Tuesday, December 1, 2015


After i-messaging back and forth with my wife,
I jokingly commanded Siri to pass along this
message: “You need to get back to work now;
you have a husband to support.”
Here’s what Siri sent: “You need to get back to
work now; you have a has-been to support.”
Chuck Norris runs on the treadmill until it
gets tired.
What do you get when you send a cow to
Cold cream!
One day two blind men started fighting.
Pretty soon a crowd surrounded them.
Then one of the members of the crowd yelled
out "I bet 10 bucks on the one with the knife."
Both men ran away.
"Do you want to play doctors and nurses?"
*flirty giggle* "ok..."
"I'm a specialist.
The earliest I can see you is May next year"
Mother and daughter are walking out of church.
and Mom says, "Well, that was a lousy sermon."
Daughter replies, "Well Mama, what did you
expect for a quarter?"
Hubby - You always carry my photo in your
handbag to the office.... Why?
Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how
impossible, I look at your picture and the
problem disappears.
Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful
I am for you?
Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,
"What other problem can there be greater than
this one?"
Dating is putting on fancy clothes so hopefully
you can take them off later.
Doctor says to their patient, "I'm not sure how
to treat your condition.
You have perfect health."
If you accidentally drop a roll of toilet paper
while sitting down, it will roll approximately 65
feet away from you.