Damn....He's got a smile on his face....he's a cool dude..
Sounds about right !!

Damn...an apple will bite you back........................
Nice photoshopped............................

Carlos: Did you hear about Lucinda, lady of the night who was so worn

out that she needed two days of sleep before she could be on her feet again?
Santo: No, my friend.
Carlos: Seems like she had Juan too many!!!

Golfer's Wives...........
The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her

ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?"

her husband demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says,

For the sake of decency, here's 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.

Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.

"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?"
She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."

He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's 20.

Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over.

The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too,

is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie!

Where the frig are yer drawers?"
She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any."
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o Jaysus,

'n the sake of decency, here's a comb.

Tidy yerself up a bit."
~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cute photoshopped........
Damn...Granddaddy, put something on....will ya!

Bet he don't get a second date.........

A man was arrested for speeding, reckless driving, driving without lights

and violation of traffic signals.

He demanded a trial by jury.
"But you can't win that case in court," a friend advised him.
"I know," said the man. "I did it on purpose.

My niece just graduated from law school and this is her first case.

I want her to lose so maybe she'll get discouraged and get an honest job...."

Enclosed with the heartworm pills my friend received from a veterinarian

was a sheet of red heart stickers to place on a calendar as a reminder

to give her pet the medication.

She attached these stickers to her kitchen calender, marking the first

Saturday of every month.

When her husband noticed the hearts, he grinned from ear to ear,

turned to his wife and asked, "Do you have something special in

mind for these days?"

A nice day dawning~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An't this a nice sunrise.....Looking out window....
Damn....I'm at a lost for words.....







A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said
"If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop."
The girl kept walking.
Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me
and I'll give you two lolly pops."
She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way.
The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!"
Finally, the girl turned and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford,
YOU ride in it!!!"

~~~

Our niece's four-year-old son was asked if he knew what had happened to
the almost full bottle of mouthwash in the bathroom.
He replied: "Well, Dad tasted it and spit it out;
then Marie tasted it and spit it out.
So I thought if nobody liked it, I might as well dump the rest out!"
And he did.

Happy Valentines Day...

Snow's a little deep HuH !!
Were the new Lowe's and Wal-Mart is going in.....

You have heard of "Guitar Hero"....Now "Accordion Hero"
Thats me !...... Pete uses corn cobs...now that's cheap!

VEGGIE VALENTINE;
Cabbage always has a heart; Green beans string along.

You're such a Tomato, Will you Peas to me belong?

You've been the Apple of my eye, You know how much I care;

So Lettuce get together, We'd make a perfect Pear.
Now, something's sure to Turnip, To prove you can't be Beet;

So, if you Carrot all for me Let's let our Tulips meet.

Don't Squash my hopes and dreams now, Bee my Honey, dear;

Or tears will fill Potato's eyes, While Sweet Corn lends an ear.
I'll Cauliflower shop and say Your dreams are Parsley mine.

I'll work and share my Celery, So be my Valentine.

~~~

During a sermon one day, a Welsh revivalist preacher swept to

his conclusion by asking everyone in the congregation who

wished to go to heaven to raise his or her hands.

Everyone did, with the exception of Taz, prominently seated

in the.... very first row.

"But, Mz Taz," the affronted preacher remarked, "surely you

want to go to heaven?"

"Yes," Taz replied, "but I'll not go by the excursion train."

Ice has coated everything......

A Nission General Lee ??

Ice...Ice..........................

What can I say...................................
Got nothing to say............

The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"

To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music.

Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?"

"Certainly," replied the warden.

He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son?

What is your final request?"
"Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."

~~~

A young lady went to see the missionary priest on his monthly visit and told him she got married since his last visit.

Inquisitive, the priest asked the girl, “Did you marry a good catholic boy?”

the girl said, “No, Father, I didn’t”.

A bit anxious, the priest then asked, “Did you a marry a good Christian Boy?”

“No Father”, she replied. The priest then asked,

“What did you do, marry a member of the Klu Klux Klan”.

“What’s a member of the KKK”, she asked.

The priest replied “Why daughter, that’s a Devil under the sheets”.

She looked at the priest rather sheepishly and said, “Father that’s my boy”.

Good Morning......everyone!

Ferrari pedal car....$800.00...........

This is a "Geep"......part goat and part sheep..what ya think Carol?
Monticello.......................

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly,

painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "Arthritis....

