Monday, December 28, 2015

# 2930


 I shaved my legs and now my socks keep falling down.
 Life is hard.
My favorite part of the holiday party is getting to meet my
coworkers' dates & find out who chooses to put up with these
people for free.
All these people on FB posting pics of their kids makes feel
so blessed...I don't have ugly children.
Unroll wrapping paper.
 Shoo cat away
 Turn to get gift
 Shoo cat away
 Get tape
 Dammit cat
 Get tape
 Wrap up cat
 Wrap up gift
 Pet cat..
Did you know it is scientifically proven that people with
more birthdays live longer?
 Four Worst Feelings Ever:
 4. Losing your job
 3. Romantic break up
 2. Death of a loved one
 1. Needing to pee when you're stuck in traffic.......
 Can someone wake me up when this nightmare is over?
 *lies on floor, closes eyes tight*
 (in customer service line at Walmart)
Christmas 12:15am]
Mrs. Claus: Shouldn't you have left by now?
Santa: [throwing couch cushions]
The only spanish I know is from the song Feliz Navidad,
so these last few days have been my time to shine.
"Damnit!" -a burglar, discovering yet another drawer filled
with dead batteries, take-out menus, and pen caps.