Sunday, March 13, 2016


When someone in their 20's talks about "old people"
they're talking about us.
Think I nailed my job interview today because I wore a
graduation cap to make it look like I graduated high school..
Great mental exercise for us aging folks.
Quiz Which of the following names are you familiar with?
1. Monica Lewinski
2. Bill Clinton
3. Hilary Clinton
4. Adolph Hitler
5. Jorge Bergoglio
6. Winnie Mandela
7. Vladimir Putin
8. Linda Lovelace
9. Saddam Hussein
10. Tiger Woods
Did you as have trouble with #5?
You know all the criminals, murderers, thieves, sluts
and cheaters, but you don't know the Pope??
If a turkey got murdered, the chalk outline would
look like a giant preschooler's hand.
C: This beer tastes like piss
[further down the bar]
BEAR GRYLLS: I'll have what he's having....
Lovely, just lovely!
Three small boys were sitting in the park.
One said: "My Daddy smokes, and he can blow smoke
The second said: "Well, my Dad smokes, and he can blow
smoke out of his ears."
Determined not to be outdone, the third said:
"My Dad can blow smoke out of his ass!"
"Have you actually seen him do that?" asked his friends.
"Not exactly, but I've seen the tobacco stains on his
[ad for umbrellas]
[cut to me trying to swat away raindrops,
just getting totally wet]
"There must be a better way!"
Voiceover: UMBRELLAS.....
Yes,I put my kid on a leash.
I'm not scared of her being abducted.
I just REALLY wanted a puppy instead.....
When I awoke from the car accident in a full body cast my
wife was right at my let me know that
childbirth is still more painful.....