~~~

Flipper, a normally "careful driver" got stopped for rolling through a stop sign and

was given a ticket by the state patrolman.

When he went to court he was asked if he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial.

"Jury trial," he replied.

"Do you understand the difference?" asked the judge.

"Sure," replied Flipper, "That's where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead

of one."

A chilly 18 degrees this morn...

A nice sunrise.........
Poor playground...Too cool to run or walk the circle..........

Some fast drying concrete....huh!........
Hummingbird lane...........they'll be back in April.

Sunday school teacher Mrs. Tierney had a class of three-year- olds.

She began the lesson by saying,"Today we are going to study about Peter.

Can anybody tell me who Peter was?"
A little lad in the back of the group raised his hand.

"Oh, how nice," Mrs. Tierney said. "Bobby knows.

Bobby, please come up front and tell the class who Peter was."

Bobby quickly came to the front and said with great pride in his voice,

"I fink he was a wabbit."

~~~

The rich are different from you and me, for one thing, they make a lot more

money for doing nothing.

Movie star Kirk Douglas was once paid $50,000 for saying the only English

word at the end of a Japanese Tv commercial: "Coffee."

That's a word you or I probably could have been talking into saying for ten,

maybe twelve thousand.

Early today.....couldn't sleep........

One for "Carol"....To make up for being late yesterday..........
Take a walk downtown, At the Mall........

Off we go in to the wild blue...........
I'm not gonna say anything...............................

A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages,

a Florida Adult community.

A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench.

After a few moments, the woman asks, 'Are you a stranger here?'

He replies, 'I lived here years ago.

''So, where were you all these years?''

In prison,' he says.

'Why did they put you in prison?'

He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.'

'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single...?!'

The accountant came to work looking exhausted.

Finally, his boss took him aside.

"Andrew," he said, "you look terrible! What's wrong?"

"Sorry," he replied. "I just couldn't get to sleep last night.

"Trying to be helpful, Andrew's boss asked,

"Why didn't you try counting sheep?"

"I did," he answered. "THAT was the problem."

"I made a mistake, and it took me the rest of the night to find it."

Gramma what are you doing........
Whatcha say Boy.....................

Oh...Well...........................
I used to love these movies............

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up
and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure
that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Johnny, looking worried, said,......
"Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mommy.
~~~

*Gus to investment counselor: "I have an investment problem -
*I don't have any money."
*Easiest way to figure the cost of living: take your income and add ten percent.
*Mosquitoes are like children, the moment they quit making noise you can
be sure they're into something.
*Accountant to excited client: "Sorry, but the government doesn't let you deduct last year's tax as a bad investment."
*If voting really could change anything it would be illegal.

Little snow this morning.....

Oopps..........................
Lap pig ??.......................

Tommy...watching me take sunrise pics...on a fence post.
Got his dinner............................

Have you heard about the new medication that is both an aphrodisiac and laxative?

It's called "Easy Come, Easy Go."

~~~

Little girl says to her grandma "Granny, do all fairy tales begin with 'once upon

a time'"?....
Granny, "No darling, there is a whole other bunch of em that begin with

"If elected,.... I promise'".............

~~~

A friend dropped off his wife at the hairstylist and she was supposed to call me

when she was ready to be picked up.

She must have dialed a wrong number, she reported later.
She called, and a man said "Hello," to which she cheerfully said, "Come and get me!"
The man said, "Are you sure? This is Mitchell's funeral home."

Couple weed eaters for sale.................................................

Nice sun rise this morning...................................................

Watch it "Buster"...........................
Internet Date.....................................................


Thinking she might have gained a few unwanted pounds,
my wife stepped on the scale in the bathroom.
With a frown, she got off, but then she stepped right back on.
When I asked why she'd done that, she said,.............
"I want a second opinion."


