Good Morning....Peoples, and Sweet thing...................




Flying with the jet wing...

I thought this Ad was cute...................................

Why?

Cute kittens..............................

~0~

How It Works....

Once upon a time a man told a small village, "I will buy monkeys for $10 each."

Since there were many monkeys in the forest, the villagers caught them and sold them to the man.

As the supply of monkeys diminished, the villagers' efforts slowed, so the man offered them $20 each.

They renewed their efforts but the supply of monkeys diminished further, so he increased his price to $25.

Soon no one could even find a monkey in the forest.

The man increased his price to $50, but announced, "Since I must go to the city on business, I authorize my assistant to buy monkeys on my behalf."

As soon as his boss was gone, the assistant told the villagers, "My boss has collected lots of monkeys.

I'll sell them to you for $35 and then, when he returns, you can sell them to him for $50."

The villagers rounded up all the money they could and bought as many monkeys as possible.

Then they had monkeys everywhere...

... but they never saw the man or his assistant again.

And now you understand the workings of the stock market!

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Laws are like spider's webs: if some poor weak creature comes up against them, it is caught; but a big one can break through and get away.

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Senator to colleagues: Life in the Senate is getting too complicated.

It's impossible to sidestep one issue without stepping on another one."

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Education: what a father gets when he sits in on a conversation with a group of teenagers.

~o~

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Good Morning friends......Well it's another week of fun......


Mom, Dad, and the family.

I thought this was a cute picture...a pretty kitten..

The caption saz it all.............

For when you go out in style........

~0~

The teacher was telling the class about plants that have the word "dog" in front of them:

dog rose, dogwood, dog violet.

She asked the class if they could name another flower with the prefix "dog.

"Stanley raised his hand and said,"Sure, Miss Donohue, a 'collie' flower!"

~0~

A pastor was addressing the children during the Sunday service:"Who is the mother of Jesus?" he asked them.

Without hesitation, dozens of tiny voices chorused back "Mary."

"That's right. Now who can tell me who is the father of Jesus?"

There was quiet and fidgeting.

After all, no one told them there was going to be a quiz.

Then a young boy spoke up. With assurance, he boldly announced, "I know! It's Virg."

After two more seconds of silence the entire community erupted in laughter.

The young boy blushed but nevertheless continued, "Of course! ... We all know it was Virg 'n Mary.

~0~

A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits.

The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee's pay.

She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave AND they paid the full premiums."

"I can't help but asking madam why you would leave a job with such benefits," the interviewer replied.

The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt."

~0~

My wife and I were dining out at a nice restaurant.

I overheard the couple at the next table discussing their bill.

"Well Betty," said the man, "Near as I can figure, based on the price of the ham dinner you just ate, we got a hog back on the farm worth at least $137,000."

Good Morning.....Friends and everyone else............


A garden helps......what's better then a home-grown tomato ?

Yep..

Now thats a bad storm......

Rap?

Its that time...........

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There is a certain inconsistency in the way we insist that the butcher's scales be strictly honest, but have no great objection if the bathroom scale tends to register a trifle on the light side.

~0~

Realizing that I needed a new car, recently I went to a car dealership to look at the new hybrids.

When they found out that I didn't qualify for the loan, they sold me a lo-brid.

I love the way it pedals!!

~0~

A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, "I would like to speak with Mr. Eberson, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours."

The banker said, "Yes, he certainly was trusted.

And he will be tried as soon as we catch him."

~0~

Things to ponder......

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

Don't Worry About Wrinkles... They're Just Antique Smiles.

Definition of an elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.

Good Morning....Friends, and sweethearts.....


Hope everybodys had a good week....

Semper Fi....guys....

Couple "Biker Chicks"......

My Buddy.......

I'm watching you.........

~0~

A naval command instructor was indoctrinating his new naval command recruits.

He said, "You are all in the Navy now and in the US Navy we have our own language.

