Thursday, January 28, 2016


Drunk man staggering down the road comes across a
car broke down on the road, with a guy under the hood .
Drunk guy asks , wha, whats the prob problem?
Guy replies ; piston broke...
The drunk man says; me too...
Look at those brush strokes, the stunning use of color.
Gus told his wife he wanted a guitar to play while sitting
in the Jacuzzi.
“The next day she bought him an electric guitar.”
I asked a magician how he did a particular trick and he
said: "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."
"OK", I said, "just tell my wife."
Two Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on a Mexican's door
and said: "We want to talk to you about Jesus."
The Mexican said: "Oh no, what's he done now?"
Him: Favorite workout?
Me: Pilates.
Him: Why?
Me: Because we lay down for an hour.
There's no time capsule quite like the pocket of a coat
that's been in the closet for a year.
Headline News: Police use spike strips to stop self-driving
runaway car going in circles.
It's the first time police have stopped anything making
Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line as if
anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a
Whole Foods.
Are your clothes meant to scream out "help" when you
squeeze yourself into them?
Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles.
For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.