Good Morning....Every one..gonna be a good day.

.


A lotta trouble to kiss a cow.....

.

A pretty Lilly.......................................... .

Sumtum smells.............................................

.

.

Moose love.......

.

+

A few weeks after a young woman had been employed,

she was called into the Human Resources administrator's office.

"What is the meaning of this?" the personnel officer asked.

"When you applied for this job, you told us you had three years experience.

Now I have discovered this is the first position you've ever held."

"True", the young woman answered with a smile,

"in your advertisement you said you wanted a person with imagination."

+

I had given our daughter, who was 14 at the time, a drivers manual.

On the way to town one day, I was coaching her as I drove.

I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came

time to get her drivers permit.

"Oh, she said, "I already know everything in the book."

"You do?" I returned.

"Yep", she said, very smugly.

I thought, "OK, I'll give her a hard one.

"So I asked her, "How many feet does it take to stop the car

if you are driving 60 miles an hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?"
"One," she replied.

"What?" I asked. "One?!

"She repeated her answer and then because of the confused look on my face,

she added, "One Dad. You always told me never to use my left foot on the brakes,

only use my right one."

+

"You know you're getting fat when you sit in your bathtub and the water in the toilet rises."

+

Did you know that in writing reports,

proctologists only use colons,

OB/GYNs only use periods,

and neurologists only use commas.

+

One of the local television stations in South Louisiana aired an

interview with a woman from New Orleans .

The interviewer was a woman from a Boston affiliate.

She asked the New Orleans woman how such total and complete

devastation of the churches in the area had affected their lives.

Without hesitation, the woman replied,

'I don't know about all those other people,

but we haven't gone to Churches in years.

We gits all our chicken from Popeye's'.

The look on the interviewer's face was priceless.

Good Morning....I hope everyone has a good one....

.
.

One blue- one green happens quite often........

.

Getting it.......He's good.

.

When the weather turned violent and stormy on Tuesday evening,
Lori Mehmen, who lives in the small farming town of Orchard in northeastern Iowa,
looked out her front door and saw a funnel cloud bearing down —
and evidently had the presence of mind to grab her digital camera and capture
this shot before taking cover.



.

It's hot Mom.........

.

Nice beach of the coast of Wales....

But I bet the waters cold................

(:)

NASA has announced plans to send a probe to orbit the sun —

where it will be forced to withstand temperatures of 1,400 degrees Fahrenheit.

When he heard about it, President Bush said: “Why don’t they just go at night?”

(:)

Dean Martin was once asked by the legendary comic Marty Brill why he drank so much.

"I drink to forget," Martin replied.

"That's sad," said Brill.

"It could be a lot sadder," Martin declared.

"What could be sadder than drinking to forget?" Brill asked.

Martin's reply? "Forgetting to drink!"

(:)

"If you drink, don't drive," Martin once cautioned. "Don't even putt."

(:)

A man was walking through the grounds of UVA one morning when he noticed

a young blind woman struggling with her Guide- Dog.

The animal was resolutely pulling in one direction, she in another.

When he offered assistance, the woman replied,

"No thanks, this is a family argument.

The dog knows I'm supposed to go to a lecture right now...

but I want to miss it."

(:)

In his speech last night, John McCain said America must get off of fossil fuels.

That shows you what a maverick he is.

Here you have a fossil saying we must get off of fossil fuels.

(:)

I'm getting so absent minded that sometimes in the middle of a sentence I

Good Morning.....friends and neighbors

.



Need translation.....Taz??

Fox...playing it cool....until bird gets closer....then wam!

Shy.......

Cats like boxes......can play for hours......

~0~

A ten-year-old son waited for the doctor to apply stitches to his bleeding forehead,

Kevin complained, “It's all Chris's fault; he pushed me.”

I explained that it was just an accident and that he might just as well blame me for

letting him go over to his friend Chris's house, or Chris's grandmother for letting

them play in the tree house.

Kevin was thoughtful for a moment, then decided, “It's Daddy's fault, because he

married you.”

~0~

Bobbie saz;

I tried reading a book about natural fertilizers for your garden but it was full of crap.

I was going to buy a book on curing procrastination but I put it off until tomorrow....

or maybe the day after.

I tried to read a book on curing insomnia, but I kept falling asleep.

~0~

President Bush is traveling in Europe.

He’s now in Venice, Italy.

When he saw the street waterways, he said,

“Don’t worry — FEMA is on the way.”

~0~

John McCain just announced he wants to do a series of town hall meetings

where he meets with the public.

It’s all part of McCain’s “Speak up, I Can’t Hear You” tour.

~0~

And how was your day ?

Good Morning................

How about this Hail storm......................

From window.......................

You didn't save me any !!

I belive your stuck...........................

~0~

Gus was thrilled to hear that a new car wash was opening up in his neighborhood.

"How convenient," he said, "I can walk to it."

~0~

I had forgotten to buy a bottle of wine to take to a dinner party.