Rating Women;
Three guys were having a few beers at a bar and checking out the
babes as they entered the bar.
A cute blonde walked in. The first guy said, "I'd give her a 7. She's cute."
The other two agreed.
The bartender, overhearing their rating, said dryly, "I'd give her a 3."
"A 3? Man, you're harsh!"
The guys figured the bartender just had lousy taste in women and
returned to their sport.
The next young lady scored a 9, but the bartender gave her a 5.
"A 5? How can you give her a 5?" the three guys asked. "She's gorgeous!"
Then a stunning blonde walked in.
Our three judges nod and say in unison, "10!"
But the bartender only rated her a "6."
"A 6!? No way!" protest the three guys. "What scale are you using?"
"The Budweiser scale," the bartender said.
"The Budweiser scale? What the hell is that?" asked the three guys.
The bartender explained, ...........
"That's the number of Clydesdales it would take to pull me off her!"

Slow....Slow...Slow...

Sorry....No pictures today.....Can't load them.
Dial-up is all I can get, and I have Yahoo and It's
so damn slow these last few days.
Today It's Really slow {2.5 kbs}
I guess It's to slow for Blogger as it won't load pics.
Bummer !.............................................................




The funny....
Friends who just retired decided to take their sailboat,
Prairie Secret, to Florida for the winter.
"We've decided to fly to the Dominican Republic for awhile
when we're there," Ray said.
"Why don't you sail there?
I asked.
"Because if I lost sight of land," Ray grinned,
"I'd have to change the boat's name to Prairie Chicken."


A 43 year-old fisherman in Kiev connected cables to the main
power supply of his home, and put the other end into the river
next to his house.
The electric shock killed the fish, which floated belly-up to the
top of the water.
Clever way to fish eh?
Anyway, to get the fish, the man swam into the river, neglecting
to remove the live wire, and tragically suffered the same fate as
the fish.

God as my witness.....I'll get you for this.........................
Mess with me will ya !..............

gettin Grocerys...............
Ayea.........................................

Real newspaper Ads;
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.
FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES...Mother, AKC German Shepherd.Father, Super Dog...
able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.Looks like a rat...
been out a while.Better be a reward.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
NORDIC TRACK: $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.
GEORGIA PEACHES: California grown - 89 cents lb.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY! :Must sell washer and dryer $300.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE: WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE.
Call Stephanie.
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete ! set of Encyclopedia Britannica,
45 volumes.Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married last month.Wife knows everything
free laptops............mouse not included (kittens)

I know...I know...I'm late......Oh...Well.who cares..

I'm warning you....I'm gonna get you......................

Car pants......................

A good carry...............




A man receives a 10 year sentence in prison and after being in-processed is in
the exercise yard for the first time.
Seeing a group of guys he walks over in time to hear a man say "number 25" and
the crowd goes wild.
A second guy says "number 77" again everyone laughs.
He asks the old man standing next to him what is going on.
The man replies, "all the jokes here are so old they have been assigned numbers
to save time as everyone knows the punch lines.
The new fish gets a list and studies it for a couple of weeks.
Once again out in the exercise yard he joins the crowd and suddenly says,
"number 16", not a sound is heard.
Quickly he says "number 25" again only silence.
In a panic he shouts out, "number 77".
Silence, the crowd starts breaking up when one con turns to the guy next to him
and says, "some guys can tell them, some can't".


Quote:
"In my many years I have come to a conclusion, that one useless man is a shame,
two is a law firm and three or more is a congress -" John Adams

Sunny....and 55 degrees.

Oh...Oh............Gus is getting a knot on the head............
How about here Ree???

I don't know....................
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~oo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A recent survey done by marriage experts shows that the most common

form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: "You're what?!?"

Morty arrives home from work and as soon as he sets foot in the house,

Sadie is on to him, telling him that their friend Marvin has finally quit smoking.

"Imagine that, Morty," she says, "Someone who smoked 3 packs a day for 20

years has stopped smoking all of a sudden.

Now that's what I call will power - something that you definitely don't have."

But Sadie hadn't finished. "And that's not all. I hear that Bernie, that drunken f

riend of yours, is finally giving up drinking - another example of the kind of will

power that you don't have."

"OK, Sadie," said Morty, "you want to see will power, do you?

Well here's will power.

I am going to sleep in the spare room from now on.

I am going to prove to you that I won't be affected at all by not sleeping

with a woman."
Morty keeps to his word.

One night, when he had been sleeping alone for a week, there is a knock on

his bedroom door.

Morty shouts out, "What do you want?"

Sadie replies, "Er... Marvin has started smoking again."