Friday, March 18, 2016


Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in
the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."
Men Want Three Qualities In Their Wives:
Economist In Kitchen
Artist In Home
Devil In Bed.
But Unfortunately They Get
Artist In Kitchen
Devil In Home
Economist In Bed.
Man: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go
to hell?"
Priest: "No, not if you did not know."
Man: "Then why did you tell me?"
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
An employment interviewer for a big company in London
was talking to an attractive young woman applying for a job.
Looking over the application form, the interviewer noticed
that the girl had not answered one important question
concerning transportation to and from work, as she lived
outside the city.
"What about your bus line?" the interviewer asked her.
"I don't believe I mentioned it," came the pleased reply,
"but it's a 36C."
Sometimes during the weekends I drink some water
- to surprise my liver.
Husband: Honey, I have problems at work.
Wife: Not "I", but "we" have problems - since we are
married, your problems are mine problems as well.
Husband: Ok, then I wanted to let you know that our
office-girl got pregnant from us.
I just saw an ad for a bulletproof briefcase.
The real question is: why does your briefcase
have so many enemies?
Top 10 Party Games for People Over 70..
10. Sag! You're it!
 9. Pin the toupee on the bald guy.
 8. 20 questions shouted in your good ear.
 7. Kick the bucket.
 6. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says bend over.
 5. Doc, doc, goose.
 4. Simon says something incoherent.
 3. Musical recliners.
 2. Spin the bottle of Mylanta.
IS... 1. Hide and go pee!
Q: What is the dirtiest line said on television?
A: "Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver
last night."
Signs that your police partner needs a vacation:
- He keeps insisting it's his turn to be the siren.
- He talks to himself. Half of him is the "good cop"
and the other half is the "bad cop".
- He has developed a crush on one of the transvestite
hookers he's arrested.
- He keeps asking you if his bulletproof vest makes
him look fat.
- He exchanges doughnut recipes with complete strangers.
- He wants to hear less talk and more music on the
police channel.
*walks outside*
Its real quiet.. Almost too quiet.
*looks around*
*lights BBQ*
*1000 Dads emerge from nowhere giving generic BBQ