Wednesday, October 21, 2015


"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"A doctor."
"And why's that?"
"Because it's the only profession where you
can tell women to take off their clothes and then
stick their husbands with the bill."
Weeping Willows are a result of Chuck Norris
yelling at trees for not being tough enough.
A kindergarten teacher was showing her class
an encyclopedia page illustrating several
national flags.
She pointed to the American flag and asked,
“What flag is this?”
Little Sue called out, “That’s the flag of our
“Very good,” the teacher said.
“And what’s the name of our country?”
Little Sue answered, “Tis of thee.”
I learned 2 things at least when I was married....
1. Always passcode lock your phone...
2. Don't use a nude pic of your gf as the lock
The tourist in London climbed into a cab and
noticed by the license that his cab driver's name
was Winston Churchill.
Trying to make conversation, he said, "I see
your name is Winston Churchill."
The driver simply said, "Right.
That's my moniker."
The passenger, not willing to give up yet on
some banter, said, "That's a pretty famous
The driver responded, "As well it should be, too.
I've been driving a cab here for over forty years."
It's rude when people ask me what I did all day
like growing my hair isn't enough.
Pro tip: when your neighbors make you mad,
send your 8 y/o son over to describe in
complete detail what all 379 of his Hot Wheels
look like....
Ole was teaching Lena how to drive a stick shift,
when she got in a terrible accident.
Ole says to Lena: Now Lena, push in da clutch,
shift in ta gear and den let out da clutch.
So Lena opens the door to let out the clutch.......
We buried my mother-in-law yesterday.
Sorry to hear that. When did she die?
My guess would be sometime this morning.