Friday, April 1, 2016

# 3025


There is a way of transferring money that is even faster
than electronic banking.......
It's called marriage.
ME: I worked at a zoo for a while...
THERAPIST: Great! & what did you take from that?
ME: [monkey noises coming from my bag] Uh good
I have done about 300 crunches for my new exercise
299 of them were Nestlé.
A Newfie aunt was knitting her young nephew
some socks.
Then she got a letter from the boy's mother saying that
he had grown another foot since she last saw him.
So she started knitting him a third sock.
I wonder how many people come visit our country and then
immediately leave after trying a slice of American cheese.
Sorry for letting the air out of one of your tires, delivery guy,
but based on the way you cut my pizza, I assumed you liked
things uneven.
Anyone who eats fish and chips every day is a
creature of halibut.
It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day
"Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?"
How the hell do I respond to that?
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of
cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.
Stay strong, brothers!
Jessica was testifying in court with regards to a case she
had filed for molestation.
She said, "It was late at night, and I was in this dark alley,
when he grabbed me from behind, and tore my short dress.
He pulled down my undies and bent me over a box...
I can't even remember what happened after that...!"
Judge Simmons, panting by now, said,
"Make something up, will you!!"