I called my neighbor to see if he could let me have one of his,

which I'd replace.

He wasn't home, but since we have each other's house keys,

I let myself in and chose an attractive bottle from his wine rack.

The host and guests praised my choice of wine,

and I managed to remove the label from the bottle before we left the party.

My local liquor store didn't have that particular wine, but they referred me to another,

more exclusive, store, which was delighted to sell me the replacement bottle...

for $98!

When I presented the bottle to my neighbor,

I thanked him and praised his fine taste in wine.

He proudly told me the bottle I had replaced contained homemade wine.

He had got the bottle from a recycling bin.

~0~

Back when I was working , I often grabbed lunch at a Chinese restaurant.

I'll never forget a bit of wisdom from a fortune cookie I received one day:

"In case of fire, keep calm, pay bill, then run!"

Good Morning.....Everybody...

I hope every one had a good weekend....
I feel better since Doc. Matthews has been advising me.


....................................................................................






Got any more ????????????

My What floppy ears.....................

If your going to buy water...get healthy Diet water..................

A couple babe's resting..............................

Yodie............................................

:)

HUMOR is my passion because:

* Humor is the best medicine to stay happy and healthy, but we all knew that already.

* Humor can help to reduce stress, and can aid in the healing process.

* Humor can help all of us to cope in the most depressing of situations and darkest of days.

* Research has shown that the punch line, can increase the bottom line.

* Humor can help to create a positive work place,

which can be excellent for creativity and idea development.

Humor and creativity jest seem to go together.

* The ability to laugh at ourselves, at all the crazy and silly things

we all say and do is healthy for our well-being.

* Humor can help bring people together, and that is important in the work place,

because teamwork is a top priority.

* Humor can help us all to cope with the aging process.

So, take plenty of vitamin H on a daily basis.

:)

There’s a salmonella outbreak;

they believe it’s linked to tomatoes.

You don’t realize how much you eat tomatoes until you can’t get them anymore.

Today I was forced to order a BLB, which is bacon, lettuce, and more bacon.

:)

If your wife doesn't feel well, gentlemen,

do what I do to speed her recovery...

offer to help with the housework.

If you don't think there's such a thing as a miracle recovery,

you ought to see my wife get well again every time I start to vacuum the windows.

:)

Support Your Candidate;

There are less than six months until the election,

an election that will decide the next President of the United States .

The person elected will be the president of all Americans,

not just the Democrats or the Republicans.

To show our solidarity as Americans,

let's all get together and show each other our support for the candidate of our choice.

It's time that we all came together, Democrats and Republicans alike.

If you support the policies and character of John McCain,

please drive with your headlights on during the day.

If you support Barack Obama,

please drive with your headlights off at night.

Good Morning...Happy Fathers day...

Yes,....I'ze can see youse.................................

Me got the toast....................................

My new pickup.....great mileage........................

We're off to the park, for a walk.......

Don't mess with MaMa................................................

~0~

"It looks like Barack Obama has won the nomination.

Hillary Clinton is about to drop out.

That means Bill Clinton is about to hear those three words he has been dreading:......

"Honey, I'm home!"

~0~

When President Bush heard gas was an average of $4 all over the country,

he said, “But how much is it in the city?”

~0~

You know your male cat has a crush on that new young female vet when:

You pull into the parking lot for an appointment and he asks if you have a TicTac.

He asks politely that you clip all of his nails before the appointment.

You catch him spraying your husband's Pheromone behind his ears and down below.

~o~

The teacher of a high school class in the fundamentals of economics led the discussion around to the population explosion.

"Certain levels of our society reproduce much more frequently than others," he pointed out.

"What people would you guess reproduce the most?"

One bright student answered, "Women."

~0~

A father decided to tell his young son the facts of life and was stumped

right away by the boy's first question: "How many are there?"

Good Morning......Every one...Even Missy

This is "Chappy".... rub his belly and he'll attack you......

Smells so good....Now I know why Hummers like them.....

A hitch hiker........

Never been there.......

How about these plumbers wrenches......

~0~

When children come in to the doctor’s office where my friend works,

it’s her job to weigh and measure them.

After several unsuccessful attempts to get one frightened three-year-old on the scale,

her mother said:

"Honey, Mommy has a scale at home.

Do like I do and stand on it."

Recognition dawned on the child’s face and she confidently stepped on the scale,

looked down and exclaimed, "Oh, CHIT!"

~0~

A man is celebrating his 100th birthday,

so the editor of the local newspaper sends a reporter over to do a feature story on the old timer.

The reporter begins by asking the old tried and true question,

"To what do you attribute your longevity?"

"Well, young lady," the gentleman says,

"I never smoked, never drank alcoholic beverages or over-ate,

and I got up every morning of my life at six o'clock."

"But, I had an uncle who did exactly the same,"

the reporter says, "and he only lived to be 80.

How do you account for that?"

"He didn't keep it up long enough," says the centenarian.

