Good Morning, Friends...
Patchy fog in the morning. Mostly sunny, rest of the day
Highs in the lower 80s, and  Southwest winds around 5 mph..
Great sleeping weather...
Well, Hump Day is here....
☼

Here is a Sunrise from the other day....

Been awhile since a great Sunrise....

☼

These Hummers have went through 25lbs, Sugar

this Summer.....

☺

You think they would fry up like chicken??

You would have to have 45-50 to make a

mouth full....

☼

This reminds me... I'll have Oatmeal this norning

for breakfast... with toast....

☼

Yeah, Right.....

Mine hates to get wet.....

☼

I must not have been the only one....

☼

I'll take the "Batman" pair.....

Got a red pair.....just to wear to the Docs......

☼

Music to soothe the savage beast??

Well, he fixed that mirror...

☼

One way to take your buddy for a ride...

They must camp out alot....

☼

Now this is the life....

just sitting on the bank.... and fishing...

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♥♥♥

~  To help a friend lose weight, I told her that she
should switch to lower-fat foods; including skim milk.
When she said her family would only drink whole milk,
I suggested that she keep their regular container and
refill it with skim milk.
This worked for quite a while, until her daughter asked,
one morning, whether the milk was okay.
 “Sure, it’s fine,” my friend answered, fearing she had
been found out.
“Why do you ask?”
 “Because according to the bottle,” the daughter
explained, “this milk expired a year ago.”

☼

~  A new miracle doctor was in town.
He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was
amazed.
 Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town’s grouch So
Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he
 wasn't anybody special.
So he goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost
my sense of taste.
I can't taste nothing', so what are you going to do?"
 The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself
a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar
number 43."
 Jar number 43?
Mr. Smith wonders.
So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste
it.
He tastes it and immediately spits it out,
"This is gross!" he yells.
"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith,"
says the doctor.
 So Mr. Smith goes home very mad.
One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor
along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts,
"I can't remember!"
 Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his
 head and mumbles to himself a little and tells
Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..."
 Before the doctor finished his sentence,
Mr. Smith fled the office.

☼

~ The latest toy has hit the shops... a talking Muslim doll.
Nobody knows what the hell it says,
because no one has the guts to pull the cord.

☼

~  A lady is driving her car down a deserted road in the
middle of nowhere.
She comes to a stop sign, but doesn't see anyone,
so she slows down a little and goes right through it.
Immediately she hears a siren, and pulls over.
When the cop walks over to her window to give her a
ticket, she protests, "I know I broke the law,
but it doesn't really matter, does it, because there was
no one around.
Besides, I slowed down some."
The officer says, "Here, I'll show you why it matters.
Get out of the car."
She gets out of the car, and the cop pulls out his
knightstick and starts beating her.
"No one is around!" he tells her.
"Do you want me to slow down or stop?"

☼

~  I bought a plunger the other day.
You ever bought a plunger?
Its an embarrassing purchase.
At first, you think its no big deal.
Stand in the line, swinging it.
And then you realize everybody knows;
you got a situation at home.
Nobody buys a plunger on a whim.

☼

~  He had had quite a night: wining and dining,
followed by love-making all night long.
 As he prepared to leave the next morning,
she rolled over and asked,
"Darling, before you go, how about some money?"
 He sheepishly replied, "You've done enough for me
already.
I'll just grab a cup of coffee on my way out!"

☼

~ Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog
food Fido wouldn't eat?
Shut up and eat your meat loaf.

☼

~  Applicants for jobs at the company where my friend
Diana works are asked to fill out a questionnaire.
Among the things candidates list is their high school
and when they attended.
One prospective employee dutifully wrote the name of
his high school, followed by the dates attended:
"Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday."

☼

~  My friend Lynn said:

When my ex moved out while I was at work,
she took my new flat screen tv, but she couldn't find
the remote.
I will occasionally drive to her house around 2 am and
turn the TV on and the volume all the way up.
I'll give it 2 years and call us even."

☼

~ At a theatre audition, a little girl had had
nine attempts to conceal her lisp, leaving just one left.
It was a tenth situation.

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Todays Thought:

All truths are easy to understand once they are
discovered; the point is to discover them. - Galileo Galilei

Rae's Trivia....

May 1942, U.S. ice cream manufacturers were
restricted by law to produce only 20 different flavors of
ice cream.
But to this date, no explanation for the law has ever
been offered.

