Birds don't like you.......
maze since Thursday, but I rationalize by
thinking he has plenty to eat.
Taking your shirt off when fighting is a greatway to tell the cops who to arrest.
A football fan is a guy who’ll yell at thequarterback for not spotting an open receiver
forty-five yards away, then head for the parking
lot and not be able to find his own car.
I love it when someone's laugh is funnier thanthe joke.
Kid: Daddy can I give some of my candy to thatduck?
Me: No, ducks only eat things they find in nature,
Just saw The Martian.If Matt Damon was alone on Mars, who was
filming him that whole time?
Apparently "I don't like scary movies," is notan appropriate response to being asked to
watch a wedding video.
"The one thing that unites all human beings,regardless of age, gender, religion, economic
status or ethnic background, is that, deep down
inside, we ALL believe that we are above
If evolution were real you'd think my bodywould've learned how to be drunk on its own
Daddy, what starts with F and ends in UCK?my face: *look of horror*
9: firetruck! What else?
me: nervous laugh *pours another drink*