Hill-Trump..
••
♥
Mary had a little lamb.
The doctor fainted.......
The doctor fainted.......
••
I hate when Spotify is down and I have to listen to Apple
Music on my 128 GB Rose Gold iPhone 6s Plus like
some kind of homeless person...
Music on my 128 GB Rose Gold iPhone 6s Plus like
some kind of homeless person...
••
There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting
names on their food..
I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin..
There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting
names on their food..
I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin..
••
WIFE: The police are at the front door..
ME: *hiding a bag of donuts* Do they look mad?
ME: *hiding a bag of donuts* Do they look mad?
••
My grandma talks a lot of shit for someone who still
uses a flip phone.
uses a flip phone.
••
(business meeting)
*drops pen on the floor*
*bends over to pick it up*
*shirt comes untucked*
*all the jelly beans start falling out*
*drops pen on the floor*
*bends over to pick it up*
*shirt comes untucked*
*all the jelly beans start falling out*
••
Bad news, the police just seized our German holiday bread.
They said it was stollen.
Folks, they said it was stollen.
They said it was stollen.
Folks, they said it was stollen.
••
*Cooks dinner for family*
Gets arrested for attempting to cause great bodily harm....
Gets arrested for attempting to cause great bodily harm....
••
A friend asked how I’d describe a hot air balloon,
and I just told him it’s a lot like my ex, but with a basket.
A friend asked how I’d describe a hot air balloon,
and I just told him it’s a lot like my ex, but with a basket.
••
Me: You just backed the car over my Harley !
Wife: "Well, you shouldn't have left it on the lawn !"
Wife: "Well, you shouldn't have left it on the lawn !"
••••
