was going to gobble us up if we did not blindly rally behind it by furnishing the exorbitant funds demanded.

Yet, in retrospect these disasters seem never to have happened, seem never to have been quite real."
- General Douglas MacArthur -

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~~~ Derek Hardy once a head golf pro at Snee Farm Country Club in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina, and Beth Daniel teaching pro, on why he charges $1,000 for a single lesson yet offers a series of 13 lessons for $140:
"If you expect a miracle, you should expect to pay for one."

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~~~ A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary.

So he decided to buy her a cell phone.

He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.

Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.
The next day Susie went shopping.

Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end.

"Hi Susie," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"

Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."!
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"

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~~~ A woman went to the bank to arrange for a loan.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," the guard told her, "but the loan arranger is out to lunch."
"That's okay," said the woman.

"Can I speak to Tonto?"

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~~~ Barbara: I had a watch stolen from under my nose last night.
Laura: That's a funny place to wear it.

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~~~ SHERIFF: How many shots did the outlaw fire at you?
DEPUTY: Two shots.

One when the bullet passed me and one when I passed the bullet.

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~~~ Fishin.... Pete tried several different kinds of bait without getting a single bite.

Finally, in disgust, he threw a handful of coins into the lake.
"Okay, wise guys?" he shouted to the fish.

"Go out and buy something you like!"

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~~~ When our son, Bobby, turned six, we decided it was high time for him to ditch the Winnie the Pooh underwear for something a bit more studly.
So I bought him some Incredible Hulk briefs.

When Bobby got home, he found the package lying on his bed.

“Finally!” he exulted. “Adult underwear!”

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Todays thought: Life is like an onion: You peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.

Good Morning......sorry I'm a little late....
Went out for breakfast.......
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Sorry about that.........
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Playing in the snow?

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Valentine calf....

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A pilot dog...? a little pile here...A little pile there....

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Never got off the ground.................But its big.....

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This is cool........................................

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1938 corsair.......Beautiful......

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♥♥♥

~~~ Teacher: Why are you late?

Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.

Teacher: That's nice.

Were you helping him look for it?

Student: No. I was standing on it.

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~~~ I love to read those advice columns in the newspaper.

I read one this morning.

It said, "What's the worst thing a wife can get on her twenty fifth wedding anniversary?"
"Morning Sickness."

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~~~ I watched an ant climb a blade of grass this morning.

When he reached the top, his weight bent the blade down to the ground.

Then, twisting his thorax with insectile precision, he grabbed hold of the next blade.

In this manner, he traveled across the lawn, covering as much distance vertically as he did horizontally, which amused and delighted me.
And then, all at once, I had what is sometimes called an "epiphany", a moment of heightened awareness in which everything becomes clear.

Yes, hunched over that ant on my hands and knees, I suddenly knew what I had to do...

Quit drinking before noon.

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~~~ To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her elderly grand-father got out.

The patrolman explained that the old gentleman had been lost in the city park and had asked for help.
"Why, Grandfather," my friend said, "you've been going there for 40 years.

How could you get lost?"

The old man smiled slyly.

"Wasn't exactly lost," he admitted.

"I just got tired of walking."

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~~~ Our neighbor loaned my us his old chain saw to trim some tree branches.

Unfortunately, the engine burned out while we was using it.

Not wanting to return a broken piece of equipment, we bought a new saw to replace it.

When I offered it to our neighbor, he thanked me but said, "Keep it. I'll borrow it when I need it."

I was turning away when his eyes lit up.

"Hey," he asked, "want to borrow my car?"

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Todays thought; Irish potatoes are always the ones with the smiling eyes..........

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...............(¯`*•.(¯`*•.oOOo ( ^ . ^ ) oOOo.•*´¯).•*´¯)...............