 

Good Morning...Friends and Neighbors...
Todays weather Patchy fog in the morning.
Sunny. Highs in the lower 80s.
Northeast winds around 5 mph...
Still have a few Hummingbirds feeding,
but I think they will be leaving soon...
☼

Pete The cats gonna eat your dinner...

You better get it gone......

☼

How about a sweet Jelly roll??

Looks good don't it......

☼

Now you know why there are no mice there......

☼

You look like a board....

Go catch some mouses...

Make yourself useful....

☼

You too, Lazy......

☼

Why, because I asked you to earn your keep?

☼

Another LAZY...Cat......

☼

This one swz he's a farmer....

Yeah....right...

☼

Oh, No... not that......

You ain't right......

☼

This is so true......

☼

Getting the runaround??

☼

Say 'GOODBY' to GrandMa....

☼

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♥♥♥

~  Michelle Obama lost an earring and phoned the
insurance company to ask for the money.
 The insurance guy explained to her, slowly and carefully,
 that she wouldn't necessarily get what the earring was
insured for, the insurance company could either replace
it or pay her what it was worth.
 Half an hour later she phoned back and asked if she
could cancel the life insurance policy on her husband.

☼

~  A chicken crossing the road......
Is poultry in motion..

☼

*  Marriage teaches you loyalty, forbearance,
self-restraint, meekness, and a lot of other qualities
you wouldn't need if you'd stayed single.

☼

*  Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an
attendant standing nearby.
"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous
representations you call modern art?"
"No, Madam," replied the attendant.
"That one's called a mirror."

☼

~ Some Quickies...
• The museum boasted owning the original version of
Beethoven's unfinished basement.
• What are imitation rhinestones?
• If a word in the dictionary were misspelled,
how would we know?
• I'm getting a tattoo.
It's going to be all over my whole body--
a tattoo of myself...... Only taller.
• I was in the supermarket the other day,
and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the
generic brands.
Her name was "woman".
• I have a decaffeinated coffee table.
You'd never know it to look at it.
• My neighbors don't like it when I talk to my plants ...
I use a megaphone.

☼

*  The New York-New Jersey Trail Conference was
preparing to move from its longtime home in New York
City to Mahwah, N.J.
The day before the big move, the following sign appeared
on the door:    HERE TODAY, GONE TO MAHWAH."

☼

*   I wanted to go out last night.....
and drown my troubles but my wife
wouldn't go swimming with me.

☼

*  Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and
getting out of the way before it is understood.

☼

*  There was a little person who didnt have any arms,
but he wanted a job really bad.
He went into several places to interview, but the results
were always the same.
You have to have arms to do work here.
One day, he saw in front of a church, a sign saying
"Bell ringer wanted, no experience necessary"
He applied to the pastor at the church, the pastor asked
how he would ring the bells without any arms,
 the little guy went to the bell tower, backed up as far as
he could and ran fierecly into the bell with his face.
The bell rang beautifully.
The pastor gave him the job.
Everything went well for a few weeks, but one day the
little guy came to work and didnt feel too good,
having an off day.
He backed up and started running to ring the bell,
 but missed...... he fell onto the sidewalk below.
People gathered round the poor little guy, someone
asked if anyone knew his name?
The pastor of the church replied...........
I dont know his name but his face rings a bell.

☼

*  Pete:  I finally figured out a way to come back from
Vegas with a small fortune.
Gus:  Oh, what's the secret?
Pete:  Go there with a large fortune.

☼

~ A guy told his doctor that he could no longer do as
much work around the house as he used to,
he just didn't seem to have the energy for chores. 
The doctor gave him a thorough examination and at the
end the guy said, "Okay Doc, tell me in plain English,
what's wrong with me?"
"Well," said the doctor, "in plain English, you're just
lazy."
 "Okay" said the guy, "now give me the medical term
so I can tell my wife."

☼

☼

Todays Thought:

 People sleep quietly in their beds because rough
men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.
- George Orwell

Rae's Trivia.....

Insects such as termites and ants provide 10% of the
protein consumed worldwide.
Where insects are an integral part of a diet, they
contribute as much as 40% of protein.

 

Good Morning, everyone.....
Partly sunny, Today.....
Isolated showers in the afternoon.
Highs around 80. East winds around 5 mph.
☼

Oops... Any one got any toilet paper??

Gonna need alot.....

☼

Watch it! that crab will pinch you......

☼

Don't look like any catfish I ever saw....

☼

You just want a soft bed......

☼

Why would you dye your cat...?

