Thursday, April 7, 2016


*walks in on home intruder...
"omg please don't look at the dust!"
This world would be a much better place if some people's
mothers would've just had a headache....
A wife tells her husband while watching a
Mexican TV series, "Look, how much he loves her…"
"Yes. But do you know how much he's being paid for that?"
Always live on the bottom floor it's further from heaven
and harder for God to see you sinning....
Explaining a fountain to a 3rd world country must be weird. '
Yeah we just shoot clean water into the air and throw our
extra money into it'.
I tried to take my wife hunting with me the other day.
We didn't go because she refused to dress up like a moose.
A grandmother arrives and her grandson says-----
I'm so happy to see you grandma----now maybe Daddy
will do the trick he keeps promising.
 What trick is that? the Gradma said
The boy says:
Daddy said that if you came to stay with us again--
he was going to climb the walls.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the
escape key.
I like to combine danger with awkwardness by falling
up stairs....
While on a date, a teen boys car starts
to sputter and comes to a halt on an isolated
road on a moonlit light.
The boy says--that's funny, I wonder what that
knocking was?
The smart girl says: Well, I can tell you one thing
for sure--it wasn't opportunity.
“The only thing common between a stork and an
obstetrician is the long bill.”