Hitch a ride....

Teach them hate young....
Look out....here we come.......

A saucer descends upon a shack in a remote southern town.

They immediately proceed to corral the already stupefied family and begin to herd them on to an awaiting ship.
The dad, seated in the back can be seen furiously spraying himself with a can labeled "Alien Abduction Protection Spray."
Amused, the two aliens move back toward the man and observe his frantic exercise.

After he completely empties the can onto himself, the aliens grab each of his arms and start to escort him to the door.
He starts yelling out, "Hey, you can't abduct me, I'm protected by that there "Abduction repellent!"
The two aliens look at each other and one of them says, "The only thing in that can is deodorant."
They continue to drag him out the door.
"Ha!" says the man. "Ma friend Pete said that he sprays this on himself every night and he's never been abducted his whole life."
"Well your friend Pete forgot to tell you to spray BEFORE we find you.

You don't think we used our EYES to find rednecks in the middle of the woods at 3 a.m.,

did you?"

Oh...Well another Day....

The teacher asks his class to make sentences with words he choses. . . little johnny's hand goes up...
O.K. the teacher says' make a sentence containing...
DEFEAT, DEDUCT, DEFENCE and DETAIL....' Johnny thinks for a minute then says....
defeat of deduct went over defence before detail...........

Sorry...I'm late...

Shopping cart...down under.
We know, we know you want to kill all.
No! that's an asshole.


A couple is taking a stroll in a lovely meadow when they come upon a wishing well.
The woman leans over, makes a wish, and throws in a quarter.
Her husband decides he wants to make a wish, also.
Unfortunately, he leans over too far, falls down into the well, and drowns.
The woman stands there shaken for a moment, and then exclaims,
"HOLY SHIT, IT WORKS!"

I know....I bad.

On the deck....

Breakfast on the deck this morning...
Real nice day....
Hummingbird's haven't left yet....She's having breakfast too.

Funny for today....
A huge college freshman figured he'd try out for the football team.
"Can you tackle?" asked the coach.
"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole,
shattering it to splinters.
"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"
"Of course I can run," said the freshman.
He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.
"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"
The freshman rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it." ~~~

You can tell I like old barns and buildings..

A young lady, while scanning the menu at a restaurant with her boyfriend, saw that all the appealing dishes were expensive.
"How much do you love me?" she asked him.
Still looking at the menu he replied, "Probably more than corned beef, but not as much as a lobster."

Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success by sucking up to the boss rather than working for it.

The rat pack....

Miss Maggie..
The Rats......
Fall is on its way....Gettin the Hey in....