For instance, in the Navy we don't call it a bathroom; we don't call it a toilet; we don't call it a latrine."

A young Naval Command recruit raised his hand and asked, "What do you call it?"

"Son, we call it a 'head'.

Now tell me son, what is the difference between a 'head' and a 'hole in the ground'?"

The naval recruit said, "Well, I don't know."

The naval command Instructor said, "Son, how do you expect to command a US Naval ship if you don't know your head from a hole in the ground?"

~0~

Chinese man goes to eye doctor.

Doctor says to the man, Mr. Lee you have a cataract.

Man says to eye doctor, oh no, drive Rincon Continental

~0~

Q: Where do people who say "shoot" and "darn" go to?

A: Heck

~0~

"A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away." (Arabian Proverb)

Good morning....people.



Dinner time.....





Ever see a horse do a back flip....?

And he wasn't hurt........

What are you????

Hey....I thought you would share.....It looks so good....

~0~

A professional photographer, at a friend's house for dinner, was asked to show his Portfolio from a recent overseas trip.

His friends were quite impressed "what wonderful Photos! "Said the wife" you must have a very expensive camera.

"The photographer just Smiled and waited until after dinner, when he said "Thank you for the delicious meal...You must have very expensive pans!

~0~

I've often been asked, "what do you old guys do now that you're retired?"

Well, I have a friend who has a chemical background and one of the things we enjoy most is turning beer, bourbon, and martinis into urine.

And, we're pretty damn good at it!!"

~0~

Diapers and government need to be changed frequently for much the same reason.

~0~

The first-time father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas.

Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant.

His wife walked in, looked at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, and said, "What in the world are you doing?"

He replied, "I'm waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another."

Good Morning......Having a good day, are ya!




A picture from Snowman......

If he didn't have that suit on he'd be in a world of hurt...

What can I say ?..........

For the kid that has everything...Audi pedal car=$13,000

I bet this will cost......a burned Ferrari.....

~0~

While recently riding on the bus standing up, a friend of mine grabbed onto the pole nearest her to keep herself steady while the bus traveled down the road.

She soon noticed a young man, who was also hanging on to the same pole, staring at her.

Although this was somewhat annoying, she decided to just look the other way.

Soon the bus came to a stop.

Clearing his throat, the young man said,"Excuse me. This is my stop."

Since she wasn't blocking his way, my friend was slightly confused."Well," she said, "go ahead."

"And this is my pole," the young man said.

My friend was completely perplexed until the young man added, "I just bought it at the hardware store to hold up my shower curtain.

~0~

Miss [Tallulah] Bankhead (1903-1968), in a booth in a ladies' room could not find any toilet paper in her stall, and asked the lady in the next booth, "Darling, is there any tissue in there?"

"Sorry, no."

"Then have you any Kleenex?"

"Afraid not."

Then Tallulah said, "My dear, have you two fives for a ten?"

~0~

Quote....

My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.

- Phillis Diller -

Good Morning.....Friends.
We are just friends, and neighbours here.............
~

Carol's newest Painting....."Carol's Rose"......very good !

Oh...No...

Snowman sent me this picture of a sudden stop............

She's going to the movies....she's picking out her seat..........

~0~

Before writing a prescription for my young daughter, the pediatrician asked her if she was allergic to anything.

Erica whispered something in his ear.

That night, before giving her the medicine, I read the directions on the bottle.

The doctor had warned, "Do not take with broccoli."

~0~

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,...... just getting over the hill.

You could run this over to your friends but why not just e-mail it to them!

We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

AND

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine

Good morning....It's gonna be a fine day..
after all that rain it's welcomed.....



What we've seen for awhile...

Mug shot....He looks bad.....but I bet he's just a pussy cat.

Cute.......

Army rescue operation........

~0~

A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother.

" who am i ????? "

Ready to play the game she said " i dont know who are you ???? "

" WOW " cried the child... " mrs Johnson was right ! she said i was so dirty that my mother would not even recognize me!

oo

A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly.

