Tuesday, December 15, 2015


The only one of your children...
who does not grow up and move away is
your husband.
I took my wife to a wife-swapping party......
I had to throw in some cash.
I don't use extra virgin olive oil cause I want
my food to have some experience.....
Acid rain is total bullshit.
I stood in it for hours and didn't even hallucinate
one time.
I need to find a better way to trick my dog into
taking his medication because the last 2 times
he tricked me into taking it ......
I remember when I joined the Mile High Club.
I was flying solo at the time, but I think it still
My doctor told me, "If you don't quit smoking,
it doesn't really matter how poorly you eat"
and that was the best day of my life.
Combating Terrorism.....
A thought regarding the ISIS/ISIL thing.
Rather than explosives, carpet bomb them
with bacon, pork chops and the like.
Either they will flee or will succumb to the
aroma and become obese and diabetic.
SALMON: Who has been spreading gossip
I thought I could trust you two.....
TROUT: I don't know, who could it be?!
BIG MOUTH BASS: Yeah, who??
My wife is still mad at me for that 20 minute
blank stare I did when she asked me what I
was thankful for on Thanksgiving day.