Thursday, November 5, 2015



It's "hairs" not the collective "hair" now.
I have so few I know each individually by name.
A traveling evangelist always put on a grand
finale at his revival meetings, When he was to
preach at a church, he would secretly hire a
small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove
in a cage.
Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher
would shout for the Holy Spirit to come down,
and the boy in the rafters would dutifully release
the dove.
At one revival meeting, however, nothing
happened when the preacher called for the Holy
Spirit to desend.
He again raised his arms and exclaimed:
"Come down, Holy Spirit!"
Still no sign of the dove.
The preacher then heard the anxious voice of
a small boy call down from the rafters:
"Sir, a big black cat just ate the Holy Spirit.
Shall I throw down the cat?"
If you're with me when I die, remember 2 things:
1) Do Not Resuscitate.
2) Smash Phone on Ground ....
A baby that is starting to wake up from a nap is
like a solar eclipse.
Whatever you do, do not look directly at it.
Reporter: Tell me about him..
Neighbor: He was so nice, sweet, friendly, funny...
R: Do you think he killed those people?
N: Oh, yeah absolutely...
The new office-boy came into his boss's office
and said, "I think you're wanted on the phone, sir.
"What do you mean, you think?" demanded the
"Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a
voice said 'Is that you, you old fool?'"
explained the boy.
I do not fail, I succeed at finding what doesn't
Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain
to the paramedics.
HIM: [awkwardly] wanna go see a movie?
 HER: sure, sounds great.
 [next day]
 HIM: could i maybe come with you next time?
If one door closes & another door opens,
you’re probably in prison.
Sky news report.
When the Irish joined in the attack on Libya,
they sent in 3 ships - 2 full of sand and one full
of cement . . .
It was a mortar attack.
I looked at a shelf once online and now every
ad is like "SO YOU LIKE SHELVES??????"
and everywhere I go I think a shelf is following