On his face was the saddest hangdog expression.

The bartender asked, "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"

The man said, "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."

The bartender said, "That should make you happy."

The man sadly shook his head and said, "Not when the month is up today!"

oo

Success can be relative, the more you succeed, the more relatives may descend on you.

Book (n): A utensil used to pass time while waiting for the computer repairman.

Good morning, every one....Well it's rained all weekend and been chilly.



Still raining.



Feeding time......

Stretching..... I don't know....looks like its gotta hurt....

Just about hits it on the head........

A BAD night ?

~0~

The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'

At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all.

I just can't remember it all.

Earth Day.

Politicians all across America did something to mark Earth Day.

For instance, President Bush was photographed with a shovel, and former President Clinton was photographed with a hoe."

So many options for suicide:

Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow & sure!

Good Morning.....I know it's not Mother's day every were....




But I'm boss of this outfit, And I say...

"Happy Mothers Day"

To all the ladies on here...................

Now thats about right....

Walking with my gang........

He's the look out.........

~0~

announcement:

China will no longer publish a phone directory due to chaos.

There were so many Wings and Wong's in THE DIRECTORY, people were always winging wong numbers.

~0~

A lady gynaecologist was checking on a patient who had a hysterectomy operation three days before.

The doctor asked the woman why she hadn't yet gotten out of bed.

"I hurt," the woman replied. "You don't know how it feels."

"I know exactly how it feels," the doctor said.

"I had the same procedure three months ago, I was on my feet two days later and back at work in less than six weeks.

There's no difference in our operations."

"Oh yes there is," said the patient.

"You had a different gynaecologist."

~0~

My psychiatrist specializes in group therapy.

Instead of a couch, he has bunk beds.

The funny thing about going to a psychiatrist is that you have to lie down to learn how to stand on your own two feet.

~0~

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing..

Good morning....Sorry I'm late.....
I had some problems....

I thought I was the only one that felt like that......

Cute....

He's cute in a careful way.....He might be hungry..

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The United States is the world's largest provider of food aid, delivering more than $2.1 billion to 78 developing countries last year.

~0~

Let's Not Beat Around The Bush..................

Father: "So you want to be my son-in-law, do you?"

Boyfriend: "Not particularly, but since I want to marry your daughter, I haven't much choice!"

~0~

The Definition of a Mother.

A mother is someone who loves to tuck you into your bed at night.

And prays you will have good dreams until the morning’s light.

A mother is someone who makes you glad,Even when you don’t feel very good or are sad.

She makes you so happy when you are blue.

A mother is someone who helps you when you need help, no one could ever take her place.

A mother is the best person in the entire human race.

Before herself, a Mother, always thinks of others.

My mother is was good to me, so thank you Lord for Mothers.

~0~

If it's free, it's advice;

if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.

Good rainy Morning......
Rough storms last night...
Flood warnings out today.....




About right.........

Damn....I gotta change this cats food....scary!

What can I say??

I'm keeping my mouth shut on this one......

Mama's watchin ya......

~0~

Walking can add minutes to your life.

This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

~0~

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60..

Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell he is.

~0~

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks.

Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

~0~

Arkansas doesn't see that many hang gliders, so when Bubba saved up and bought himself one, he didn't really know where to go to get instruction.

He just took it to the top of the highest hill around, took off running, and, when he reached the edge, up into the wind he went!

Down below, Maw and Paw were sitting on their front porch, swinging and talking about the good old days when suddenly Maw shouted, "Paw! Lookee there!

Ain't that the biggest bird yew ever seen?"

Paw agreed, reached into the living room, grabbed his shotgun, took careful aim, and "BANG! BANG!"

The monster bird continued sailing silently overhead.

"I think ya missed him, Paw," said Maw."

Yeah, mebbe so," he grunted, "but at least he let go of Bubba!"