Tuesday, January 19, 2016


My worst nightmare is watching isolated footage of
me at a concert I'm enjoying.
Apparently telling the principal that "it's not cheating,
it's cooperative learning" was the wrong thing to say.
Instead of just answering the phone when it rings,
I prefer to wonder why the hell someone's calling me
and glare at it until it goes away.
She said:Where have you been all my life?
Please go back there.
My wife tried imitating the weird groaning sound
her car is making, and all three auto mechanics asked
her out..
sitting is bad for u, but the standing desk is all wrong.
I present to u… *unveils computer hanging from ceiling
with a bed underneath it*
Don’t waste electricity. Would you like it if I turned you
on and walked away?
Me: I have a secret.
*I take off my wig*
Her: I don’t care still I love you.
*I smile, take off my bald cap*
Me: you passed the final test..
Me: I grew a beard once and it actually looked just like yours.
Him: Why'd you shave it off?
Me: I just told you…
"You kids and your smartphones, when we were your
age we just dealt with having nothing to do with our hands."
 *Lights another cigarette*