☼

Oh No!... You messed up my Puter.....

I think I'll dye you yellow as Lemon....

☼

"Right Much"

Alway's like kittens....

☼

He looks cool...don't he??

☼

Cat Money??

☼

Yeah, right....ENO....

☼

How would you like this Caddie,,,,Pete...

☼

☼

♥♥♥

~  FEMA advice to prepare for hurricane Irene;
As Hurricane Irene prepares to batter the East Coast,
Federal disaster officials warn that internet outages
could force people to interact with other people for the
first time in years.
Residents are bracing themselves for the horror of
awkward silences and unwanted eye contact.
FEMA advises: “Be prepared.....
Write down possible topics to talk about in advance,
for example, sports or perhaps the weather.
Remember, a conversation is basically a series of
Facebook updates strung together.”

☼

~  Hurricane update: The mayor of New York has
announced its currently tearing through Brooklyn.
 Its already reported to have caused over
$300,000,000 worth of improvements...

☼

~ I heard The Statue of Liberty flew off its base
and some idiots trying to cash it in at the recycle center!

☼

~  The Israelis are developing an airport security device
that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with
full-body scanners at the airports.
It's a booth you can step into that will not X-ray you,
but will detonate any explosive device you may have on
you.
They see this as a win-win for everyone,
with none of this crap about racial profiling.
It also would eliminate the costs of a long and
expensive trial.

Justice would be swift..... Case closed.
You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled
explosion.
Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the
PA system: "Attention standby passengers -
we now have a seat available on flight number XXXX...
Shalom."
Hats off to the Israelis.

☼

~  If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea,
does the fifth one enjoy it?..... lol

☼

~  Here's a tip for you:
When you start going out with someone, just after they
go to sleep at night, put a nicotine patch on their arm.
Then, just before they wake up in the morning,
take it off again.
 This way, if they ever leave you, they'll get withdrawal
symptoms, think it's love, and come back.

☼

~  Just got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks...
To the alligators.

☼

*  After ten years of widowhood, I remarried. 
Leaving work one wintry evening, I told a colleague that
it was very gratifying to once again have someone worry
about me if the roads were icy. 
My new husband would be awaiting my arrival,
I said, and would hurry out to meet me at the car.
 I couldn't have been more right. 
As I pulled into the driveway, my husband burst out the
door and came up to me.
 Rubbing our new car, he anxiously queried,
"Did you get salt on it?"

☼

~  I bought a dog the other day.
I named him Stay.
It's fun to call him.
"Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!"
He went insane.
Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.
He's an East German Shepherd.

☼

~  A soldier in my platoon became concerned when the
army insisted that he sign up for direct deposit.
 "It's not going to work for me," he said, panicked.
 "Why not?" I asked.
 "Because I use my pay for spending money."
 "So"
 "For the past ten years, I've been telling my wife that
I serve for free!"

☼

☼

Todays Thought ☞

 "This country has come to feel the same when
Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of
a hammer." - Will Rogers

Rae's trivia......

First toilet on TV. 
The very first episode of Leave It to Beaver in 1957 was
shelved for a few weeks by network censors because it
showed a toilet. 
(Wally and the Beaver tried to keep a baby alligator in
the toilet tank,)

 

Well, we missed out on the Hurricane...
We only got some rain and wind....
And they wasn't bad....
Today Mostly sunny and breezy.
Highs in the lower 80s.
Northwest winds 15 to 25 mph with gusts up to 35 mph.
☼

The clouds was rolling in, and the wind started,,,

☼

Then the rain started.......

But the Hummingbirds kept feeding...

The rain and wind didn't slow them down....

☼

Damn "Bubba" you gots a nice leak......

I'd hate to be there when it goes!!

☼

Yeah, watch out for the cat.....

☼

When you going on TV??

☼

OMG.... don't pull that finger......

☼

What are you watching?  YMCA ??

☼

A good place for a haircut......

☼

Bacon is a cure-all....

☼

My cab is here... see you tomorrow.......

☼

☼

♥♥♥

~  Pete:  I don't see why you like professional sports so
much.
Gus:  Think about it..... 
Where else can you boo a bunch of millionaires to their
faces?

☼

~  New Reality show concept:
20 illegal imagrants stuffed into a trailer.
first to learn english wins green card...