Couples who have lived together a long time Have their own way of communicating.
A woman over heard her aunt and uncle one day:
"What are you looking for in that closet?" Sadie asked.
"Nothing," Morris answered.
"Well, it's not in there. Look under the bed."~~~
~~~~O~~~~
An elderly couple was attending a church service.
About halfway through the wife leans over and says, ” I just did a silent fart, what do you think I should do?”
The husband rolls his eyes and replies, ” Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”

Everybody doing O.K....

Hi...to Geri, from Eons. Glad to have you visiting.

Question: When you apply for Welfare in Mexico what Does the Mexican Government give you ?
Answer: A map to the United States.

Did you know;
ABC News says Americans spend $300 billion every year on games of chance, and that doesn't even include weddings and elections."

Is any one awake??

I hurried into a shop, picked up a can of spray, handed it to the clerk and asked.
"Is this good for Wasps?"
After looking at it for a moment He replied "No sir, It will kill them!!!"

Things getting back to normal....

I guess I better clean up....
Nice view....

QUESTION: When does a person decide to become a tax collector?
ANSWER: When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

Tell the world....

Boom~Boom !
Carol did this painting very good....
You don't have to tell everybody.....damn!

A man went out behind his barn and caught his son playing with his manhood.
The father said, "Son, get a girl.
She'd be twice as good as what you're doing there."
The son replied, "Dad, if she'd twice as good as this, I don't think I could stand it."

Well, here it is Labor day weekend......

I have never cared for this...but was asked to post it......


Every body have a great weekend.....We will.

Women ! Who can figure 'em out?
Now that the kids are grown and gone, my wife says she needs more "outside interests".
I thought I'd surprise her and presented her with a brand new fancy lawn mower.
Now, she's mad with me!

I've tried to post everyday....but it's a bit much.
Not much goes on in my life. So now I just post whenever...
I wonder if anybody reads it anyway.
Oh well...gives me something to do.

We had a good Birthday....

Lunch time....
We had a good time at the pasture party....

Talk about Alaska food prices.
A women went to the store tobuy a couple heads of lettuce, but when she saw the price
at$2.00 she told the grocer, "Do you know what you can do with this lettuce?"
"No thanks, lady, I've got a $2.00 cucumber up there now."
(and we won't even talk about the $20.00 watermelons)

Thank you friends for all the cards........

Steam and Gas Pasture Party..

Apple Butter time is getting here..but it's too hot!

The two men stood on the lonely lighthouse.
Through the fog they could see a small boat making its way toward them, with a lonely occupant.
Suddenly a squall lifted the craft and tossed the man into the water.
The two men on shore sprang into action.
Hurriedly they launched their own craft and fought their way through perilous and treacherous waters to reach the man.
At last they got him aboard their boat.
"It's a good thing you rescued me," the dripping man said gratefully.
"I was coming out to see you about your income tax."

Some Cool stuff............

Blue foot Boobies

Steam and pasture party this weekend....

Pete walks into a doctors and says, "Doctor, I think i have a slight discharge."
The female doctor says, OK, stand here and pull your pants down.
Pete does as she says, the doctor then begins massaging his willy, After a few minutes, she says, Theres no discharge here.
Pete replies, "I know, its in my ear....."

Question....
How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose?
If she farts, her ankles swell.

Nuttin going on.....

Books we'll never read or use:

"Dr. Pock's Seven Quick-Day Steps to Acne and Blackhead Removal"

Dr. Sigmund Pussible's "Book of Boils for the Med Student"

Dr. Incredible's "Supremely-Perfect Marriage and Never-Divorce Manual"
"
Your Mother-in-Law Is Just Like Your Own Mom...Really!"

"Miss Teague's Coffee Grounds Ice Cream Sundaes"

"Foot Soaks To Win The Woman Of Your Dreams"

Exercise/Health Equipment With Catchy Names and New to the Marketplace:

"Brainiac Jack or Jill in the Sack"---a head device increases your IQ while you still get 8 hours of sleep! Amazing!

"The Sub-Fat Jacket"---wear it while eating low-fat subs and lose an extra 20 pounds in 6 weeks!

"Ice Cream Churn-Off"---in 10 minutes a day for 2 weeks, all ice- cream cravings go to zero!

"Butt-B-Gone"---large butts go to normal size in 30 days with this unusual device. Note: the "end butt" may still offend you!

It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

We get alot of these around here.....

An "Aye-Aye"

The Aye-aye is native to Madagascar, that combines rodent-like teeth with a long, thin middle finger.

Being the world’s largest nocturnal primate, It’s characterized by its unique method of finding food, tapping on trees to find grubs, then gnawing holes in the wood and inserting its elongated middle finger to pull the grubs out.
The Aye-aye is currently an endangered species.
They’re the world’s largest nocturnal primate, and dwell predominantly in forest canopies, weighing about 5.5 pounds (2.5 kilograms).

Now the joke.....
Two nuns were walking across a pasture when one stepped in a cow patty, She yelled,"
Oh SHIT, I stepped in some # 2!"

What do you call a person who can't walk through a pasture without getting shit all over their shoes?
"Incowpoop".

A really hot day....

The Shop....
The little one is nipping and trying to play...She's not scared!

A man rushed into a jewelry store, told the clerk he needed a pair of diamond earrings for his wedding anniversary, and quickly made his selection.

When asked if he wanted them wrapped, he replied, "That would be great, but hurry.

My wife thinks I'm taking out the garbage!"

Ah..So....I have a suprise for you........

Gentle thoughts for today.

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time,
but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight,
because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you smile when things go wrong , you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.
For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs."

Pot roast on...Smells so good......

Old Age Combat Hat..
Now the funny....

Two women were discussing reincarnation.
One asked Ruby if her husband believed in it.
Ruby said, "Does my husband believe in life after death?
My husband doesn't even believe in life after dinner!"

Couple pics I thought were nice..

Found on the internet..
Boomer coming in......

"We have women in the military, but they don't put them in the front lines.

They don't know if they can fight or if they can kill.

I think they can.

All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms." ~~~