Friday, February 5, 2016


 I'm always a little suspicious of women who say that they
don't "remember things"
Three children were talking about their religions.
"I'm a Catholic," said one, "And our symbol is the cross."
"I'm Jewish," said the second, "And our symbol is the
Star of David."
The third child said, "I'm a Unitarian Universalist and our
symbol is a candle in a cocktail glass!"
Lately I go to the restroom at the movies, but forget where
I'm seated then return & just begin a new life in a new seat
with a new family.
ELECTRICIAN: [walks into home]
E: Honey, we've talked about this.
GF: [sadly] Ok.... wire you insulate?
A young Korean couple are lying in bed,
when the guy starts farting profusely .
"That's disgusting!" shouts the girl.
"It's the dog," says the guy.
"Don't blame him," she replies,
"he was cooked perfectly."
[first date]
 her: so, tell me about yourself!
 me: well, im not good with dates
 her: but you're doing fine!
 me: Christmas is on September 3rd....
Emperor: How are my elite troops doing on Endor?
Vader: They were all viciously murdered by teddy bears.
Emperor: That sounds plausible....
You know you're old when you get a "You up?" text....
 And it's 8:25 p.m. 
No Shoes
 No Shirt
 No Problem
 Welcome To Walmart.