☼

~  The Pope dies and goes to heaven.
He is assigned living quarters that are small and rather
simple, but he is very happy to be in heaven nonetheless.
 From what he can tell everyone else is set up pretty
much the same as him, so one day when he is walking
the streets of glory he is surprised to see a large
mansion with beautiful grounds surrounding it.
 Next time he sees St. Peter he asks who lives in the
mansion and is told it is a lawyer.
 This upsets The Pope, and trying to be as dipolmatic as
possible he asks how a lawyer could get such a
heavenly reward when he, a pope had such modest
quarters.
 "We have a whole bunch of Popes up here," answered
St. Peter, "but that guy is the only lawyer that ever made
it past the pearly gates!"

☼

~  After discussing the “food chain” with my fifth grade
class, I told them their weekend homework was to
 write a sentence showing they understood the meaning
of the term.
 On Monday morning, one student handed this in:
 “Burger King is my favorite food chain.”

☼

~  An ad comes on the radio.....
"Do you know someone who is an alcoholic or are you
one?
Then call this special number immediately."
 So Gus knowing he has had a drinking problem for
years hears the ad and calls the number.
 The voice on the phone answers
"Thanks for calling Martinelli's Liquor Store,
how may I help you?"

☼

~  Last night I went to a dinner and dance and had great
night out a good meal, good band, and danced into the
small hours.
But all good things must come to an end and I thought
to myself as I walked to the car park, now look you have
 had a few close calls with authority over the years,
time to act responsibly for a change,
now tonight you have had a few pints nothing over the
top, and a few glasses of wine , and not that many
whiskys, and only two large brandies now turn over a
new leaf go no suprise yourself and take the bus home
for a change, so I did.......
What a surprise when I woke up the next day and looked
out of the bedroom window on to my drive,
it really was a big surprise, I didn't know I could drive a
bus, and where the heck did I get it from anyway...?

☼

~  One day during Mass, a priest made an
announcement to his congregation: 
"I have here three sermons.
 A $500 sermon that lasts five minutes,
a $200 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes,
and a $10 sermon that lasts a full hour. 
Now we'll pass around the collection plates and see
which one I'll deliver."

☼

~ Billy died.... His will provided $30,000 for this
elaborate funeral.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Joyce,
turned to her oldest and dearest friend, Jonelle.
 "Well, I'm sure Billy would be pleased," she said.
"I'm sure you're right," replied Jonelle, who lowered
her voice and leaned in close...
"How much did this really cost?"
"All of it," said Joyce..... "Thirty thousand dollars."
"No!" Jonelle exclaimed.
"I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"
Joyce answered, "The funeral was $6,500.
 I donated $500 to the church.
The whiskey, wine, food and snacks were another $500..
The rest went for the Memorial Stone."
 Jonelle quickly computed the total of $7,500 and said
"$22,500 for a Memorial Stone?
My God, how big is it?"
 Joyce answered, "Two and a half carats!”

☼

~  Best friends graduated from medical school at the
same time and decided that, in spite of two different
specialties, they would open a practice together to
share office space and personnel.
 Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the
proctologist.
They put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones:
Hysterias and Posteriors."
 The town council was livid and insisted they change it.
So, the docs changed it to read:
"Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."
This was also not acceptable, so they again changed
the sign.
"Catatonics and High Colonics"... No go.
 Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal
Retentives"... thumbs down.
Then came "Minds and Behinds"... still no good.
Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes"
... unacceptable!
So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts"... not a chance.
"Nuts and Butts"... no way.
"Freaks and Cheeks".... still no good.
"Loons and Moons"... forget it.
The docs finally came up with "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones:
Odds and Ends" .......Everyone loved it.

☼

~  Ever since the age of eleven I haven't been able to
sleep unless I watch a Bruce Willis film before bedtime.
 Old habits..... ..Die Hard.

☼

☼

Todays Thought:

As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Rae's Trivia........

During World War II, on January 18, 1943,
bakers in the United States were ordered to stop selling
sliced bread for the duration of the war.
Only whole loaves were made available to the public.
It was never explained how this action helped the war
effort.

☂☂☂

 

#1388

Cloudy with a chance of showers and thunderstorms.
Breezy with highs around 80.
North winds 10 to 15 mph with gusts up to 20 mph...
increasing to 15 to 25 mph with gusts up to 35 mph
in the afternoon.
Maybe one inch of rain..
The hurricane won't do much for us....It's breaking up
somewhat... and losing strength....

☼

How about about some curly fries with your burger....

☺

With a coke, no less.......

☺

"Sparky" likes doing the "Dew!"

