Wednesday, January 6, 2016


UK: we call them films, after the traditional recording
process using photographic film..
So did you have a nice,relaxing holiday asked the
all people without three kids..
Just apologized to my dog for being a crazy person,
and I could tell by the way she didn't respond that she's
been thinking it for a while..
Then Satan said, "Let's convince everyone they need to
go gluten free."
And that kids, was the Christmas fiasco of 2015..
The only good thing about grinding your teeth at night is
that every morning you can wake up and do a line of
teeth off your pillow...
Ambien is not the answer, unless your neighbor questions
why you were sleeping on their couch and where did their
cheesecake go..
I only have Facebook to keep track of where everyone
I know is going to be, so I don't show up there..
A man and woman were having marriage problems,
and decided to end their union after a very short time
After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went
to court to finalize their break-up.
The judge asked the husband, “What has brought you
to this point, where you are not able to keep this
marriage together?”
The husband said, “In the six weeks we've been together,
we haven't been able to agree on one thing.”
The wife said, “Seven weeks.”
[God creating mosquitoes]
 "I wonder how I could get everyone to spray chemicals
on themselves and also slap their own faces."
You may be a biker if...........
You have motorcycle parts in your dishwasher.
Your best friends are named after animals.
you carry a picture of your bike in your wallet.
You don't think it's a good party until someone rides
into the living room and does doughnuts.
You can tell what kind of bugs they are by the taste.
Your new baby says "mother" and your impressed
because it said half a word.
You wake up next to your bitch, and your first thought is
if your bike will start. 
The guy who invented the mohawk was originally
just trying to get his sideburns the same length.