~0~

Nothing rattles my son-in-law,

especially when the Hunting shows are on TV.

One day we were watching a show,

when his wife shrieked from the kitchen,

"Mark, there's a horsefly in here!"

Not taking his eyes off the screen, he barked back,

"Give it some cough syrup."

~0~

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would

really have preferred.

~0~

For the first time ever, the national average price for a gallon of gas is over $4.

Which explains the new nickname for gas — 'Starbucks for your car.'

Good Morning...everyone, and dentists patients...

A cute Pup........

Forbidden love...........

Thats a mighty small leg to stand on.......

Friends.....

I'm watching you...

~0~

Anyone know the six most frightening words in the world ???

"The Dentist will see you now."

~0~

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to the hotel that when he arrived and sat down at the head table,

he suddenly realized that he had forgotten to get his false teeth.

Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth."

The man said, "No problem."

With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth.

"Try these," he said.

The speaker tried them.

"Too loose," he said.

The man then said, "I have another pair...try these."

The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."

The man was not taken back at all.

He then said, "I have one more pair...try them."

The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."

With that he ate his meal and gave his address.

After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man

who had helped him.

"I want to thank you for coming to my aid.

Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."

The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."

~0~

The secretary was visibly distraught one morning when she arrived at the office and explained

that her children's parrot had escaped from his cage and flown out an open window.

Of all the dangers the tame bird would face outdoors alone, she seemed most concerned about

what would happen if the bird started talking.

Confused, a friend asked what the parrot could say.

"Well," she explained, "he mostly says, 'Here, kitty, kitty.'

~0~

One afternoon during a game of baseball with a fourth grade class, we heard the

rumble of an approaching thunderstorm.

While gathering the children to return indoors, I overheard one boy reassure the rest:

"Don't worry, guys.

Lightning strikes the tallest thing in a field.

It'll hit Mr. Hey, not us."

~0~

"Scientists say they've found a new link between depression and obesity.

Not surprisingly it's a sausage link."

~0~

The talk is Hillary’s going to try to unite the party.

However, Bill Clinton said,

“The party’s usually over when she shows up.”

Good morning.....world. "Witchy" too

No..No..No!!!!

Yes..Yes..Yes...

"Taz" wrote: I can't respond To any emails today,Something has crashed

On my computer and the mouse is missing. . .

A nice morning to have coffee on the deck.....

High fives..............................

I'm keeping my mouth shut....

~0~

Loni, had surgery to correct misaligned bones in her right lower leg.

Four pins through the bone extended out both sides of her leg and were attached to an exterior set of curved metal rings that were bolted together.

Wearing a long skirt that concealed the gruesome-looking contraption, Loni left one day to meet family friends for a movie.

Our friend's 16- year-old daughter excitedly bared her newly pierced belly button and asked Loni what she thought of it.

Loni pulled up her skirt to expose the metal frame and replied, "Pierced belly buttons are for beginners!"

~0~

"Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else."

~0~

An e-mail from Greene county school principal:

"The Miss GHS Beauty Pageant has been moved to Friday night instead of Saturday because of the contestants involved in the hog show."

~0~

Pete came into his wife's room one day.

"If I were, say, disfigured, would you still love me," he asked her."

Darling, I'll always love you,"

she said calmly, filing her nails.

"Well, how about if I lost my job as vice president?"

Pete went on, if I weren't pulling in six figures any more.

Would you still love me then?"

The woman looked over at her husband's worried face.

"Pete, I'll always love you," she reassured him,

"but most of all, I'll really miss you."

~0~

Maturity is when you turn down the stereo.

Age is when you turn up the heat.

Good morning....Friends....and lovers..

Diane sent me some good pics...here's a couple....
Cute Huh.....

Maybe this one will cool ya off........

I have nothing to say.........

I'ze hate you................................

Friends?.................................

~0~

A boy was playing with his little brother and asked him whether he could fly like Superman.

"Sure you can," encouraged the older brother, "Just flap your arms really really hard."

So the little brother climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground just a few inches below.

Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and said, "What is going on here?!?"

The older brother looked at his mother innocently and said, "I was just teaching him not to believe everything someone tells him."

~0~

It was Pete's first camping experience and as soon as he had pitched his tent,

he went for a hike in the woods.

Fifteen minutes later he rushed back into camp, bruised, bleeding, and limping.

"What happened?" asked a fellow camper.

"I was chased by a black snake!" cried the frightened Pete.

The camper laughed and retorted, "A black snake isn't deadly."

"Listen," groaned Pete, "If he can make you jump off a fifty- foot cliff, he is!"

~0~

An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school.

"Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be ten years from now?"

"Well, let's see," replied the student. "It's Wednesday afternoon.

I guess I'll be on the golf course by now."

~0~

Now that Barack Obama is the Democratic nominee, Americans are going to have to choose between the 46-year-old Obama and the 71-year-old John McCain.

In other words, it's a choice between the Hillary defeater or the Wal-Mart greeter.