Friday, November 13, 2015


JUDGE: so you plan to plead insanity?
ME: let me double-check with my counsel...
*moves 2 ft over, puts on tie, nods*
ME: thats correct your honor.....
You know what else is fun?
Playing dead when your husband receives the
credit card bill...
“When the ornithologist gave his neighbor the
bird he went into flight mode.”
Fe Fi Fo...Fe Fo Fe Fo....
Mike Tyson's phone number...
Piss off the DJ by dancing the Macarena to all
his music.
Anytime someone loses something in the office
HR doesn't ask if anyone's seen it, they just
send out an email that says "Give it back Josh"
[start of interview]
 Me: hi sir nice to meet you ...i go to shake his
hand but spill his coffee everywhere*
 Interviewer: ...welcome to BP..
Fast food places are kinda like prostitutes...
you're paying someone else to do your wife's job.
The trick to living a long time is to reach 100,
because very few people die after that.......
Longevity Study....
Birthdays are good for your health.
Studies have shown that people who have more
birthdays live longer.
Being a man means....
doing what I want
when I want
and not having to answer to.....
She's coming!
to be continued.......