Wednesday, March 23, 2016


The Zika virus can now be transmitted sexually.
Luckily, most of you reading this have nothing to
worry about.
A man was having marital problems.
So he went to his shrink.
The shrink says, "When you get home, throw down
your briefcase, run to her, embrace her, take off her clothes,
and yours, and make mad passionate love to her."
In two weeks he was back in the shrink's office.
The shrink asked "How did it go?"
He said, "She didn't have anything to say,
but her bridge club got a kick out of it."
 My Grandfathers dying words to me were,
"Are you still holding the ladder?".
I walk around in public saying "wait for me guys"
so everyone thinks I have friends.
Answering Machine Message....
Yo. I ain't here at the moment.
Leave a message at that silly beep and I'll get back...
(Sniff, sniff...) Hey, what are you cooking? It smells good.
Sara to her friend Tina, "Do you know how my husband
plans for the future?"
Tina asked, "How?"
Sara, "He buys four cases of Budweiser!"
Survey: Are you a Democrat or a Republican?
Me: Labels are for soup cans
Survey: Can you tell us which way you're leaning?
Me: Clam chowder.....
If someone tweets in the bathroom they are live streaming.
wow my neighbor just got busted 4 manufacturing drugs.
He was taken miracle grow and fix a flat and manufacturing
his own viagra .....
why do people romanticize the 1950s? like calm down,
we still have milkshakes and racism..
Some people like to travel by train because it combines
the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure
of an airplane.
Henny Youngman at the racetrack.
 He said, I bet on the politest horse ever.
He let all the other horses go in front of him.”