Saturday, March 19, 2016


Spiderman: Can I be in The Avengers now?
Captain America: Um sure.
Spiderman: What should I do?
Iron Man: You're in charge of web design.

Money - You can't take it with you... 
But you can't go anywhere without it... 

One of my personalities goes to the grocery store and 
buys healthy food. 
Now, I can't find anything to eat in the fridge. 

Husband & Wife Go For Shopping. 
Wife: “You Have Nothing In Your Head But Why Are 
You Buying Helmet?” 
Husband: “Yesterday You Purchased Bra, 
Did I Asked You Anything?“ 

How does every ethnic joke start? 
By looking over your shoulder.......

Some Rejected State Slogans: 
North Carolina: Five million people, five last names. 
Iowa: We do amazing things with corn. 
Minnesota: 10,000 lakes and 100 billion mosquitoes. 
Alabama: Literassy ain't everything. 
Wyoming: Miles and miles of nothing since 1890. 
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru 
( Death to mainland scum, but leave your money). 
Colorado: If you don't ski, don't bother. 
Mississippi: Come and feel better about your own state. 
Alaska: 12,342 Eskimos can't be wrong. 
Kentucky: Yes, tobacco IS a vegetable. 

A blonde walks into a doctor's office and says, 
"Doc, I'm horribly sick!"
The doctor looks at her and asks, "Flu?"
"No, I drove here."

Paddy, the psychic... 
Paddy: Think of a number, any number... 
Mick: Okay I'm thinking of a number... 
Paddy: What is it? 
Mick: Fifty-three 
Paddy: That's right... 

I used to be schizophrenic, but now we are doing better. 

I've just finished my research into the effects alcohol 
has on physical movement. 
The results were staggering. 

Your Mama is so fat.....
When she heard it was chilly outside she ran out wih a bowl.