Thursday, March 10, 2016


My co-worker was accused of flipping off the boss.
I told HR that it couldn't have been him because he never
lifts a finger to do anything.
< job interview >
It says here on your resume that you are a "self-proclaimed
man of few words."
Would you like to elaborate on that?
Me: no......
TSA: Sir, you can't bring that bottle of whiskey on the flight.
Me: Um, this is my Service Whiskey.
See his little vest?
TSA: ...
What is evil, ugly and keep the neighbours awake?
A witch with a drum kit!
And Then It Started.......
A Woman gets naked in front of her husband and asks:
"What turns you on the most, my pretty face, my
voluptuous bust or my sexy butt???
He briefly looks her up and down and replies:
"Your sense of humor."
I hate it when homeless people shake their change cups
at me.
I get it, you have more money than me.
Dogs are great because they could rip you apart and
eat you but they don't, because they want belly rubs
Changed the word "muffin" to "cupcake" and now the
thing on my 3 year old's plate is edible.
I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers to let you know
how I feel about you.
 Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the
opportunity to make some woman miserable.