Tuesday, March 1, 2016


How do you use the garage?

Packed and ready to move in....

A little boy walks in to the kitchen one Sunday morning
while his dad is reading the paper.
 "Where does poo come from?" he asks.
The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5-year-old
son is already asking difficult questions thinks for a
moment and says, "Well you know we just ate breakfast?"
"Yes," answers the boy.
"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take
out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes
out of our butts when we go to the bathroom, and that is
The little boy looks perplexed, and stares at him in stunned
silence for a few seconds and asks.
"And Tigger?"
This orange juice says shake well before drinking.
*shakes juice and puts back in fridge then opens beer....

“With organic whiskey, one may attain the stupornatural.”
Ok guys, we built a room to hold our P.E. class.
what should we name it?
[Jim slowly raises his hand]
My 22-year-old cousin: My biggest fear in life is that I
won't make a difference, that I'll be insignificant.
Me: It's really not that bad.....
How many Duke freshmen does it take to change a
None, because that's a sophomore course at Florida State
and Virginia.
If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's
not $19.95.
Son: Are you eating pie for breakfast?
Me (eating pie):
No. Fruit casserole.
Want some?
Son: NO. I hate casserole.
Me (whispers): I know...
ME: look a possum
HER: actually it's spelled opossum
ME: you don't no how I spelled it, we're talking
HER: actually it's spelled know ...
What's brown and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's first movement.
Your Honor, these 52 selfies on my clients phone at
the precise moment of the crime prove that my client
can only be guilty of narcissism.