Tuesday, December 22, 2015


What did Frank Sinatra say when he was asked if he
had ever kept wading birds as pets ?
"Egrets, I've had a few................................"
Know what Santa... calls Reindeer that won't work?
If I really wanted to end my life I'd probably do it by wearing a
Star Trek uniform to the Star Wars Force Awakens premier.
They should make fortune cookies with more obtainable
You will vacuum the living room.
 You will run into the coffee table.
 A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
How Alpacas got their name..
There was this Peruvian who had a bunch of cargo
he wanted to transport to the other side of the Andes.
He was standing there with his friend and his friend
said to him " Are you going to haul all that cargo
over the mountains , one crate at a time, yourself ?"
"No," he said.
"I'm gonna tie it to those ugly animals over there
and alpaca cross the mountains."
and that's how they got their name...true story !
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and
narrowness of the waist change places.
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
Christmas and work are just alike...
You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets
all the credit.
Me: Help someone is trying to gain entry to my home,
send the police!
Her: Calm down, where are they now?
Me: Still ringing the doorbell...
A father and his son were looking at a nativity scene
 in a London gallery.
It was Titian's world-famous painting of the scene at
The boy said, “Dad, why is the baby lying in such a
crude cradle in a pile of straw?”
"Well, son,” explained the father, “they were poor,
and they couldn't afford anything better.”
Said the boy, "Then how could they afford to
have their picture painted by such an expensive artist?”