Me: "What's wrong, was it closed?"
Prank Calls......Phone Rings...
I answer.. Rubber Ducky here whos quacking?
They hang up.
I slam the phone on the reciever "damn Prank callers"
then walk back into my bubble bath.
“Tire stores are highway rubbery.”
Golfer: "If you were me, how would you have playedthat last shot?"
Caddie: "Under an assumed name."
Golfer: "I don't know what's wrong.
This is the worst I've ever played."
Caddie: "So you've played before, have you?"
Golfer: "I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddie: "Do you think you can keep your head down
Golfer: "This is the worst golf course I've ever played on."
Caddie: "This isn't the golf course.
We left that an hour ago."
Wife: "What has she got that I haven't?"Me: "Do you want me to give it to you alphabetically?"
Alright… Who pushed the forward button on my weekend?
••ME: Ok, that's everything in the dishwasher
*closes dishwasher door*
*turns it on*
TEASPOON: You're not gonna believe this.....
ME: I wish I could just go back to the good old day..FRIEND: don't you mean good old days?
ME: no, I just had the one...
Thank you for calling the weight-loss helplineIf you'd like to lose half a pound right now, please
press 1 46,000 times.
••Yo mama so fat that she has more ripples then Lake Erie
on a windy day!
Every night my wife puts a mudpack on her face andslices of cucumber over her eyes.
It doesn't work though, I can still tell it's her.