1.You've ever torn something just trying to turn
off the alarm clock.
2.People at work only refer to you by saying
3.You've thrown your back out by carrying a
bag of groceries.
4.Random strangers come up, poke you in the
stomach and expect you to giggle.
5.Your record is 34 Pushups and you could
have done more if the Ice Cream Man would
have taken plastic.
6.You get the Christmas gift of Jigglin' To The
7.You cramp up while watching the New York
8.Watching Rocky 5 is your idea of a workout
9.The sales clerk nicely but firmly pulls you
away from the jeans rack and whispers
"Its Sansabelt Time, Tubby"
I could get 90% off a Bugatti and I still wouldn'tbe able to afford it.
I don't really like watching basketball,I just watch it to find out who the next member
of the Kardashian family will be.
Apply Where I Work...Competitive Salary-
Paying you less than our competitions.
Join our Fast Paced Team-
We expect you to know everything so we don’t
Casual Work Atmosphere-
We don’t pay you enough to dress you up.
Must be Deadline Oriented-
You are 6 months behind on your first day.
Duties Will Vary-
Anyone in the Office can boss you around.
Must have an eye for detail-
We have no quality control..
••Last Thanksgiving, I had my chance to do the
traditional thing of shooting my own turkey.
Man, you should have seen the people scatter
in the meat department.
When everyone at the table takes turns sayingwhat they are thankful for, say, I'm thankful I
didn't get caught, and refuse to say anything
Keep your eye off the turkey dressing.It makes him blush!
His wife had been killed in an accident and thepolice were questioning Finnegan.
"Did she say anything before she died?"
asked the sergeant.
"She spoke without interruption for about forty
years," said the Irishman.
Me: What are your plans for tonight?13: Think I'll hang out with you and mom.
Me: Goddammit...uh I mean that's great.