Done turned  his eyes Dew green....

☺

This one likes coffee,with double cream....

☺

Barbara found a great way to lose weight......

☺

I know... I have been told...

Lookin!

☺

So your the one messing up the paper..

At least wait until I read it.....

☺

What can I say?

☺

Coukdn't get used to the bathrooms overseas....

So he made do.... Cool fix it!

☺

Welcome to the club, Eno....

☺

Well, gotta do my shopping....

☺

☺

♥♥♥

~  UPDATE ON WASHINGTON EARTHQUAKE!
UPDATE: The Weather Channel says the east
coast earthquake was caused by an unknown fault line
running under D.C. and through Virginia.
It is now being called Obama's Fault, though Obama
will say it's really Bush's Fault.
Another theory is that it was the founding fathers rolling
over in their graves, but I believe what we all thought
was an earthquake was actually the effects of a
14.6 trillion dollar check bouncing in Washington.

☺

~  Susie came home from her first day at school.
Her mother said, "Well, Honey, what did you learn
 today?"
"Not enough, I guess....They want me to come back
again tomorrow."

☺

~ Sign outside a prostitutes house:
MARRIED MEN NOT ALLOWED, WE SERVE THE NEEDY
NOT GREEDY

☺

~  This guy goes to a costume party with a girl on his
back.
"What the heck are you?" asks the host.
"I'm a snail" says the guy.
"But... you have a girl on your back" replies the host.
"Yeah," he says, "that's Michelle!"

☺

~  Desmond, who was a real town dweller,
drove his car into a ditch when out on the country roads.
Luckily, a local farmer came was passing by with his big
strong donkey called Dobbin.
 He hitched Dobbin up to the car and shouted loudly,
'Pull, Dolly, pull!'
Dobbin didn't move one inch.
 Then the farmer yelled, 'Pull, Robbie, pull.'
Still Dobbin failed to respond.
Once more the farmer commanded in a stentorian
voice, 'Pull, Ringo, pull.' Again - nothing.
 Then the farmer nonchalantly and quietly muttered,
'Pull, Dobbin, pull.'
 Immediately the donkey easily dragged the car out of
the ditch.
 Desmond was very appreciative but also very curious.
He asked the farmer why he called his donkey by a
different name three times.
 The farmer whispered by way of reply,
'Oh, Dobbin is blind and if he thought he was the only
one pulling, he wouldn't even try.'

☺

~   I think my gps has a virus cause it sent me to a
womens fat farm when I was driving an empty ice cream
truck, They nearly killed me!

☺

~  The wife was so smug.
"Call me the brains of the family from now on!" she said.
"I've saved $20 bucks filling the car across the road!"
 "What did you do, flash your tits at the attendant?"
I laughed.
"Ooh, you men are so silly.
It's easy to spot they're 25 cents a gallon cheaper."
 "Really and on our doorstep?"
"Yes! God knows why you fill it up with diesel if
unleaded's that price!"

☺

~  The Wednesday-night church service coincided with
the last day of hunting season.
Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer.
No one raised a hand.
Puzzled, the pastor said, “I don’t get it.
Last Sunday many of you said you were were unable
to make service because of hunting season.
I had the whole congregation pray for your deer.”
One hunter groaned, “Well, it worked.
They're all safe.”

☺

*  Baseball, it is said, is only a game. 
True. 
And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona.

☺

~  While getting a checkup, Pete tells his doctor that
he thinks his wife is losing her hearing.
The doctor says, "You should do a simple test.
Stand about 15 feet behind your wife and say 'honey??
Move 3 feet closer, and do it again.
Keep moving 3 feet closer until she finally responds.
Remember how close you were when she gives you an
answer.
That will help me know how bad her hearing loss is."
About a month later,Pete is at the doctor again, and the
doctor asks, "Well, did you do that experiment with
your wife's hearing??
Pete says "yes."
"How close did you get before she answered?"
"Well, by the time I got about 3 feet away,
she just turned around and said,
"For the FIFTH TIME... WHAT???"

☺

☺

Todays Thought;

 When you cook it should be an act of love.
To put a frozen bag in the microwave for your child
is an act of hate. - Raymond Blanc

Rae's Trivia....

First belly button on display. 
Censors in the '60s were still nervous about showing
something as provocative as a female navel,
so they compromised with the producers of the
1965-66 beach sitcom Gidget:
 Bikini-clad extras could show their belly buttons,
but lead actress Sally Field could not.