Wednesday, December 30, 2015


My wife had plastic surgery last week...
I cut up her credit cards.
My wife and son were shopping... in the mall,
when she eyes an expensive fur coat.
"This year," she says, "I think that I will buy my present
instead of making Dad shop for me."
My son gave her a sarcastic look.
"And I think this fur coat would be perfect too."
My son protests, "But Mom, some helpless, poor, dumb
creature has to suffer immensely so that you can have this."
"Don't worry, honey," she said.
"He won't get the bill for a couple of weeks."
Is Viagra classified as a soft drug, or a hard drug?
I remember once flying into Boston Logan AP
on a little pond hopper.
The Plane came down a little harder than the pilot intended...
 Let's face it, we hit the runway like a rock.
A few minutes later the Pilot came over the intercom and
said "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have just landed at Logan
Air Port"
 One yelled back "NO SHIT..!!!"
My mother-in-law's text alert is an entire song.
Starting to think my father-in-law's rage isn't really from
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II"
video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because
every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick.
When asked about this "glitch," Chuck replied,
"That's no glitch."
The greatest trick the devil ever played was offering a buy
one get one free sale one day after you already purchased
two at regular price..