Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

Why are clothes so expensive?
With this body people should pay ME to not
be naked.

 

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Calvin Klein has a cunning plan to make us
buy more underwear.
I saw the price of boxers and shit myself....

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Friend: Do you have a bird problem?
Me: No.
Friend: Why is there a scare crow in your
yard.
Me: Oh that? That's for people.

 

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[tells friend cat passed away]
Is there anything I can do?
Yes [holds up fur coat] put this on & lie in my lap..
But I-
[starts crying]
OK. OK..

 

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high school was the free trial version of college.
“If you wish to continue your education you can
buy the complete pack for $50,000”..

 

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I got a new cat from the  city shelter.
So far he seems fine, except for needing to go
outside every hour for a cigarette.

 

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Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf,
show him you're interested by repeatedly asking
"why doesn't our lawn ever look that nice?"

 

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What idiot called it a rattlesnake's warning rattle
and not a cautionary tail?

 

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The bigger my wife gets, the more exciting I find
her.
She keeps me on the edge of our bed.

 

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I must be getting old......... The bank is sending
me my free calendar one month at a time.

 

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For you men who think a woman's place is in
the kitchen, just remember: that's where the
knives are kept...

 

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