Friday, December 25, 2015


Just opened a Christmas present from my uncle.
It was a box of rice.
Thanks Uncle Ben.....
I got my wife an artificial leg for Christmas.
It's not her main present just a stocking filler.
We’ve invited the mother-in-law round for Christmas for the
last three years.
This year, we might even let her in.
I’ve bought my kids a pack of batteries for Christmas with
a note saying: ‘Toys not included’.
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
4 y/o: how does Santa go to everyone's house in one night .?
me: warp speed.
4 y/o: warp speed isn't real..
 me: neither is Santa.... go to sleep..
 [ Anything I buy from now until Christmas, I consider it a gift... ]
Kids! Close your eyes and hold out your hands!
"Toilet paper?!"